Again anxious and depressed

[Matt_S]

Anxious and depressed over separation from wife everyday I have the same feelings she wants to work on ourselves in different homes with no contact she said we have to do this in order to come together again, been with her for a long time I love her and miss her a great deal, and it’s very lonely out here. Thank you for listening.

[Starrlight]

Oh wow I am imagining how hard this would be. There must be so many things going through your mind. I say try to take this time to treat yourself well. Don’t beat yourself up. Try believing that everything that is meant to be will work out how it is supposed to.

[Matt_S in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you for the kind words, and it is hard emotionally, my therapist says the same, I’m always looking at the bad that is going to come out of this, wife has anxiety and depression also along with ADHD, and I am co dependent and she sees that as controlling which it is and it brings anger out in me sometimes about her ADHD which I now have an understanding of what she goes through on a day to day basis. I would just like to know how she is doing, and if she is ok, I hope that it works out, I’m in therapy and learning CBT along with zoom anxiety depression meetings. Just a little lost here.

[Starrlight in reply to Matt_S]

That must be so difficult not to know how she is doing. Good job for working on yourself. I can understand how you feel lost but it won’t always feel this way just stay in the present moment and hold onto hope.

[Matt_S in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you also for the kind words, and the boost in the right direction.

[Starrlight in reply to Matt_S]

You can talk to me any time... pm me when you need to talk to a friend...

[Matt_S in reply to Matt_S]

You are right about the present moment and hold onto hope I forget to do that a lot now I have it in a message that I can reflect on a daily basis.

[Hidden]

I know u miss her and all but do you know the positive side to this? U will be starting afresh like going on a date for the first time. Sure this is hard for now but the new ways you will be treatng each other is exciting because I know both of you are missing each other. You know what they say about absence making the heart go fonder

[Matt_S in reply to Hidden]

That is awesome, your words have instantly lifted my spirits I never thought about it that way, and that really hit home for me, I will save your reply for a daily reflection, your words have helped me immensely, and I thank you very much for that.

[Hidden in reply to Matt_S]

No sweat mate, that is why we are here, for a third perspective.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Good point!

[Sunnidayz1]

Hi! I understand how you feel. Im divorced and I went through mixed feelings for a very long time. I asked for the divorce. You've been together for so long. When u seperate it's like feeling a huge part of your body is dettached. That other person was your stability and you took that feeling of security and stability into the world everyday and now your half is not there anymore. How you feel is so normal. It hurts. I know.What has helped me is to look at what I really want for my own happiness as ahuman being, as a person. I no longer wanted to feel bad about it. It's a choice to choose. I wanted to be solo.

So I ask what do you want?

Do you want to be with her? If you do all you can do is work on your emotions and to take care better care of yourself bc the truth is you have no control over her thoughts and what she wants and that is frustrating and overwhelming. We cant change someone.

Focus on what you CAN control. You can control how you think about the situation. You can control how you deal. You can control your emotional and physical health. Put the work into YOU and what you can control. If you do, whether you are with her or not you will be stronger for it- stronger as a single man or stronger as her partner. Whatever you choose. It's your choice. In the end you will be happier and stronger than ever. It's work but isnt anything worth it work? Isn't your own happiness and mental well being worth it?

Yes it is.

Sunni❤

[Matt_S in reply to Sunnidayz1]

Very powerful, thank you for that it makes so much sense, it is worth putting the work in to be back home with the family land all being happy again, the security and stability part really hit home, I will keep your words of wisdom in my “toolbox” on my I phone it means a lot to me how I can put my problems out there and other people with compassion and heart take the time out of their day to get me back on the right track of taking care of my mind and heart, and I thank you also for that.

[Sunnidayz1 in reply to Matt_S]

You are welcome! Im happy to help. Hang in there. Again, focus on you!

[Matt_S]

Hi, she has our 15 year old grandson that lives with us and our golden retriever, our dog is excellent support for her and she has a therapist, and some other agency’s for our grandson to work with as a family, I use to do it with them but I’m currently not there.we tried to come together before but I was only out of the house for two days not enough time to work on ourselves.

[lillyofthevalley37]

Sorry to hear about the arrangement your wife made for you both I suppose she must have her reasons did you unintentionally take your anger out on her or are you irritable without realising it ? You need to have a think or even write her a letter asking her to outline any problem she has with you Could you get a rescue dog or cat or both for company ?

Are you in the home you shared or have you moved out ?

[Matt_S in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

Hi I have moved out temporarily I’m hoping and I’m irritable without realizing, that’s all wrapped into my anxiety depression and anger which I have been addressing now for the past 2 months I have asked her before I left and she said my anger and not caring has put a wedge between us along with our 15 year old grandson who we have been raising for over 7 years now. I can’t have pets where I am now, but I have a therapist, peer to peer zoom support groups and I do some journaling which helps a bit, thank you for giving me insight I appreciate that.

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to Matt_S]

Ask your therapist "do I come across as angry? - be honest "

Are you on any medication?

You don't come across as an angry person on here

[Matt_S in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

I’m on sertraline and mirtazapine my therapist know about my anger I don’t come across angry but I do direct my anger at my loved ones, she says it goes back to my childhood with certain trama, and co dependence which I came to understand

[Matt_S in reply to Matt_S]

Thank you

[Matt_S]

Just mortgage on 1 home and a little rent where I am now.

[Matt_S]

Almost a month away now

[Mindtree]

Hope you both talk to each other and sort out the differences. I'm not married yet but i can imagine how lonely and pathetic it could be when we loose someone we love so much...Take care.. 🙂

[Matt_S in reply to Mindtree]

Thank you, and marriage really can be great. Thanks again

[Matt_S]

That makes sense

[Matt_S]

I wish it were that easy it’s not I think we do need time and I got to get ahold of my emotions and co dependency

[OK_So_Here_I_Am_Now]

Sharing multiple similarities on this end so my sympathies and best wishes. Just a brief note with the hope of sending a bit of encouragement at this time. You probably do it already but for me, even taking the dog out for a day of exercise outdoors and companionship would really drop down the level of stress and isolation. I like little bits of simple Peace in the moment and when I stitch enough of those together, whoooooooo, a small upward trend, a bit more clear headed and better approach.

Peace.

[Matt_S in reply to OK_So_Here_I_Am_Now]

Thank you and if I had my golden retriever I would be walking him that did work,my wife has him but she needs him more, exercise I’m getting now in the mall and thank you very much for the best wishes. Tryin to keep my chin up feeling a little better now.

[Matt_S]

That’s too bad hope you feel better but you need to take care of yourself, thank you for thinking of me I hope you feel better stay warm.