My life has completely fallen apart and I am too old and tired to keep on fighting. I lost the only person who ever loved me, my other Estelle, in 2018 and whatever joy and hope that I had died with her. I have been struggling to survive for the 2+ years since her death but life has become too much for me and I can't go on this way. I've been seeing a good and caring grief therapist for most of the time since Mom's passing, I've been going to Zoom bereavement groups and I've even had friends who've reached out to me, but none of it takes the pain or hopelessness away, and most of the time I'm in tears just wanting the pain and emptiness to go away.
I'm a Senior but never felt or focused on my - or anyone else's age - until now...but now it is just one more thing that makes me feel empty, useless, and hopeless. I have no money and no hope. I had a sad and abusive childhood and have struggled with depression for most of my life, but my Mother was always there to love, inspire, encourage and give me emotional support.
She is gone and I am in the depths of a hell I can not climb out of.