Family

[Bocell65]

This topic is probably harder then anything that I have had to deal with and still dealing with. They say if you don’t feel safe at home, you won’t feel safe out in the world. It paralyzes you , it paralyzed me anyway . I call my mother every weekend just to talk and out of nowhere I hear my father say, Check your email.. Now ! It was his tone and and how authoritative he sounded and just like that I turned into this little girl that was so afraid of him and I actually was about to check my email until I realized I don’t have to do what he says . The part that bothers me so much was how quickly I became that little girl and doing what he said or he would hurt me. The email was just a picture he had taken of my mom. There was a lot of abuse as a child and a lot of lies so nobody would know what was really going on. So many lies that it just became a normal thing because it felt safer, easier then telling the truth. Then one day someone said to me, “ I think you lie because most of your life it was necessary for survival. I had never looked at it like that before. . it was very powerful and so true. It still haunts me. My brother is just like my father, as far as being controlling and doing things his way. He has a criminal record, DUI, selling drugs. How I never became just like him is beyond me. We have both had our share of abuse as children and he just buried it but for me it still sits there taunting me and making me feel like there is no hope.

[raschroeder19]

I'm sorry you're going thru this. If people only knew the pain they cause other people do you think they would still act the way they do?

[Bocell65 in reply to raschroeder19]

Probably not : / I think they act the way they do because they themselves are in pain, they just don’t want to admit it.

[SirGrits]

Hey Bocell65, I couldn't tell from your post whether you've had any therapy concerning your upbringing. There are some pretty specific treatments out there for trauma and us amateurs just don't have adequate tools to deal with the damage done to our inner selves. Kudo's for getting away and for staying on the straight and narrow. You've clearly got what it takes to put this behind you; just keep running the marathon, you're doing well.Prayers girl.