Still struggling

[Shezza1]

4 weeks down the line and I still feel like crap. I'm contemplating death everyday. It feels like living is actually hell on earth and that maybe dying is gonna be better than this. I cant get a doctors appointment. I've tried so many times. I've no family and a few friends. No one I can confined in. I'm already on mirtazapine 30mg. I'm scared to let anyone in my mind cos if I told them what I really want to do they'd get social services and that would push more to edge. I'm so fed up

[hypercat54]

Hi Shezza1 I am in the UK too and assure you that as long as your children are healthy and happy no one is ever going to consider taking them away from you, If your children were neglected or abused then that is very different.

It's only if you have a firm plan and the means to carry it out that you could end up in hospital or anything as there are very few places available now. These places are mainly for those diagnosed with a serious mental health problem such as bi-polar or very severe depression.

Keep contacting your doctors (I know they are rarer than hens teeth now) and insist on a face to face visit. If you aren't getting anywhere I would email or write to the practise manager as that should get results.

In many areas you can self refer for mental health issues so look online for how to do it in your area. Good luck and I hope this helps a bit.

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Wow why can't you guys get doctor's appointments in the UK? I'm guessing it's still the Covid-19?

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Covid, doctors hiding, shortage of doctors, insistence on telephone appointments, shortage of NHS funds etc.

All practises vary so some are good while others are less so.

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

During covid lockdown I binged watched Timeteam a lot here in Oregon. I love any show that has to do with archeology and I'm jealous of UK having a much deeper history than US. I really enjoy that Phil character. Probably spelling his name wrong. But anyway he's into Flint napping and he's really good I'm into it too but skills are not to his level.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Phil who? I am glad you like our history but please don't say you love the royals as well. If you do I will be happy to send them all over to your country. 😁 x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Phil Harding on the TV show time team he's an expert flintnapper and archaeologist.

Ph

[Shezza1 in reply to hypercat54]

Thankyou for your kind words. My children are well looked after. But it worries me that because in my head I know I'm unstable and they might use that against me. Even though I still wake up take them to school clean fed and watered. I work 2 jobs to give them nice things. But it's all getting too much. I want to be happy me again.

[DodgeDhanda]

Hi Shezza, I got my blood results 5 weeks ago & could only get a telephone appointment & it's next week on Tuesday. But logically speaking it's nothing serious or they would've made more of an effort.

Now apart from talking to a doctor what else is it that you feel that after 4 weeks ur not better ? If it's anxiety & depression u suffer from then sadly it will be with u for the rest jf ur life BUT how you deal with it is the most important thing to how u can live a good life keeping the worst at bay & u need to work on it every day even if ur bored & if I can post a link here which I already posted it can give you some help in how to deal & overcome things.

nhsinform.scot/healthy-livi...

It worked I hope this will help you understand more & how to deal with it & I wish you the very best & guess what I'm in UK too.

[Hidden in reply to DodgeDhanda]

You're in the UK too? Holy smokes we've got Brits everywhere. 🤪 That's a good thing. When I had bad anxiety I used to watch Anxiety United a lot on YouTube that guy is a Brit has some really good relaxing videos.

[DodgeDhanda in reply to Hidden]

Learning to educate my breathing was the best breakthrough I ever made & trying to hear myself letting the out breath is very calming for me & a couple of minutes really helps me as does expanding my lungs to their fullest , it makes me feel the burn & the tingle in the back of my throat too let's me know I'm in a good place.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Excuse me! HU is a British platform and we were here before you Americans were allowed in. 😁😜 x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Weeeeell excuuuuuse me 😁

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

That's better. Please keep your place you people from over the pond! 😁😜 x

[b1b1b1 in reply to hypercat54]

lol. b1 🤣

[hypercat54 in reply to b1b1b1]

You too Missus! 😁😜 x

[b1b1b1 in reply to hypercat54]

I am shivering now; I know us Yanks are only the crude bumpkins! b1 😎

[hypercat54 in reply to b1b1b1]

Ha ha you said it! 🤣😜 xx

[Shezza1 in reply to DodgeDhanda]

I've been suffering depression for 8 years. I've tried various tablets. But just lately I feel like crap. I'm crying everyday. I put on a fake persona in front of people. I just can't carry on no more

[Shezza1 in reply to DodgeDhanda]

Everything life in general. I was ok then I've fell off my perch and it's really affecting me. All I do is cry.

[DodgeDhanda in reply to Shezza1]

We all get so good at putting on a false front when in fact we should be looking after ourselves from the first second we realise but we wish to look normal & eventually that fails & the truth always comes out.

It's OK to stumble its OK to cry & it's OK to sometimes get a little angry as all these things are part of who we are.

One day you will decide to start look at being selfish & start working on urself & that too is fine as those around you who've never experienced it will be treading lightly or just avoiding you & that's fine cuz it's on you to work on you & discover how & what helps you to become a better you & its a lifetime job but for no pay but a lot of reward .

I wish you lots of luck , love , light & positivity on ur journey.

[Shezza1 in reply to DodgeDhanda]

Thankyou. Your words mean so much x

[EmmaEllie]

Hey Shezza1... feel free to private message me anytime you need someone to talk to... I've been fighting serious MDD issues and anxiety for over 6 months now...I understand how you feel.. the brain can be very powerful.. and it can influence you in some very bad ways .. I'm just now finding a little relief... but not happy or out of words by a long shot... I feel bad for you guys with lack of access to medical help... its really a shame.. no one really cares about mental health issues it seems.. anyways feel free to reach out anytime

[Shezza1 in reply to EmmaEllie]

You know when you want your brain to stop thinking. I've got an angel and a devil on my shoulder. It's just so hard

[Shezza1]

You have to start ringing from 8am then your in a queue of 48 people. And when they do pick up the phone they say they are no appointments left try back tomorrow. I try to explain my situation and the receptionist isn't interested

[hypercat54 in reply to Shezza1]

Most surgeries have emergency appointments for people who are working so ask for one of those.

I would consider working just your 16 hours a week and claiming full benefits ie working tax credit etc. Your children won't remember their childhood for having nice things but how much fun you all have as a family. They would want you to be less unhappy and more relaxed and that's much more important than having material goods.

[Shezza1 in reply to hypercat54]

I'll try again on monday. My head keeps on telling that I'm just a drain on the kids. I dont mean to snap and shout but I cant help it. They know I love them but a voice in my head says shezza your mentally draining them there better off with out you. With out you they will flourish your just a hindrance. Thankyou for your advice

[hypercat54 in reply to Shezza1]

No they wouldn't. I have a couple of friends who had a parent who committed suicide and they have never recovered. They both have not only a lot of pain but life long guilt that they couldn't prevent it, regardless of the circumstances.

It is the depression which is making you feel like this. Depression thoughts are false so please try not to listen to them. Do you have any support at all?

[Shezza1 in reply to hypercat54]

Both my parents died. My father 2014 and my mother 2016. Both of aunties have passed away. I do have siblings but I have to put on a false front. I've always been the strongest out of all of us. My friend circle is very small. So no I dont have no support. All i do is work then home. It's like groundhog day

[hypercat54 in reply to Shezza1]

It's not a sign of weakness to seek help when you need to. It's a sign of strength. No one is a island.

[Shezza1 in reply to hypercat54]

I feel like an island. Alone and in the middle of nowhere.

[Shezza1]

I'm from the uk. Thanks for your advice. Have a nice morning

[Hidden]

There was a time in my life I can relate to. Please listen for a few…

I’m a carpenter by trade so I would be up on roof of tall buildings working on edge looking over always envisioning the fall.

I would be on highway early in morning and take my sporty car up to 100+ mph and envision running it into something very solid.

So years of this and knowing of the suicides in my mothers side of the family was convincing enough in my mind to feel like it was destiny to hop to the other side. Like my family is cursed.

I was freaking out and checked myself into ER and then a psych facility mandatory 72 hours.

Got on meds.

Shared hearts with many suicidal people, some from attempts in last 24 hours.

For a little while I felt great and thought I was all fixed.

Years later I lost my life insurance policy, I’m off the meds, I hate therapists and the pharmaceutical machine of take this ask questions later mentality.

My point is, after years of thinking I needed meds and someone else to “fix” me…I realized that with a routine of exercise, rest, some “me time” to be able to sort thoughts, seems to be the right answer all along to keep my energy away from wanting death.

What’s a doctor going to do for you?

Give you pills, pat you on the butt on the way out and say “see you in 4 weeks and if this works great and if not we can try something different!”

Easier said than done, but perhaps you will find a shift in perspective at the right time and feel some sort of strength to go another path.

Being a parent when you’re struggling is not easy.

I’ve coached youth sports many occasions faking a smile to cover my horrible thoughts and I have two sons of my own.

Bless your day I hope you can find perspective to make your own thoughts less heavy traveler 🙏

[Shezza1 in reply to Hidden]

I really hope so too. It feels like a dream. I feel like I'm being suffocated. I just hate waking up knowing that I'm still here.

[Broken1971]

Hi. This stinks, finding help is so hard. Please remember that four weeks of suffering is four weeks of beating this and four weeks of getting stronger. I wish you the best. Please let us know how you do. You're a trooper!

[Shezza1 in reply to Broken1971]

I dont feel like a trooper. I feel like a sad pathetic fool that needs to get a grip on life. But it's so hard

[Broken1971 in reply to Shezza1]

I feel that way too. I feel useless and pathetic. I make it day by day, by talking to you guys and by distractions....tv is my company. Personally, you're helping me by sharing your struggles. You can do this.

[Hidden]

Hello. I'm a 50 year old woman and I'm going through a lot myself. You have to try to find what gives you hope and what inspires you. I write all my feelings and thoughts in a journal so I can get them out on paper and it isn't stuck in my brain. It can also be helpful to do what's called a gratitude journal. There must be at least one or two things to be grateful for even if stress and despair are overwhelming you. These are very rough times for a lot of people right now.

[Shezza1 in reply to Hidden]

I really dont know how to answer what I'm grateful for because at the moment all I seem to see and feel is just black. However thankyou for your advice

[KJnOTT]

I am so glad you reached out, we need the support and encouragement of others, particularly when we are struggling. I know what it is like to feel stuck in your situation and feelings, wondering when it is going to turn around. Take it one day at a time, no more than that. Know that your life has great value.

Here is a contact for a free session with a licensed counsellor. They will be able to assist you and maybe provide some local supports in your community - 855-382-5433.

Praying that you find strength, hope and love during this season. Blessings

[Shezza1 in reply to KJnOTT]

Thankyou for your advice. But i live in the uk

[Psalm63]

I hear the pain in your story. I don’t know all the details of your story but might I offer you some encouragement? You are needed. Your kids need you- even in your pain. Our world needs you. Your life matters. You can show that even in the darkest times- there’s still hope. I know you don’t see any hope at this point- would you take some of your very precious time to listen to this video? Maybe see a different perspective on hope? Maybe? I just attended a funeral last week for someone who committed suicide. All seemed lost. But there is hope. m.youtube.com/watch?v=-VsRl...(Not working as expected?)

[Shezza1 in reply to Psalm63]

Thankyou for your reply. I'm just so lost. I've looked and I still can't find. I don't even now what I'm looking for??.

[Psalm63 in reply to Shezza1]

Ok, let’s see... how did the video sit with you? Helpful or irritating? Or something else? I’d be happy to recommend a few other resources if you want to message me.

I know you said you’ve looked...can you expand on that?

[Olderbutnotwiser]

Hi Shezza1, The Receptionist is a gatekeeper that you have to convince of your emergency. Tell them you need an urgent GP phonecall at the very least and hopefully a referral to a mental health team that can come visit you at home. Things will get better with support.

[Shezza1 in reply to Olderbutnotwiser]

Thankyou for your reply. I've tried but the receptionists think they are the doctor. Just getting them to pick up the phone is a miracle alone