Feeling low

[Kaydwg]

Mother’s Day always has a weird effect on me. I feel sad because I will never be a biological mother ... not at least while I’m married to my husband. We are supposed to foster or adopt but he always finds a reason to postpone. And we just aren’t getting along. I feel like he is retreating and not being open with me. He is always stressed out about his Job. He tells me I get upset and tell him he’s criticized him me whenever we talk. And I feel like he never shares himself with me but rather just tries to offer advice or his opinion about whatever I’m sharing. So alone. The sad part is this is better than it was. Marriage is not the partnership I hopped it would be and I’m not sure it ever will be with him. Or are my expectations just too high?

I feel so very alone. I don’t think we are working towards the same goals and I’m not even sure what his goals are anymore. Maybe he doesn’t know either.

I’ve been getting so much worse with retreating/pushing him away. I guess I’m protecting myself from further disappointment in some terribly unhealthy way. Even when I try I feel like I hit a brick wall. I might hug him and he doesn’t even hug me back. We both depressed I think but since he won’t or can’t share that with me I just feel alone in dealing with it myself. Maybe that’s how he feels too.

Thanks for listening. I know this too shall pass. But I just wanted to feel connected to someone somehow. And y’all are so supportive!

[Fearoffear]

Sometimes we drift apart to come back together stronger. I hope that is what is happening, but if not don't let him invalidate you and your feelings. I would write down your feelings and your thoughts and write him a letter and either give it to him or read it to him. That way there is no misunderstanding of your wants and needs and emotions invested. Maybe this will show what goals you are going for and he can let you know if you're still on the same page. We are here if you need us and gentle hugs to you 🤗🤗

[Kaydwg in reply to Fearoffear]

Great advice.

[Kaydwg]

Small world! I’m also a CASA and 100% agree. I appreciate the advice. It’s not gonna happen unless he is onboard. But that makes it a hard situation for me. Do I leave him so I can pursue that goal for myself or do I just have to let that go and find something else, like being a CASA, to fill my need to care for children.

[Kaydwg]

Thank you for the work you do advocating with schools for foster youths. ❤️ It’s hard work but really makes an impact.

We do see a marriage counselor, but I think you’re right. We probably need to go more often. Once a month isn’t enough .... he just gets fussy when I try to schedule more frequent sessions because he goes to his own therapist now too.

[JkBauer]

Good afternoon,Happy day, God bless you! Remember, men especially have a hard time showing their emotional side. But, men do get afraid, they will not show it or tell anyone. If they do not know how to be in control, they will make up excuses to avoid the situation. IE. my husband and my daughter and her little daughter came up, back home for Mother's Day this last weekend. He loves our daughter and granddaughter to the moon and back so to speak. But, he is not one who knows how to show and share hugs and play on the floor with her. So, when our granddaughter says "Papa!" - "Papa!" - "Papa!" and he does not respond to her, I tell her. Go up to "Papa" and look at him and talk to him. - 1). Seek out advice from a wise family member/ friend or pastor/ counselor. 2). Take the time to ask questions to your husband and just listen to him. 3). Find a way that you can make time to pay attention to your husband and be involved in the things that interest him. 4). Be patient! These things take time. Change is never easy or quick. - One more thing, there is a book out called "Loving God With All Your Mind' by Kay Arthur. It is a great book to read for this exact situation. I have read it and I am still using some of her ideas and suggestions today. - PS. You can get it online.