Ups and downs are getting me crazy

[UkyoCoanccy]

Damn!

Sometimes I feel myself again. I can feel that strength and that motivation that I lost for about 2 years, but it doesn't last so much. After certain time in the same day I always begin to feel sad, scared and hopeless.

Those changes makes me feel tired and sometimes I feel that I am loosing my mind little by little. I am scared of not being able to deal with my own life. I am always overthinking and even though I know some technics for to stop them or at least to control them, that situation never ends. I am exhausted.

The last week my doctor did a new evaluation and besides my GAD and depression, she diagnosed me PTSD. She also gave me a new medicine to stop my nightmares. I do not remember when was the last time that I had a good and normal dream.

Besides that, I still have been struggling with the idea that I had an early miscarriage. It devastated me.

That baby was special for me. I can't accept that I never going to see him. Then after that, I started to feel sick, pain and pressure in one side of my belly. Also nauseas, headaches and pain in my lower back. I have been like this since the middle of July, so after some ultrasounds the doctor discover something like a cyst in my ovary. She did not tell me exactly what is it. She still wants to do a tomography before telling me what is it. I am scared, and as if I wouldn't have had enough, I am falling in love of someone that doesn't love me and I hate it. It hurts a lot and it takes a lot of my energy and time. I have been a rude and an antisocial person that never date anyone because I don't want to be hurt. But suddenly without any warning, I started to feel like this.

I am too angry with myself. I have more than enough important things to deal with. That I can't add another thing that I feel it is stupid right now. I am too mad.

I feel a huge and empty whole in my heart.

Nothing seems to easy my frustrations. I just need to wait for it to pass.

I practice meditation, breathing and I try to distract with other thing but I get mad. I do not why.

[pink318]

Hi,I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. Thank you for sharing with us honestly about how you feel.

One of my sisters was diagnosed with anxiety. She refused treatments so she fought a hard battle. It was difficult for me to see her struggling. I talked to her almost everyday about anything just to let her know that she’s not alone. I also encouraged her to join a life group. She was hesitant at first but eventually she enjoys attending the meeting online.

Her mood slowly improved. She now volunteers, she enjoys her garden and her dogs. Having a trusted friend that you can confide in would be great. Feel free to post here anytime, online support groups like this can help you to feel less lonely and not alone. We are here for you.

Try to do things that you will enjoy. Walking outdoors with sunlight is helpful in boosting someone's mood. Continue to check with your doctor and your medication.

I pray that things will get better for you. God bless you with His peace and healing.

[KJnOTT]

I am so glad you reached out for support and am so sorry you are struggling. I am sure it can feel quite overwhelming - you have been through a lot. Depression can be difficult to manage especially when you experience a trauma. I also miscarried early in my pregnancy and learned that it takes time to process the loss. Know that there are many resources out there to support you. Besides medication, it will be important for you to walk through some of these emotions with a counselor. Getting into a relationship at this time may not be the best idea for you or another person. Take care of yourself during this time. Blessings