Today

[Diarysew]

I’ve been suffering from anxiety for a long time now, but only recently have a really started to think about it more in depth as it’s got worse as I’ve got older.

When I was little me, my two sisters and my mum were Victims of abuse, the abuser being my dad. Who I haven’t seen since I was little.

I have a step-dad who had turnt our lives around I could never thank him enough, really

But

He doesn’t understand.

He doesn’t understand when he shouts it triggers,

When he demands it triggers,

When he makes us feel powerless it triggers.

When he calls me pathetic for crying, reacting to situations differently than he would, being quiet, being an introvert, being scared, being shy

I am writing this as I have just had a shout off with him

I was crying because I was dealing with a spider being in my room, something I’m afraid of, and me and my brother was trying to find it. It was really stressful for me and it just really got to me, even though we found it and got rid of it, i still had all the stress build up inside of me and it made me cry.

He told me I was pathetic and started to raise his voice at me.

It escalated and ended with him telling me to stay out of his sight.

I’m just hoping letting this out on here will help me to calm down and stop crying but yeah, thanks for listening if you got this far.

[Hb2003]

I’m so sorry about everything . Lots of kindness and support know that your not alone- Hiba

[Diarysew in reply to Hb2003]

Thank you <3

[Hb2003 in reply to Diarysew]

Your welcome ❤️🙏

[raschroeder19]

Triggers are for real and people who haven't experienced what we have don't get it. I'm sorry for what you're going thru. What to say except hold on. I tell myself someday things will be different.

[Diarysew in reply to raschroeder19]

Thank you, I wish people just had an open mind to situations and feelings but I guess they just don’t, especially when they are older. I’ve always felt younger people tend to accept and appreciate what your going through even if they haven’t before

[Diarysew]

I never retaliate the way I retaliated in this instant, I normally nod my head and agree and keep my mouth shut but lately as I’ve got worse with my anxiety, I guess I just couldn’t hold it all in anymore and I couldn’t keep quiet this time. I understand that if I had kept quiet it probably wouldn’t have escalated but I really just felt that there was not even a need for him to tell me I was being pathetic and stressing out because there are bigger things in the world to worry about, and I need to grow up, which is what he was saying. He just doesn’t understand why I get worked up sometimes and because he isn’t like that he doesn’t like it ? I’m not sure but yeah

[Diarysew]

Thank you for trying to help, I appreciate it x

[momofjust2boys]

Triggers are very real but they are relatively new to most of society. Many older generations-esp men-think they're bogus. So your stepfather may never really understand. As long as you're in his house you will probably have to deal with it. Please come back here to us, use your other available resources too, and we will help you through this.

[Diarysew in reply to momofjust2boys]

Yeah I understand that, thank you so much for your support it means a lot

[Jay2O]

Experiences when we are young can still have an effect on us as we grow older so your reactions to some things are quite understandable. It is a shame your step father doesn`t totally get you but then a lot of men do not like to show weaknesses especially around others. He was maybe brought up to be this way by perhaps a strict father or mother. Try and forgive him and focus on his good points. I`m sorry the incident made you upset. Some people do not realise what they say/do. Take care. We are here for you. x

[misslillie]

You understand your trauma issues and the dynamics of trauma. That gives you a good headstart towards coping. I too suffer from cPTSD from childhood physical and emotional abuse. Let me assure you that you are not pathetic. Being told so is emotional abuse. I think the situation was significant. I could not cope with a biting insect in some undetermined location in my room when the lights go off. I am afraid you are right, I don't think you're step father is going to change. It will be up to you to adapt. You can do it. You will find the support when you need from your friends here I think.