Opening up to People

[Weelon]

Hi I have a neighbour that I have confided in. Sometimes she provides me with good advice and other times I wonder why would you say that to me. E.g- you’ve got a great man behind you & life should be good, just enjoy yourself & stop being unhappy. She keeps telling me about how they had to deal with things when they were younger & I’m just wondering if she’s doing me more harm than good. I think she means well but I wonder if she likes to be nosey rather than help. In my darkest moment I tried confide in with an old school mate that I’d known for years & we kept in touch via social media. She got all the info she needed then I asked her if she has time to chat (to call her as she gave me her mobile no) & she replied with: she’ll be busy doing food shopping & that was it.

[Roxylox]

I am cautious about who I tell stuff to, and how much I tell them.My own family can be very sceptical of me, even though they really should know I'm a thoroughly honest and open person.

I think I disclosed too much about my family life to former workmates. I would not do that again.

I am considering telling a few things to a really good friend I see just a couple of times a year, but I'm not sure...

Your neighbour telling you how they had to deal with things when they were younger - maybr some of that was good, granted, but a lot was hidden, covered up, then bottled up back then.

Hidden emotions can come back and bite you later.

I've also got a great man behind me, that doesn't mean I'm always happy.

I think in fairness she was doing her best to make you feel better though.

As to your friend doing the food shopping. A person I would ring now and again if I needed them would often cut me off with the flimsiest of excuses.

I hardly ever ring that person now.

[Weelon in reply to Roxylox]

Thanks for your feedback. With your friend, if you’re not 100% sure maybe give it more time?

[Roxylox in reply to Weelon]

Thank you, will do.

[Hidden]

It’s really hard to understand depression and anxiety if someone has not experienced more than a few days of it in their life. I find that is where those comments of “you have a wonderful family/life/career/ whatever, just be happy”, comes from. That just can’t understand. Also not everyone is a very good listener. Mostly people mean well they just don’t have the communication skills necessary to be helpful. It’s good to pick and choose what you say to people. A therapist is the best person to talk to.

[Weelon in reply to Hidden]

My neighbour is not a very good listener but good at talking. I have tried a therapist & we discussed via the phone. The conversation didn’t seem to go far, she said things I already knew. Also I could hear her doing the dishes or something once we we’re having our chats. I suppose I could find another one but they are costly & there’s a long waiting list on the nhs & I feel like my issues are not as bad compare to others. So I plod on & try to find other ways.

[Roxylox in reply to Weelon]

I would be inclined to try other ways too. Like you, my issues would not be so bad. I am finding a locally based peer support group good. They encourage hobbies and talents too.

Have only met them on Zoom yet but am hoping to meet them physically come October.

[Arymretep in reply to Weelon]

Therapists are paid to listen , they don’t get emotionally involved as it’s their job, I would find it hard to speak to someone who doesn’t really care .

[Roxylox in reply to Arymretep]

You have hit the nail on the head there Arymretep. I suppose to them you are just a number in their schedule.

[Hidden]

I am a private person so I tend to keep things in. Forums are a good place to come and chat if you feel that talking to people in your real life leaves you feeling less than better. Being anonymous on a forum like this one makes it easier to write down your thoughts so it is good that you have found Health Unlocked.

[Weelon in reply to Hidden]

Yes I’m very private too. I’m hoping this may help me. Has it helped you?

[Hidden in reply to Weelon]

It has helped me to come here. I am mostly reading posts that relate to my own struggles and it helps to know that I am not the only one. Sometimes it feels as if I am. Coming here has changed this for me.

[Hidden]

I have exactly the same so I feel for you. My neighbour initially seemed so caring and genuine but then I realised she just wanted to be nosey and find out all about my business. In fact 2 other mums at school who know I live next door to her have warned me that she is like that. I’m also the same as you that I talked to an old friend on Facebook, helped her out loads to get out of a violent relationship and into refuge which I had to do in 2018. As soon as she’d settled and got her own place she stopped answering my messages. You never know who you can trust or who is genuine these days and it hurts x

[Weelon in reply to Hidden]

Yes people sees us as easy preys & take advantage of our good nature & it really does hurt which I’m sick of. Hope you have found some good ones here x

[Weelon]

Emotional dumping. How long have you been on this app?

[Weelon]

I’m a good listener…

[AnxiousCanadianChic]

If someone doesn’t deal with depression or anxiety themselves, they don’t get it. People think you can just flip a switch in your mind and things will be better… doesn’t work like that and they seem to think it does. If it was that easy, none of us would need this forum.

[Weelon in reply to AnxiousCanadianChic]

That’s why I’m on this forum so I can talk to people who can relate and understand