Uh-Zoom zip and I wake up *********TRIGGER ***********talk about hurting self, talk about stabbing

[Starrlight]

There’s a song by soul coughing called uh-zoom zip. I had been feeling like that song every morning - uh zoom zip and I wake up- I’d just jump out of bed at like 4:30 or 5:00 and walk my dog and laugh a lot ; now barely anything is funny anymore. Thinking back I was a little over the top with my high mood at times but it beats this.

Now by 4:00 pm I get really depressed. An obsession pops in my mind that it would be good to stab myself in the chest. I won’t do this but the thought and somewhat of an urge is there. It’s intrusive thoughts that are obsessive and I am thinking about signing myself up at a woman’s center for specific help with obsessions/intrusive thoughts.

Getting ready to meditate with a friend in a few. Maybe that will cause a shift.

[Agora1]

Namaste my friend.... Breathe xx

[Starrlight in reply to Agora1]

Namaste my friend thank you ✨

[Starrlight in reply to Agora1]

It means a lot to me that you are here for me now. It’s a scary thing to go through.

[Agora1 in reply to Starrlight]

I may not have any life experience with depression but I hope you know

that I'm behind you in taking positive steps forward to help yourself.

I did it myself. Probably the hardest thing I ever had to do. But the reward was so

great. One step in front of the other. I too am behind you in your decision to sign

up for the Women's Center. Help is there in numbers. I'm with you all the way xx

[Roxylox]

I would maybe advise to sign yourself up for that centre

[Hidden]

Yes, namaste, Starrlight. I am hoping that you experience a shift in your thoughts. 🙏🏻

[newbie1956]

Very difficult to endure...Healing thoughts 🧡

[Hb2003]

Your not alone ❤️🫂I have experienced that as well

[Iammesues]

Urges happen. We need to resist

[Dolphin14]

I hope your meditation helped you and you are at peace tonight

❤️🐬

[Starrlight]

The women’s center is something I may like to do in the future . Unti then I just realized my current therapist can help me with my obsessions I realize I haven’t even told her about the obsessions and urges. I will do that next session. Part of me doesn’t want to do the women’s center again... they set me up with someone and she was very unhelpful and I stayed and gave her quite a long try I don’t want to do that again.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

You have to be comfortable with a therapist, in my personal opinion. If your current therapist can help you, then this may the best decision for you, Starrlight. This is about your recovery and it should be done in a way that makes you feel secure.

Our healing can take a very long time, in fact, it may even be a life long work in progress. This is how it is for me, and I accept this.

I hope your meditation session helped to give you some respite from the negative thoughts. 🙏🏻

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Yes! You are so right! My psychiatrist keeps pressuring me for women’s center but I’ve been so many times never to find a click with a therapist but I do have one now who gets me and is there for me she’s intuitive like me; we work well together and I am progressing so much!!!!!!!!! Thank you! Sometimes I let others tell me what is right even though deep down I know what is good for me. I need to be more attentive to this part of me. You are awesome love ya! ❤️

[Hidden]

You are awesome, Starrlight, and you are most welcome. 🌿

I found this quote, yesterday. It resonated with me so much that I posted it in my Intro post so that I can refer to it, easily.

"Things I know about healing: You get to set the pace, no one else. You get to define what growth looks like for you. You get to start over as many times as it takes."