Any Suggestions?

[Slowlybreaking]

Hello, I'm new to this but I'm having a really hard time lately. I'm so lonely and can't stop crying. My kids see me cry all the time and I don't want that anymore. I feel worthless and alone and don't know what to do. All my friends are to busy for me and one of my closest friends, who I was also involved with just stopped talking me this week after 2 years of talking and hanging out almost every day. I feel so abandoned and alone and don't know how to get better. My kids would rather be with their dad because I'm so depressed all the time. I need help

[Hidden]

I am sorry you are going through this. I understand your pain as I spend pretty much all my time alone as well. I don't have many friends. And the one in person friend I do have I can only see once a week for an hour. That coupled with me severe anxiety when going outside make it impossible to go out and do things or meet new people. It's really hard when you don't have anyone and so I want to validate that you are not crazy for being so hurt by it. Now as for things you can do, well to put it simply the only thing you can do to meet new people is to put yourself out there. Other than that there really isn't a way. You can't make people come to you. So try exploring things you like. Find some hobbies and take a class or join a club in your area. Strike up a conversation at a book store or wherever you go during your days. That is just to handle the loneliness. However, it seems like there is more going on. I can't say myself but being honest you need people in your life to be happy, this is a universal truth. However, people are not to be your sole means of happiness. Simply put, you won't be happy just having people around. You have to explore yourself, learn what you want and need and then go get those things. Friends or a partner should never be your world. They should only ever be an addition to your life that you both choose. I wanted to mention this because even if you had people going over all time that alone will not make you happy if you are not fulfilled in other area's of your life. You need all the components of fulfillment not just one. I am sorry you are struggling but do your best to take things as they come. And remember it's not about others progress it's about yours and as long as you are trying that is something to be proud of.

[Slowlybreaking in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for the much needed advice. It's just so hard to have people around when everyone always hurts you but then when there's no one it's unbearable at times. So I feel like I'm sad with or without people and I don't know how to change that. It's hard for me to trust people because all people do is take advantage of others who are in a vulnerable place. I try to put myself out there but then I think, " How is this person going to betray me?" I just feel bad for my kids who have to see me like this and not knowing why or what to do. I just want to feel better, be happy, and not cry anymore. Thank you for your kind words and I'll definitely try to take your advice.

[Hidden in reply to Slowlybreaking]

Well I think you just figured out your first step. You have to start putting yourself first and work on what makes you happy. People are not going to do that for you so you have to figure out those things for yourself. I understand it's hard to trust people, usually what happens is when are vulnerable we are desperate for comfort or compassion and so we search for it frantically, however, this opens the door for bad people to enter our lives because toxic people respond to this which is why we end up getting hurt. Work on yourself. Work on figuring out things you want to do. Work on figuring out your values and boundaries and you will be able to better navigate people and find the right ones.

[Doyg]

I am sorry that you are going through this. Using this site to express yourself is a good thing. I take life one hour at a time. Sometimes our loved ones don't know what to do to help us.

[Slowlybreaking in reply to Doyg]

Thank you. This site is already helping. It makes it a little easier feeling like I have someone to talk to.

[Doyg]

We are all here to talk to you. I use the site to express my feelings. Life is rough sometimes. It is for me. Weekends are the hardest because I am alone. I don't enjoy anything anymore.

[Slowlybreaking in reply to Doyg]

Life is very rough. I hate weekends too. At least at work there are people around. I don't enjoy life either. I'm only hanging on because of my kids but even that is starting to not be enough.

[Doyg]

My kids are 18 and 21. My 21 year spouse decided it was time to divorce. Really having a hard time with work life everything. Not an easy road to travel.

[Slowlybreaking in reply to Doyg]

My kids are 14 and 12. Me and their dad were together for 20 years and a couple years later it's still hard dealing with the break up. I know exactly how you feel. I'm still on that road and it seems like there is no end in sight.

[Doyg in reply to Slowlybreaking]

There has to be something better down the road. It's what we hope for. For the present, it's rough.

[konablue]

I am sorry to hear about your struggles. I understand completely, especially with your kids. My only goal in life was to be the best mother to my kids. My daughter refuses to speak to me which feels devastating almost all the time. (my son is 26 and my daughter is 20)

I had to find other things in life to focus on that were positive and mattered. I was given the advice to "do what makes you happy." That was very difficult for a very depressed and very anxious person! I understood after years of neglecting my own needs that I really needed to focus on what makes me happy.

I struggled to find that which makes me happy! I started to think about when I was a child I loved to play in the dirt, plant things with my dad, ride my bike, swim and dance. I started dancing in my living room with the blinds closed. I was so embarrassed just thinking if someone would see me. But it felt so good!!!

Just try to start out slow and stay focused on positive things. Do positive things! Write down a list of positive things to do everyday and when your mind pulls you back into what you have lost, remember the present moment. (my list started out with showering, brushing my teeth, walking my dog and dancing in my living room) It sounds ridiculous, but it feels good to cross things off your list. It makes you feel a sense of accomplishment and you are focusing on good.

Please keep in touch. It also helps to share with others who understand what you are going though and do not judge. I wish you all the happiness in the world and one thing i know for sure is that it starts with you.

❤️

[Slowlybreaking in reply to konablue]

It's nice to hear that little things can make such a difference. It's just hard right now because I'm not used to not being needed or wanted. Feeling like a burden or just in the way with all your family and friends is a horrible feeling. I try to not think about things but it always comes back.

I just want to be ok with it just being me. I don't know how to take care of just me and that's scary. Im always thinking about people who have hurt me and wondering why? How do I let go of those who do nothing but hurt me but I care alot about? It makes me so sad and confused.

Thank you for your kind words and I'll try some of the things you said.

[Rafiki11]

Have you talked to your doctor? When I felt like that, I started medication and it really helped me.