I have lost all my family, have almost no friends due to being let down. I have a partner but i never cry in front of him or show my feelings as he never comforts me or meets my needs, but have seen him do this to his middle aged children which hurts, He says he loves me but i feel so lonely. I am 57 and am having an operation on monday , its for 40 minutes but am terrified. I have no children but have a little dog charly who means everything to me ,i dont want to die and leave him as he needs me , i am all he has. I just feel so awful. i used to be optimistic, bright, funny, its all gone, just feel so helpless. please help me .
Andree
Written by
poppypetalcharly
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The first thing you need to do is change your way of thinking to a more positive approach
to your upcoming surgery. The positive things to think about is the fact that what is necessary is being taken care of in that surgery. Use the time you are under as a "me time"
in resting and relaxing from the many problems we all have. Know that charly will be there waiting for you at home. Tell yourself and believe it, that you are not going to die just yet.
You have many more things to accomplish in life. This is just one of those glitches in the road
that you can surpass.
I'm glad you are here with us. Wishing you well on Monday. I'll be here waiting to hear how
you did. You've got this, you're going to be okay. Believe in that xx
It is good that the operation is soon, as that gives you less time to worry. If you never tell your partner your fears, he has no way of knowing that you are afraid and therefore cannot, by definition, comfort you.
Thank you for your support, i do tell my partner my fears, but hes not outwardly emotional, never holds my hand and never comforts me when i cry ,so now i dont cry anymore
I'm sorry, poppy. I really felt what you wrote. Please let us know how the operation goes after you're feeling better. I'll be thinking of you. Hugs to you and Charly.
I'm in a similar situation. No family, distant friends, and a significant other who is emotionally unavailable. I'd like to know how you're doing and what responses you get you find helpful.
I am praying for you. I understand your pain. I had a beautiful wife, a wonderful career and a beautiful daughter when I was in my late 20's. My wife got lymphoma and died almost a year and 3 months after being diagnosed. I had deep grief and because I am presipositioned to depression it scared away some comforting friends. Then my focus, my God given gift which I used to touch peoples hearts and souls that I worked with around the world evaporated. Then my in laws challenged me for my daughter and my panic disorder along with my anger at my in laws who were once my family people I loved I went to war with them over my daughter. My focus left me, my memory left me. As the battle went on I saw my daughter achieving great things under my in laws care and I realized that my mental condition could not support her as well as my in lawsnso I gave up the fight. I went to work for the government and I couldn't sleep. My anxiety was at a all time high. I started to get paranoid because of the lack of sleep. The paranoia was that people were following me. Then after another week of no sleep I started having delusions the people had been in my house. It got impossible and I passed out at work and the emts came and put me on a stretcher and I was taken to the ambulance with armed guards with their guns out. I was paraded before generals, colonels, officers and enlisted personnel of all kinds. It was very embarrassing. I only had one friend that helped me during that period. I couldn't work anymore. My brother took me from my foreclosed home back to my shitty home town. I gotnon disability after working for 3 companies and getting fired from each. But right now, and I have had surgeries I broke my left arm and my foot and I can understand what you are going through cause I have no friends and I know how black it is when they put you under. I'm 48. I know your 57 and you might be thinking that you will die soon and have no help. But look at me now, I am with my brother on a trip to San Francisco. I am getting into the Bible after hating God. I have gone to confession several times and when I take communion I feel strengthened. I am not saying that you should turn to God. But I believe that all the pain and agony, the loneliness and struggles with my sanity are all trials. Most of the trials I have failed. But God says in our lives on earth there will be great suffering but if you obey him then you will transcend not into the grave but to a place of rest. A place where you won't be alone. A place with perfect justice. A place where everyone is kind and love is all around you all the time. I am not a holy roller and all of what the Bible says may be b.s. but just try to say a prayer to God for him to come in your life. Then after a month your heart might change and you may say another prayer and you might repeat this over and over. If you do blessings will come to you. You are not to old. Even though I don't know you I love you because of your pain and struggle. May you be blessed.
HI, so sorry for your pain. The procedure will go well, you will come out on the other side of this and be healed and restored. I will be praying for you. As far as your partner is concerned, you should be able to rely on him for emotional support. If you feel this is missing, you need to share that with him. Communication is key in a relationship and two people should feel "safe" sharing their hearts....it is the only way to establish emotional intimacy. If you feel you cannot do this, you might want to consider seeing a counselor for help. You need a place to vent, you need a place to share your heart.....and if you can work through some of this with the counselor, you may decide that couples counseling is needed. Emotional voids in a relationship leave us empty.....so you need to take steps to fill yourself up. Counseling will also help you heal from the loss of family and friends.....and put you on a better path....maybe where you even make new friends, friends who can become as close as family. Believe in yourself. Don't look back....you can't change that....but you can change your future path. Please let us know how the surgery goes. It will be ok!
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xx
Lonely and depressed 
Lonely
Lonely 
Lonely
Lonely
