PTSD my whole life?

[Aish_]

So I started going to PTSD webinars and when I truly started to reflect on what was going on in my life. Like comparing how a normal person would raise a child compared to how I was actually raised. I think I maybe have had trauma from a very early age from being beat, or being yelled or screamed at by both of my parents independently due to their divorce. Long story short the way people raise kids today is very understanding and they seem to find it endearing when kids make a mistake. When I was a kid and would lose my T-shirt while my mom was doing laundry she would just yell and scream and make me feel so overwhelmed, id just run away to be alone. I truly appreciate how things seem to have changed in modern times, but when I compare the empathy and understanding and tolerance people have for children today, I almost feel like crying because I was never offered the same dignity or tolerance.

Anyway what I want to do is figure myself out. I know people with PTSD have memory issues and if you overcome them you can have a better memory. I want to go back to school if I can figure out my PTSD so im pretty motivated to figure it all out. Anxiety and depression are just par for the course for me right now. I take a bunch of meds which have stabilized me which I am grateful for. Now I just want to put all this stuff behind me, figure out how to be happy for others and not break down crying when I see a child receiving something that was never offered to me. Wow I am a horrific mess.

Anyway thanks for listening.

[Roxylox]

It is understandable that you would feel cheated

[Aish_ in reply to Roxylox]

Honestly it is a relief to just feel accepted for my experiences instead of being judged. Usually when I would talk about these things with my family they would just be critical of me being critical so I wouldn't say anything. Regardless thank you for your words and understanding.

[Roxylox in reply to Aish_]

Thank you for your reply. It takes courage to post about your feelings. I think it helps us process them when we bring them out into the open. Too many things were hidden by people in the past.

[Hb2003]

Welcome to this kind and supportive community ☺️🙏 - Hiba

[Agora1]

Hi Aish_ it's sad to hear how your childhood traumatized you enough to have you carry

PTSD throughout your life. However, you are at the age now in being your own person.

You may not be able to change what happened in your earlier years but you can go forward.

I think going back to school and pursuing your endeavors is a great idea.

It's okay to be sad when you see children receive the love and attention you did not.

Unfortunately, your parent's divorce put their issues at priority instead of their child.

I hope you understand that had nothing to do with you. What you learned as a child

is one of those hard facts of life. But it needn't stay that way. It's time for you to move

forward. I wish you the best. I'm glad the medication seems to be helping. Maybe therapy

would compliment the process in overcoming your PTSD>

I'm happy to Welcome you to this great support group. Together, we can all walk this

journey hand in hand. I'm glad you are here with us. xx

[Aish_ in reply to Agora1]

Yes I am currently in online therapy and I am so grateful for my therapist. I think she really gets me, which isn't something that always happens in therapy. I'm just so glad to find a place where I can express myself without being punished for it. Even I was in denial of my own issues for so long.Regardless of everything I am truly wishing you well.

[hypercat54]

I am sorry you went through this, I too was yelled at and emotionally abused as a child. I think the first thing to realise is that many people have had dysfunctional childhoods ranging from mild abuse to more serious. Most people aren't lucky enough to have the ideal childhood you describe and it's certainly not the majority.

Whilst I understand you feel cheated (I do too) all you can do is try and heal the damage as best as you can and try and become the person you should have been.. There is no other choice.

The secret is to accept you aren't going to get the support and help you need from toxic people whether they are family or not. You have to look elsewhere for your approval and validation.

Google Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

[Aish_ in reply to hypercat54]

Do you know of the community Out Of The Storm? I swear I have never identified with people sharing their issues before. It is like everyone is another version of myself. Thank you so much for your suggestion!!!

[hypercat54 in reply to Aish_]

You are very welcome. Also have a look at Childhood emotional neglect. There is also a PTSD site on here too.

[Aish_]

Wow... CPTSD seems absolutely correct for me. Thank you so much for the information!!