Struggling everyday

[Brooke_L]

It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. I finally gained the courage to log back in and ask for advice. I am in my late 20’s and pregnant with my second daughter and I am struggling everyday just to even get out of bed. I am more upset than I have ever been about where I’m at in life. I feel so behind all my peers that I grew up with. They’re all so successful with their careers and their endeavors and I’m sitting behind a screen watching with pure envy and jealousy wishing I had the confidence and the motivation to pursue a career that I’m interested in. The biggest problem is I fear people and their thoughts of me, I fear pain and judgement, I fear rejection and failure. All I seem to be good at is doubting myself in everything that I do. Everything has become so hard for me. Daily tasks such as cleaning the house or doing the dishes gives me anxiety and I feel so overwhelmed. I am so lost and broken inside. I have no idea who I am or what I want out of life. How am I supposed to be a good role model to 2 daughters if I can barely get out of bed or get off the couch? They will grow up to see their mom fears life and is so incredibly insecure. Idk what to do anymore. No therapists are accepting patients in my area. I feel so alone. I never wish these feelings on anyone.

[Joeyman]

Hello friend, I am sorry that you are going through so much pain. Your feeling of being behind others is something that we all feel. However life is not just about a career, it's much much more. You have been taking care of your daughter which is a great achievement. How many people with great careers can honestly say that they can raise a child the way you do? The fact that you can do it just shows that you are stronger than you think. As someone with mental health issues myself, life often seems to be a drag to me. But there are ways that we can learn to manage. Try to watch sitcoms, they have helped me a great deal through some of my worst moments. Do you have pets? Spending time with animals can calm us a lot. Do you have other things that you enjoy doing like drawing, reading stories or gardening? While doing things you enjoy, take your daughter with you. She is your team mate. When she grows up, she is going to be so proud of her mommy. Also once it's possible, do see a mental health expert, they can help us a lot. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE A GREAT HUMAN BEING AND MOM.

[Mumma_h in reply to Joeyman]

You’re very wise joeyman, great advice, especially about pets , they can be huge comfort 😊

[Brooke_L in reply to Joeyman]

Your words were so kind and honestly made me cry. Thank you so much for saying that, I needed that. I do love my daughter more than life, and she is the only reason I can get out of bed in the morning. I struggle but I do it. Life often seems like a drag to me as well, and things I used to enjoy I don’t anymore or I lose interest so quickly in something that excited me for a day or so. I hope that you are able to find happiness, also!!

But thank you for all of your words, seriously. It really, really meant a lot to me. 💛

[EndUser13]

I get overwhelmed way too easily, sometimes slack off doing nothing then guilt-trip myself into feeling worse about not being productive enough.

My best days are when I remember to take things one at a time, small steps, and make progress bit by bit.

When I moved into the place I am now, I started living alone and with no one else to clean for, I really began to slack off. I'd get overwhelmed about the dishes piling up and then give myself a hard time for not doing them, which just made it all that much worse.

I started just doing a few dishes at a time and over the day I'd end up getting more done. I made little effort to vacuum or mop here or there and as these things became a habit, I stopped beating myself up so much. I like having a clean place and knowing where everything is; for the longest time, I was stuck living with a complete slob and had to deal with nasty cockroaches all the time. It didn't matter how clean I was, they were still around and a couple of times they wandered into my computer's power supply (kind of funny, but annoying and destructive too).

I would recommend this- small steps, appreciating the progress you make in things, and trying to give yourself credit for the things you've accomplished rather than the things you wish you'd done.

As for regrets about your peers, they are you and you aren't them. You can't fairly judge your life to theirs because no matter how similar two people are, there's always going to be worlds of difference. We all need to judge ourselves by our standards.

Take some time to build your confidence back up! If it helps, write down ideals you'd like to impress upon your kids and fun, engaging ways you can teach them.

Not every day has to be a big win... maybe I'm a bit of a hypocrite for writing some of this, or maybe I'm reminding myself while I'm telling you what I think, but we're trying and that's what counts.

[Brooke_L in reply to EndUser13]

You’re absolutely right. I beat myself down over everything that I don’t do rather than even recognizing anything that I do do. I need to work on changing my mindset but that is something I have had the hardest time trying to do. I have been so insecure since about 6th grade and it’s only become worse. Comparing myself to others is something that I do on a daily basis so that has become a habit and a seriously hard one to break. I do it so often that I have lost sight of anything that I want out of life because I have started to want what everyone else has or I’ve always done things so that I fit with everyone else. I have lost my own identity. Maybe that’s another reason I feel so lost.

You’re not a hypocrite, like you said, sometimes we need to help others so we can’t remind ourselves of certain things. I hope that this may have helped you in a way. Thank you for replying to my post, you have no idea what it means just to know that I’m not alone or that there are people in the world. 💛💛

[Mumma_h]

Hey brooke sweetheart, you do have a great job !! The best in the world, don’t compare yourself to others . I wish I had of wanted a career but never did , I couldn’t have thought of anything worse than having to go to work when my children where little Don’t be down on yourself ok , it doesn’t matter if the house gets a little messy... or not everything gets done ... you are the most important thing right now , yes your children are ,but first you honey,try not to over worry, get yourself ok first . I’m sure you’re doing an amazing job , because it’s obvious you care very very much . Are your friends having children at the moment? Who knows, maybe it’s exactly where they want to be and are secretly jealous of you !! Worry and anxiety and thinking you are not good enough is a horrible place to be , I’ve been there too so I completely sympathise with you !! Do you know where these feelings of inadequacy comes from ? Has someone made a comment or something you’ve just believed for long time because you were told that’s where you should be ? ( in a top career ) ? I hope this site can be a big support to you ❤️❤️

[Brooke_L in reply to Mumma_h]

Well thank you, I do care more than anything in the world about my daughter. She’s literally everything to me. But I have been beat down by myself, by others since around 6th grade in middle school. That was when my life took a turn and the bullying and self doubt started. And also never feeling good enough for my dad really never helped. My family is successful and I’m scraping by with literally every scent I have. I don’t even have a savings account. I just can’t gain confidence to even try an pursue a career or anything. I have been struggling with insecurity for such a long time that it’s almost become how I think on a day to day, minute to minute basis. Idk how to change it.

Thank you for all of your kind words and you just reaching out has such a big impact that you may not even realize and I am so grateful! I wish the best for you and so much happiness. 💛

[Mumma_h in reply to Brooke_L]

Agghhh , I knew it had to come from somewhere. I believe bullying is a form of mental abuse , or at very least has the same effect. I was mentally abused by my husband and I became incredibly down on myself, worse than that actually, it was like I was just gone , here but my real self had gone . You are wonderful, you are an amazing mother , I can just tell by your words. The negative things that have been said to over the years are just plain wrong, wrong , wrong , do you hear me sweet girl 😉wrong !!! Mumma bear is coming out in me now . My daughter is 29 and has a gorgeous little boy, and if anyone ever made her feel bad , in the past or present then they’d have to deal with me !!! I’m very compassionate and soft but mess with my girl and they will hear about it . What would you do if someone put down your girl, I’m sure your inner Mumma bear would come out too , so you need to self love . I am praying over you tonight and I pray very hard 😆. I’m actually brought to tears literally thinking of you . Don’t worry I cry a bit , good emotions or bad 😆either way it doesn’t seem to matter . I know sometimes that prayer may seem hollow if you don’t believe but Ive seen miracles in my own life so I believe in them . I’ve recently had to do a counseling for something that’s happened in my life and she told me to read a book . She said don’t laugh because it’s actually a children’s book but that makes it simple and easy to read and I’m 47 😆. It’s called ‘you are so special “ by max lucado , you can YouTube it . Obviously Eli is god in the book . Well I’ve gotta go and cry and pray for you . Sometimes we can’t just believe something away ,so it’s not you ok, especially when it’s been going on a long time . The way you are feeling is NOTHING to do with you doing something wrong . If it was that easy we’d all be fine . Msg me privately if you ever want to , I don’t know how to do it but I know how to answer once I get there 😆, sooo behind the times . 💕

[socratesanne]

Just recently read a great article on negative thinking. I will take some ideas and put them in here as it changed my thinking, Have already raised my family but was too self doubting to enjoy it. Now decades later I am remembering all the wonderful things, even the worst job I had or the wonder of the children that are still ny joy when I review my life.

Sometimes I think we should review each day for this joy so they are stored in our brains and let the negative thought go away to allow the space for those daily wonders that we were too busy judging ourself needlessly. I read this article and realized it is what I was taught, like bad math. I need to teach myself what is true and real, like the children we take joy in, a bird walking across a path, a squirrel on the run, a cozy dog or even a clean floor.

It is hard but with a gratitude list each day, even if it is one thing, can move us forward when we are tired and feeling low. I love to have a cup of green tea each night as it is healthy, warm and soothing and reminds me to think of my child smile that day or a flower or just a worker telling something funny. Life is funny when we become the watcher for it and try to teach ourself how to be kind and positive toward ourself. My parents were not positive people and we need to be that for our children and mostly for ourself.

[Brooke_L in reply to socratesanne]

You’re absolutely right! Showing gratitude towards little things might help me realize what is important and the things that are not. Sometimes it’s so hard to be appreciative towards the little things that bring little splashes of joy to our days when all we can see and everything we feel is negative But some days I look at my daughter and can’t imagine my life without her. But some days I feel like she would be better off with someone who can function more regularly and can teach her how to love herself. I feel like a hypocrite trying to teach her to be confident and love herself when I physically become nauseous at a glance of myself in the mirror or the thought of myself in my head. I really need to work on my negative self talk and my negative outlook on life. I know that these things I’m worried about now will later become a waste of my youth when looking back. But it is SOO hard to change those thoughts.

I appreciate you reaching out to me and sharing the article that meant so much to you. It means a lot to me as well. Wishing you happiness and health, always 💛