Everyday is a struggle. : Does anyone... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Everyday is a struggle.

Shutterbug65 profile image
33 Replies

Does anyone else suffer or have you suffered from insomnia? I wake up everyday after about 5 hours of sleep with anxiety. The anxiety makes it impossible for me to get back to sleep. I take Mirtazapine at night which helps me to get to sleep. However I’m tired of taking meds. Im also on Xanax XR 1 mg for over a year.

I feel so alone and overwhelmed. I have no one to turn to except my phychiatrist once a month. I have no one to talk to who understands. That’s all I’m looking for.

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Shutterbug65
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33 Replies
1947treble profile image
1947treble

I used to have really bad insomnia. I could go up to 3-4 days without sleeping. I don't like being drugged to sleep but I eventually needed medication. It doesn't effect me badly and I have a much better time and focus now that I sleep every night. It'd been off and on for years. I hope you find what works for you.

in reply to 1947treble

What do you take?

basten profile image
basten in reply to 1947treble

Hello. What do you now take which helps you sleep??

basten profile image
basten in reply to 1947treble

What are you on now for sleep??

Shutterbug65 profile image
Shutterbug65

Hi thank you for responding. I’ve had anxiety ever since childhood, but I was able to usually avoid whatever it was that caused it. Especially social situations or speaking in front of others would trigger my anxiety. But I was happy, however you can’t go avoiding everything as it leads to a very lonely and unfulfilling life. Which is how I feel now. I’ve allowed to take away to much of my life.

I also don’t like Mirtazapine it makes me feel foggy for most of the day, a hangover effect I guess. I just don’t know how to turn off my worrying mind.

The anxiety I have now is new. I always been able to sleep good up until the last few years. And it’s getting worse. Anxiety, insomnia, depression it’s just getting to much to bear.

basten profile image
basten in reply to Shutterbug65

I do feel for you. I'm 70 in UK and over medicated. I wish I'd never seen let alone take prescribed drugs. However when I was depressed anti does did help but some caused my insomnia that's why I'm in such a mess now at 70. Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway is a good good book.

Nom-D-Ploom profile image
Nom-D-Ploom

I have had severe insomnia for most of my life. I use Elavil, Seroquel, Minipress, and Melatonin. That is the combo we have after a year of trial and error.

I am sleeping almost every night. I am now generally asleep from 3:30 AM to 10:30 AM.....sometimes longer. I have a mental 'playlist' of things I allow myself to think about as I try to fall asleep. I refuse to deviate from that list and think troubling thoughts.

I use white noise. Either a fan or "rainstorm in the forest."

I keep my dog close enough to feel her when I reach out.

I ignore aches and pains.

I keep the head of the bed elevated about 30 degrees.

I ACCEPT that I still may not sleep tonight, but it's OK. I don't have to go to work, so being sleepy isn't an issue. If I fail to fall asleep I can watch some YouTube until I'm ready to try again. No stress. If I fail tonight I have no reason to be upset. And now I rarely fail to get any sleep.

basten profile image
basten in reply to Nom-D-Ploom

Makes a lot of sense. Well done you are strong.

iceprincess111 profile image
iceprincess111

Totally relate

Shutterbug65 profile image
Shutterbug65

Thank you. All I do is hang in there everyday. And I’m happy you are too. I’m just tired of living like this. I keep thinking I’ll end up in the hospital. My life and everything around me seems to be falling apart. I have no one to talk to, no close family or friends. I wish I could start all over, there was a time when I was happy.

Shutterbug65 profile image
Shutterbug65

Hi, I’m 54. The thing is I see so many people who seem happy. People who are together, doing everyday things. I’ve allowed anxiety and depression to control my life. Instead of going out with people when I’m invited I made excuses to stay home. And this is the result .

I’m sorry to babble on like this. I just wish I took more chances, even if I failed it would be okay because at least I tried.

Lonewolf60 profile image
Lonewolf60

I have problems GOING to sleep. I think that is just normal for someone who is naturally a "night owl". The anxiety and depression come into play with the thoughts that keep running through my head when I try to sleep. I take Xanax for anxiety and Zoloft for depression. The best thing I have tried that knocks me out is marijuana. I smoke 3-4 hits from a bongo after I take my meds at about 9:30 pm and I'm usually asleep within an hour. I use the indica strains and they really do the trick. The best thing about it is I have no drug hangover the next morning like sleeping pills cause. You don't have to smoke it. There are edibles, but they take longer to take effect since they have to go through your stomach.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

basten profile image
basten in reply to Lonewolf60

My son smokesvit and he gets a good night's sleep. Only weekends then he says his sleep isn't so good the first 3 nights without it, then he's ok again. If pot helps you that's good.

Shutterbug65 profile image
Shutterbug65 in reply to Lonewolf60

Thank you. I wish I was brave. I’m so afraid of everything that could go wrong and spiral my life out of control. The medication makes me feel strange. I don’t want to live this way anymore. I’m alone and I have no friends to help me. I heard some good things about marijuana and helping to relieve anxiety, also CBT oil has really worked well for some people. So I heard.

basten profile image
basten

Hello I'm 70 female in UK. I understand your frustration and feeling so alone and only seeing your psych once month. I'm in a mess. No-one told mevZooiclobe or benzos were addictive. I've just come out of the mental hospital and the psych there has kept me on them and said I blame your doctor. I'm also on 1 x Amitryptiline, 1 x Mirtazapine, so plus 1 x Zopiclone, plus 1 x clonazepam and 1 x Rispiridone. I suffer still from anxiety and panics!! And I'm still not sleeping well. I stopped my Zopiclone for one night and was awake all night then had the bad anxiety, panics all next p.m. and HAD to take the Zopiclone again. I'm hooked but am going to try cutting off a bit of it at a time over a week, then a bit more the following week. Trouble is, like you I have no one except a psych to talk to and I'm quite honestly scared, cos I can't stand not sleeping as my days are soo long which is tough. I've also put on a stone in weight from the Mirtazipan as craving bad foods so gonna have to watch what I eat. PLUS now my bowels hardly work despite 3 different laxatives a day. Saw GP and she gave me a bottle for an enema but didn't shift much. So if anyone out there reads this and is thinking of trying Z tablets DONT. or you'll regret it. I can't handle the withdrawals at my age so I feel a right mess. Good luck. Try talking tovSamaratibs. They will just listen but better than no one to talk to bless you.

basten profile image
basten in reply to basten

A good book is Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway.

LovePurple2 profile image
LovePurple2 in reply to basten

basten, my heart & prayers go out to you! I suffer from depression, anxiety & panic attacks. It's a horrible feeling & the days are long. I do better in the evening hours & before bed time. It's the morning hours & all day I have the anxiety & do everything to keep my mind busy & thinking of other things & doing laundry & housework cleaning & somedays that is too hard to do, because I can feel the shakes & tremors inside my body & I have to go outside & do deep breathing. My family doctor recommended me to see a psychiatrist last month & I did & he put me on Lexapro 10mg 1 tablet a day at dinner time. I take it at 5pm in the evening. Today, will make 3 weeks being on the Lexapro. It can take anywhere from 2 to 6 weeks to feel the full effect of this new med. I was on Zoloft since 2003 & he reduced the Zoloft from my current 150mg to 50mg 1 time a day & feels the Zoloft isn't working for me, because I been on it for so long. My family doctor put me clonazepam 0.5mg in 2015 & take 1 tablet before bed & 1 tablet during the day. I started to feel a lot better & then went down to 1 tablet before bed, because this medicine makes me tired. Like you, my family doctor did not tell me that the Benzo's are addictive & hell to come off of. My psychiatrist doesn't prescribe them anymore & said, once he gets my depression & anxiety under control, he wants to wean me off the clonazepam very slowly. I take a half of 0.5 mg of clonazepam before bed since August of this year & I sleep good. I take a half during the day when I get anxious & sometimes a half of a half. I can't take no more than 2 clonazepam in a 24 hour period. My prayers go out to you & everyone who suffers from this horrible illness. Hang in there & be strong my friend!❤️🙏🙌🙏

basten profile image
basten in reply to LovePurple2

Thank you I don't feel so alone with this awful illness when you have shared with me. My psychiatrist cold turkeyed me from 1 mg Clonazepam at night to 0.5 and never said we will wean you off. I had days of crying and horrendous attacks. Couldn't walk, shaking and crying. He did stop it first for one night and I woke wide awake at 1.30 then 2.30 and the night staff gave me one on his orders and I slept...then the attacks were bad for 5 weeks. Like you I'm better by evenings. It's the mornings etc. I start to do something or take the dog out and I go all weak have to rest and Do deep breathing. My dear friend I never knew till lately what anxiety and panic attacks felt like. They all started when one night I stopped my Zopiclone. I didn't sleep all night despite the Clonazepam and the next day I felt dreadful and had to take the Zopiclone 7.5 again at night. Then they tried Seroquel and the attacks were awful and horrendous night mares. Had them ever since. I've just come out of a mental health unit 2 weeks ago and everything is so overwhelming. I still don't sleep well but I'm glad you do. I'm gonna start chipping bits off the Zopiclone slowly over the next week. I'm seeing a Dr. Friday so will also speak to her. I guess cos I'm 70 the psych knew I couldn't handle it. But they put people in there on it and the Z drug!!! Guess they get paid each time even more money. When I was discharged I said "another one bites the dust and you should try being an inpatient yourself". He just laughed. Anyway, I used to be an alcoholic but stopped 20 odd years ago but have an addictive nature. I do remember stopping the Z drug on and off years ago and Clonazepam with no bad effects except couldn't sleep for a week. Anyway, Thank you for sharing. I do hope you manage to taper off slowly and it's not too bad. Funnily enough I used to sleep ok until they put me on antidepressants then couldn't. What an life it is. I do envy people who are drug free, sleep well etc. I feel I've aged so quickly!! God bless you and anyone else whose struggling. 🌹🌹🌹

Shutterbug65 profile image
Shutterbug65 in reply to basten

Hi. I’m on medications for anxiety and depression. The biggest problem in my life for my wellbeing is loneliness. I have no one in my life, I’m 54 never been married and have no children and carry around a lifetime of regrets. I’m not well I can’t sleep and my mind won’t quiet down, I worry about everything. Throughout my life I pushed away people who cared about me, I would always think up an excuse not to attend a family gathering or any social gathering for that matter. I’ve always been a loner. And the result is a very empty and lonely life. People have moved on and gave up inviting me out and I can’t blame them. There’s more to it but anxiety and self doubt have played a big roll.

basten profile image
basten in reply to Shutterbug65

Hello I am 70 have 2 grown children but I understand what you mean about loneliness. I always feel lonely even in a crowd and I have no friends local. I know people to talk to but I never have visitors from them. I guess I've always felt lonely. Anyway you seem to have social anxiety and little faith in yourself as I'm sure you're a nice person. I like many people feel alone. Yes I have two grown children who try and see me when they're not busy . I am lucky and grateful. It's just when I sit here all day on my own it's hard. I cut myself off and stopped going to Church and lunch club due to my anxiety. The meds aren't agreeing with me at the minute. I keep still getting anxiety where my legs go weak and I sweat and shake and I have to rest. I've bought a couple of books about positive affirmations everyday and the best of all is Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. See if you can buy a copy off EBay. It's all about loving and liking yourself for who you are. You are perhaps depressed as you're not sleeping and I hope you've told your GP but don't take sleepers or benzos if offered as they are addictive. I didn't know and they have caused me more trouble. Also I've learnt to forgive and forget the past...it just drags you down and a heavy burden. I've learnt I can't change the past and now try to take it one day at a time and try not to worry about everything. It's very hard and I do struggle still. People say life is too short and trust me at 70 they are right. People have stopped ringing me too...People don't want to hear it...I've always been a negative person and it's not done me any good. I can get anxious just sitting in a chair watching tv. It's not nice but I breath in for 5 counts, hold it for 3 and exhale for 6 to 7 for a few minutes. This anxiety and panic is all new to me and I was in hospital with it for 5 weeks. Stop pushing those that care about you away. Try calling them perhaps. No one can understand how we feel..we want them to. I am a Christian and often say I am not alone, I am here with you as I visualise God. Take some small steps to do something that you don't want to. I say to myself...I can handle this. You're still so young...do something now..Don't waste your life shut in and away. I was an alcoholic and then the only friends I had were drinkers or they had other friends. All I ever wanted was a best friend and someone to love me. My mum never had any friends but she never complained and never had medication etc. . I've gone on a bit but I pray you will take a small positive step forward. Put your worries at night down on a piece of paper then block them out. I also like meditation. God bless.

Shutterbug65 profile image
Shutterbug65 in reply to basten

Thank you. I read your message a few times because I don’t want to miss anything. I’m on Xanax XR for my anxiety and Celexa and Mirtazapine for depression and insomnia.

I just want to give up, I need someone to guide me because I’m very resistant to change even though it will improve my life. Loneliness and not having friends is a horrible feeling, I’m afraid to call anyone because I think they do t want to hear my problems. Like you said 'people don’t want to hear it' and it’s so true. I don’t know; I’m tired of life, I miss my Dad who passed away 4 years ago and my girlfriend of 8 years who passed in 2010, almost a decade ago. I was happy then and enjoyed life. Many times I think it would be best if I went in a hospital, but who would take care of my cat? I wake up every morning so unbelievably anxious it’s hard to describe just a feeling of dread and worry, and not being able to cope alone. Does this make any sense?

Thank you for the tip about the book. I’ll look into it.

basten profile image
basten in reply to Shutterbug65

Hello they've told me the answer doesn't always get fixed by taking pills. I keep saying but I feel better on them etc so why do i get the anxiety. I empathise with you 're waking up all anxious and that feeling of not wanting to wake up. I get butterflies in gut. I used to eat my breakfast at 5 and go straight back to bed and try to dive under the covers to try and sleep again but it doesn't always work. You see I have a dog who wants walking and 2 cats who want feeding. Have you tried counselling (that's if you can afford it) it helps. Or as I said ring the Samaratins who listen. No one is going to be able to help you if you don't help yourself by not forgetting them but letting go of your past. It's happened. They've gone and we miss them terribly and cry as they nurtured and understood us. They knew us. I miss those I loved something awful..happy times. But as my psychologist said "you'll stay stuck" if you keep going down the same path. Maybe the meds you're on don't suit you I can't say but you should speak to your doctor or psychiatrist. Yes yes it all makes sense to me. I said I'm just a negative moany person who tells people how rotten I'm feeling and couldn't understand why people didn't call. They don't want it. They will probable feel for you a bit but that's it. You could try calling someone close and say you miss them and try to say something that isn't about you. Yes I know how you feel. If someone didn't listen or sounded happy and not really (I thought) bothered about me I end up by saying when they've gone..."you don't care really..Or.. sod you I'm not telling you anything anymore..Or.. It's ok for you you've got your girlfriend etc. Down down down. So you shut yourself away and get even worse and then wonder what life's about and say I don't want to be here anymore etc. I've sobbed buckets. I took over doses cos I'd was in pain and went days without sleep. Nobody or nothing seemed to matter anymore. You are a caring person as you have your lovely cat...I have 2 and the dog. If you went into hospital to get help someone could feed your lovely cat I'm sure. Don't be proud try to find the professionals who can help and guide you. We always miss and love those we have lost but they would hate to see you withdrawing as you have and pushing everyone away I'm sure. You're young. You have life. Try letting go and find a new pathway. It can be done. I know meds have helped my mood but I've gotta try to get back out there and mix and by God it's hard...feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. My favourite saying was is I can't be bothered. I was in that black dark hole and then at 70 I got panic attacks etc. Never had them before. I try not to dwell but believe me I'm struggling today. I just can't wait till bedtime when my pills knock me out for a few hours...I can't sleep in the day I never feel tired but I like sleep as it blocks everything out...for a while. Somehow by being in hospital for 5 weeks....and it wasn't nice or easy...has made me try to help myself..

But I'm still alone. I have to focus on things or I'll just sit here thinking and thinking. I know I've gotta get out there again and I'm scared I'll get a panic attack if I go to my lunch club but it won't kill me...I'd have to tell them or find a loo. It's safe in here in my house. Safe in my bed. So you see you're not alone as I know it sucks mental health problems. You don't say if you work. I've had to learn to walk my dog again and my legs were like jelly and I was anxious but I did it and someone told me I did well...small steps. I try to avoid caffeine and don't drink. I'm 70 and old and I see all ladies my age and over or couples who seem to be sailing along. I wish I were like them, but the psychiatrist said that's called "compare and despaire". I do pray to God as I'm sure someone is listening. I understand. You make sense. It's a horrible illness I know. Don't stay stuck. Get the book read it and read again. Digest a bit. It should make sense. God bless and prayers for you.

basten profile image
basten in reply to Shutterbug65

Believe me....I'm struggling too. I'm eating crap food binging don't want to see anyone but can't avoid always when I take dog out. I can't drive at present. I've sores in my mouth from too much sugar and nicorrette gum, can't have proper bowel motions due to the drugs, my knees feel distorted and legs since this concoction of meds, I get repetitive words or phrases in my head , I'm worried about all sorts but it won't add any extra time to my what's left life just the burden of a big weight I drag round with me AND I hate not being able to sleep that well, I've a facefull of wrinkles and hate looking at myself, I moan to the kids and in the end they've had to tell me stop it we've had enough mum. We've had years of this. We love you but we can't do anymore for you. Oh boy that really hurts. My daughter once said " you're asking for a miracle mum but you won't help yourself". It's horrible and frightening but what's the alternative. They're be devastated if I tried to OD again. I wish you could get a cat sitter and go into hospital I'm sure it would help but like me you've still gotta come out again. There's one person who I can't get rid of...me!!

basten profile image
basten in reply to basten

You CAN do it 🙏🙏🙏!!!

basten profile image
basten in reply to Shutterbug65

The concotion of drugs im on has made all my knees feel horrible and mitaxipine made me CRAVE carbs and sweets but I'm scared to reduce them as I'll get bad withdrawals and depressed again and be wide awake. I see my psychiatrist in two weeks time. I wish I'd never seen a drug in my life and I can empathise with what prescription drugs did to Elvis, Michael Jackson and Judy Garland. I wish I was young like you again alas my body has been ruined by them being prescribed for me when I didn't know then sleepers and benzos are addictive...So they've kept me on them. I have real trouble liking myself. I feel a complete mess. So you see you are not alone. X

Zollybosher profile image
Zollybosher in reply to Shutterbug65

This is not what you want to hear, but having “similar “ issues and being in the same place as you it’s not to late to turn your life around

“Yes” it will be going against everything you feel the need to do but as in life you always have a choice, even if the choice you chose is the most difficult.

Try to socialise more get involved in charity or volunteer for a cause that is close to you, fight the demons inside. The choice is yours stay as you are with a life time of regrets or strive to make a new life

I apologise if this comes across as condescending or patronising. My intentions are only to try and advise you that your life is not a closed book. You write the chapters. As for regrets, why linger on things in the past you cannot change it only learn from it

I wish you well

DreamerAdam profile image
DreamerAdam

I also get up up in middle of night with anxiety and fear. It’s a terrible feeling.

Shutterbug65 profile image
Shutterbug65 in reply to DreamerAdam

I wake up every night like that. It is horrible. It seems all I do is worry about everything and I don’t have anyone to talk to.

in reply to Shutterbug65

What do you do during the day to keep busy?

Shutterbug65 profile image
Shutterbug65 in reply to

I work during the week. And besides the people at work I don’t spend time with anyone. I used to enjoy the weekends, now it just makes me aware of how lonely I am.

in reply to Shutterbug65

Could you go volunteer? I met wonderful friends through my church.

Puzzled57 profile image
Puzzled57

Have you talked to your psychiatrist about reducing your meds? They may not be helping you they once did. Only you know what the effects are on your psyche and what you can handle.

Shutterbug65 profile image
Shutterbug65 in reply to Puzzled57

Thanks. I see my Dr. later this week. So I’ll bring it up.

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