Double Standard

[8518114]

Hi again. It's been a while since I've been here. I feel like there's a double standard when it comes to me and my fiance. He has his and he has one for me. I think that stinks. For example, he can cut me off when I talk but stops and lets me know that I'm cutting him off. That just seems really unfair. Leaving sometimes seems like an option however, I've worked just as hard in this relationship.

[lisa40509]

Try to sit down and use dialogue technique to actively listen to each other. This saved my marriage and is something I learned attending Retrouvaille through our Catholic Diocese. You do not have to be Catholic or any religion for it to help and I now use it with my kiddos too. Just google Retrouvaille dialogue for examples. Good luck!! It’s important for all of us to feel heard.

[8518114 in reply to lisa40509]

Thank You.

[DodgeDhanda]

Good for U, for working hard on ur relationship & just that alone takes a tremendous amount of work on its own & I realised that only after my marriage broke down & communication had broken down badly we were both at fault although stepping outside the marriage was all her.

But that's the world over . Sorry if this offends but ur other half sounds like when he speaks U say nothing & when U speak he can do whatever cuz he the man & he possibly grew up seeing that type of communication.

So now a suggestion as to a way forward

, if U don't feel ur being heard then U can confront him but if he raised a certain way then he may raise his fists. Or U can leave if this has gone on for years, no form of counselling will get him to change especially if he doesn't want to change.

I'm sorry ur in this dilemma but we live in the 21st Century. If a person can't be bothered to actually listen to their partner then both to reflect. 1 needs to learn to listen as well as be heard & the other needs to make a choice.

[8518114 in reply to DodgeDhanda]

It just hurts when he uses my husband that died &my children and also my mental disorders as a tool to hurt me. I just that is below the belt for anyone.

[lisa40509 in reply to 8518114]

That’s not acceptable. I hope you can find a way to communicate what you need in your relationship and also what you do not need. Best wishes

[DodgeDhanda in reply to 8518114]

GET OUT !!!! It's toxic & he is trying to control U . Ur duty is to protect ur kids & U do that by protecting urself . No amount of counselling will repair the situation as he is a narcissist & makes it about himself . With all respect to other posters this has gone too far. If the situation has taken a toll on ur mental health, imagine what it's doing to the children. The all easily forgotten future adults who have been raised being mentally crushed growing up.

Now that is my view & my explanation & reasons , however I'm not in ur place & I have no clue as to the other bits & bobs in ur situation. So this is a massive situation & I do wish u have a support network that can help you deal with things.

Please remember there is a lot of support in this group & I know there are others that have been where u are & can help U far more than I ever can but as a dad I believe we have a duty to protect our children from harm both physical & especially mental.

[8518114]

Thank You so very much! I really will take everything you said and really ponder what you said. It was a lot of information for me to take in. Again thanks .

[DodgeDhanda in reply to 8518114]

Take ur time & please seek as much information & advice from others too. It's not easy making decisions when our minds are wired in a different way , it sometimes takes time to process it all. I'm not going anywhere & remember U do whatever you feel is best for U & I speak for me only when I say I'll back U as we all need it in times of great need. 👍🏽