I think I'm getting migraines and nausea

At first I thought this was just increased anxiety because of a lot of stressors right. Then, it hit me (after a few google searches) I'm getting migraines. It's happened 20 years before and I remember the same pattern. So, it really IS an increase in anxiety giving me migraines..

[Rafiki11]

I’m sorry you’re suffering!

I wasn’t getting migraines but I was getting headaches that were lasting 3 full days. I was getting two or three headaches a week. They would only go away if I basically spent a whole day laying down.

It was from muscle tension from anxiety and work stress.

I went to my doctor and she gave me a muscle relaxer. I started going to a chiropractor/rehab center for physical therapy and adjustments.

I’m doing so much better! No more headaches.

[Hidden in reply to Rafiki11]

Thank Rafiki. I did go thru this before almost 20 years ago when I was going thru some tough times. I had a constant non stop headache for 3 years. No joke.

My Dr put me on Topamax and told me to keep taking it for a full year without headaches. It worked though I think cannabis helped too.

I'm just realizing how stressed I am and I don't know what to do at the moment. Lots of health problems, octogenarian, narcissistic mother who I have to take care of since my dad died last summer. There's more.

When I think about it like that and lay everything out I'm surprised how well I'm functioning to be honest.

I'm scared because I don't know how to make things better. And I have a 5 year old that I need to take care of. My wife doesn't drive so I have to drive everyone everywhere and she has severe depression which medication helped a lot but still has very bad days.

Sorry for the ran and thanks for listening

[Rafiki11 in reply to Hidden]

A 3 year headache sounds like a nightmare!! Cruel and unusual punishment.

It sounds like the adults in your life are sapping the energy you need to take care of your young child. But you’re a good dad so you still take care of your child even after your energy stores are gone.

Your body keeps track. If you don’t get the rest you need, you develop health problems that force you to rest.

I had to make a lifestyle change. I decided to leave my job to go to grad school for a slower paced job. I couldn’t be the mom my kids need and be a special education teacher without my physical and mental health suffering. My kids come first so the job has to go.

Maybe your lifestyle change could be to find a different way to make sure your mother is taken care of. Just because she gave birth to you and just because she is old does not mean she needs to be in your life. I’m assuming she was a narcissist when she was younger as well? Turning 80 doesn’t turn her into a sweet old lady.

Is she eligible for Medicaid?

[Hidden in reply to Rafiki11]

IT WAS BRUTAL!

I'm currently on disability (for a variety of conditions) from software development (high stress too). I'm in the middle of a disability review which isn't helping.

Unfortunately, my mom and I are involved in business together and she couldn't even make out a check if her life depended on it.

Yes, she has always been a narcissist but I only figured it out recently - after she destroyed my life.

Still, it has helped me a lot to know why she did the horrible things she did.

She has excellent health care so that's helpful.

[Rafiki11 in reply to Hidden]

I’m glad you’re able to take a break from working.

My guess is that your mom pretends to be unable to make out a check to keep you under her control. My narcissistic father has been “dying of kidney failure” for 25 years.

Her narcissism does not give her a free pass to do horrible things. She knows doing horrible things is wrong.

I’m glad her health care is excellent! Can you get her in a skilled healthcare facility?

[Hidden in reply to Rafiki11]

I wouldn't put it past her but she really is ignorant.

She's also very spry and works out every morning at like 6am.

I call her the terminator because she will outlive us all..

[Rafiki11 in reply to Hidden]

Yes! I’ve said if the good die young, my father is going to live forever! He’s 78 now.

He’s been about to drop dead for 25 years if we stress him out by not being perfect and raise his blood pressure and cause him a stroke.

[Hidden in reply to Rafiki11]

My mom used to use my dad. "I don't want anything bad to happen to your dad". That always worked but it turns out my dad wasn't as great as I thought but everyone says "your dad was the nicest guy ever". Yea, not to me

[Rafiki11 in reply to Hidden]

That is often the case. Big hero, charismatic act outside the home. Suck the life out of everyone inside the home behind closed doors.

[Hidden in reply to Rafiki11]

Yea, I'm starting to put it together now.

I always knew there was something wrong with my mom. Everyone did. But my dad may have had us all fooled. It makes me sad because I loved him and admired him when I was young

[Rafiki11 in reply to Hidden]

I understand that to an extent. My father was obviously a bad person. I didn’t realize my mother was not a good mom until I became a mom. I always thought she did the best she could.

Now I realize she was motivated by selfishness. She would rather stay out of trouble with CPS and have a husband with an income than protect her kids from a very harmful environment.

I don’t remember being neglected as a toddler but I know I was. When I had my daughter, I started feeling empty and and frozen. My brain remembered what my mind forgot. My “inner child” was jealous of my children. As a mother, I was nurturing them in a way that I never experienced.

[Hidden in reply to Rafiki11]

I was neglected too up to adulthood. Then, when I got a good job and moved out they were up my butt all the time.

I had a bittersweet relationship with a mom of 2 that showed me real love for the first time and I knew I wanted that and not what my parents were selling.

Wow, that's heavy. Isn't it amazing we can love our kids like that without any experience?

[Rafiki11 in reply to Hidden]

I think they were up your butt all the time because you seemed too independent and free…and maybe happy.

Real love within a family is a beautiful thing. I think we see real love the more we abandon the concept of perfection and focus instead on kindness and humility and courage.

We can love our kids without having experienced true love from our parents because IT’S NOT THAT HARD. You just have to put your kids needs before your own while only giving your kids about half their wants.

[Hidden in reply to Rafiki11]

You nailed it on the head. And my mom was jealous of my girlfriend. She really hated her for taking me away.

Wise words

[Rafiki11 in reply to Hidden]

Bingo.

The kicker is that you never belonged to your mom BECAUSE YOU’RE A HUMAN BEING not your mom’s pet.

[Hidden in reply to Rafiki11]

Out stories are quite similar

[Rafiki11 in reply to Hidden]

Yes, I agree. I think these dynamics have been at play in families throughout the world since history began. It’s a vicious cycle of hurt people choosing to hurt other people so they feel better or less bad themselves.

[Hidden in reply to Rafiki11]

Yes, if I put/keep you down that somehow makes me better. I think this is a choice not something they couldn't help

[Rafiki11 in reply to Hidden]

Yes, it’s a choice. I would rather feel good than make sure my kid/spouse feels good because I’m more important than my kid/spouse.