I’m trying not to read into it but I’m having a hard time

[DemureRose]

So I’m friends with this guy. Been friends with him for like 3 months now. And it’s been great. Honestly really great. Best friendship I’ve had in years.

But the problem is, he’s kinda finicky with replying to messages. And he told me he was from the start, so logically I know I shouldn’t take it personally. However anyone with anxiety knows that logic goes out the door when anxiety takes over.

We have an almost 40 day streak on Snapchat so obviously communication is there but some days it feels very one sided. Like we’ll have a good convo for 5 minutes then that’s it for the day. And I’m always the one left on delivered or opened.

For a while, I was left in opened a lot. And what always seemed to happen is I would coincidentally get on Snapchat as soon as he opened it and see “Opened Just Now” then be waiting for a response but never get one.

So I decided to take the humor approach and send him a funny meme of like “when my friend leaves me on opened,” to kinda broach the subject. He laughed about it and I thought well at least I know he doesn’t get upset with me mentioning it. But then he kept doing it and I couldn’t very well send a meme every time.

And I even managed to ask in a conversation like “so are you on your phone a lot?” just to see and he was all “oh yeah way too much.” To which I said “huh. So you’re just ignoring me then. I see.” Trying to keep it light and funny you know. He just said “no no no of course not.”

Now that’s twice I’ve brought it up and it still keeps happening. And I know logically that he’s busy and he has his own friends and I definitely don’t want to be that person that gets mad when people don’t reply. But like...my anxiety is unbearable about it. All that goes through my head is “he doesn’t think I’m interesting.” Over and over again.

The problem is, right now I see him twice a week in person for a class. But summer is literally two weeks away and I’m honestly terrified that I will lose contact with him.

I’ve dreamt of having a guy friend for years just because I’ve always gotten along better with them, but with a girl I could bring this stuff up and it not seem weird. With a guy, it’s different.

How do I bring up “touchy feely” stuff without it being “touchy feely?” And how do I bring it up without me seeming high maintenance?

Or even better, how do I manage the anxiety that’s coming along with this whole thing?

[Damian]

I know someone who does that too... It's frustrating and I don't know what you can do about it. Like you I've tried to bring it up and there doesn't seem to be any special reason why she does it, she's just busy or doesn't get round to it or something. I wish I could help you because then I could help myself too! 😊

As regards the summer, though, perhaps you could suggest meeting up in person? Think of somewhere you'd like to go (even if it's just to get coffee or something) and invite him.

[EleanorRose]

I think lots of people are like this, unfortunately and, if I'm honest, I don't always immediately reply to things I've opened if I am busy. You have to think about why all those sorts of memes exist - because lots of people are bad at responding.

What I'm picking up on, correct me if I'm wrong, is that perhaps you view this as your closest friendship and would perhaps like it to be more than that? Whereas he might just see you as another one of his friends and doesn't realise how important his messages are to you? I fully suspect he has other friends he leaves on 'opened'. Do you have other friends you talk to? Maybe you don't need to message him everyday? A good friendship can, and will, survive without daily contact. I've definitely been guilty of the sitting around waiting for a reply thing in the past and it's never helped, really, just added to my anxiety.

He clearly likes you as a friend otherwise he wouldn't be talking to you but I suspect he doesn't realise how much you like him or how important he is to you. I think you need to remind yourself that sometimes he'll be busy, or with other friends, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like you, just means he can't always reply straight away and maybe, sometimes, just doesn't have much to say if conversations are daily, hence why conversations may only last 5 minutes.

It sounds like you're trying very hard to make this friendship work whereas perhaps you could let it be more natural - he does think you're interesting/fun, you don't need to try to be. I also suspect that if you message him slightly less, he might start to message you more.

[Isinatra in reply to EleanorRose]

Spot on Eleanor. My mom always told me...Absence makes the heart grow fonder.❤️🏄‍♀️