Very depressed and anxious

[Matt_S]

I am going through rough times with my wife again I’m in therapy, working on CBT, on meds for depression and anxiety, she says I don’t love her, she has the same depression and anxiety that I do and she has ADHD which I’m trying to understand the more I read about it, and I am co dependent twirls her, this is our second falling out since Jan, we live in separate places and she won’t answer my calls or text messages this is really putting my head in a bad place. Thank you for listening.

[FriendlyDude]

You said she’s going through depression too, so I would think that feeling loved can be a hard thing for her. I don’t know anything about your relationship, but actions generally speak louder than words. Don’t just say you love her, show that love by action. It sounds to me like you’re really trying to get better and be more understanding for your wife, and that’s great! Keep trying

If she doesn’t believe you love her, convince her make it hard for her to doubt. There are plenty of things you could do, it doesn’t even need to be complex. Say you love her (and think about how you say it, aka, paraverbal communication), smile whenever you see her, talk in a sincere and gentle tone, hug her if that’s a thing you two do, hold hands, simply be there for her, the list goes on and on.

Sometimes we think that complex things are the best way to show our love, but the simple things can also be used to show love and are often overlooked. Like hugs for example, it’s so simple yet so powerful and amazing! There’s something truly unique about hugs. I’m not putting down complex things, those are also good ways to show your love, I’m just adding emphasis to the everyday simple things. If you can’t show your love in the small things, how can you expect to be convincing when you try to deliver love in the big things? And from what you’re saying, how you live in separate locations and things are rough between you two, it’s probably better anyway to start small and work your way up. I don’t know, maybe you could leave flowers at her door with a note from you. You could do anything with that: say you love her, ask to have dinner together, ask to talk; whatever you feel is right

Again, I don’t know you or your wife, what you do or don’t do, or anything else about your relationship. I’m just sharing what comes to mind. I hope this helps, I wish you the best

[Matt_S in reply to FriendlyDude]

Thank you reading my post that is all good advice and I will use it, she just won’t answer me, she asked me to leave in Jan then I sent her flowers on Valentine’s Day when my brother in law called me and said she would like to re connect with me so I took her out to diner and dropped her back home we have been together on weekends until this past Sunday, we have our grandson living with us for the past 8 years and I miss him just as much I tried again to text her today saying I love her and I’m trying hard with a therapist for the past year she helps with my anxiety and depression issues, this is just like last time she had a therapist for a long time but has gone without one since last fall. I’m in and out of anxiety and sadness, thanks for the talk I really appreciate it.

[FriendlyDude]

You’re welcome I’m glad to help. It sounds like you’re doing good things and really trying, I can tell that you truly care that will show. Good luck with everything! Just do your best and follow your heart

[Matt_S in reply to FriendlyDude]

Thanks again

[Matt_S]

Thank you for that I usually sit in the sun for a little while and fresh air that usually helps me a lot with meditation music the panic will pass and it will get better don’t look behind and don’t look into the future, the panic is all in the mind tricking you into thinking bad things will happen, the mind is a powerful thing. I put a name on my panic and I tell it not today Horace I’m all set it really works, I hope you feel better and it will get better, nothing bad is going to happen to you, you are here every day, and fighting for inner peace that says a lot about you, you are stronger than you think.

[Msmasala]

You will be fine soon! Amen!

[Matt_S in reply to Msmasala]

Thank you

[pam4him]

So sorry for the difficult situation. It's likely a response coming from her depression, not necessarily a direct attack on you. It may rather be self-talk of not feeling like she loves herself portrayed onto you. Perhaps give her some time and hopefully she will come back around. You are both dealing with deep issues that need processing. We don't all heal the same way, even physically. We work through things differently. Try to be patient with her, and yourself. Prayers for peace, strength, growth and reconciliation.

[uniquediamond]

Depression and anxiety can definitely put a wall up when it comes to relationships, then you sprinkle a little “overthinking” on top of that can make your head go a million miles an hour! Sometimes a separation is beneficial for a couple that battles the same things, maybe use this time to focus on self love and healing and once you feel a little better reach out to them.

Having stable support is definitely something we all need! Good luck to you! ❤️

[Matt_S in reply to uniquediamond]

Thank you for that