Struggling

[Aleozodiac]

I'm new here and struggling bad with depression! Most days I feel like disappearing

[samack]

You are among friends here. Talk to us and let us know what you need.

[Aleozodiac in reply to samack]

People who understand bc most people in my life when I feel suicide just say I'm selfish and make me feel guilty! I hardly eat like so far today I had a small apple sauce

[samack in reply to Aleozodiac]

Don't feel guilty. I think your friends are trying to say they care about you. Are you on medication.

[Aleozodiac in reply to samack]

No I was on amitriptyline and have tried other antidepressants and they make the suicidal thoughts worse plus my husband and I are trying to get pregnant so I can't be on meds right now all the counselors I've had leave after a few months or years

[b1b1b1]

Try to see a psychiatrist. Ask if they are planning to work for a considerable time. Let them know that several have left in the past. Also, trying to become pregnant can in and of itself be stressful. Can you explain a little more about what you think is causing you to be depressed?

[Aleozodiac in reply to b1b1b1]

I have bpd and ptsd and I don't want to relive my traumas all over again... my depression hit to worst yesterday finding out I have a growth in my left breast that if it doubles in 6 months if it grows wants to remove it and I have a high increase risk of developing breast cancer and I'm battling all my emotions alone!

[b1b1b1 in reply to Aleozodiac]

I also had an abnormal mammogram some time ago. My doctor said not to wait six months to check it again, but to check again in 3 months. If you check in three months you will probably have to pay for the test, but it may relieve your anxiety. I can understand why you are so upset, as there are a lot of issues you are facing.

[Aleozodiac in reply to b1b1b1]

My probably is I have extremely dense breast tissue so it's hard so see things on the mammogram so they have to do an ultrasound to see everything I'll have to see how often insurance will cover that

[Aleozodiac in reply to b1b1b1]

I've asked my past therapists if they were going to be around for a while and was always told yes then a few months in told I'm leaving the state and will not be accepting your insurance anymore

[Aleozodiac]

I'm struggling really bad today and everyone has walked away from me! When I'm really upset my wording comes out wrong and when I try to fix it its to late and it gets used against me for a long time! I've told my people that I don't want certain people brought into my mental issues but they go to that person anyways out of pettiness