Looking for opinions

[Mone147]

So I haven't posted anything in a long time because I was actually doing much better my meds were working and I really felt like making progress and improving day by day. I started a new apprenticeship back in September and I've been unhappy from the start but I didn't wanna give up and the issues I had were not impossible to handle so I went on. But since a couple of weeks they stopped teaching me anything and there is no work for me at all. I've addressed the problem, talked to my boss and I talked to everyone who is kind of responsible for me. My boss didn't care and nothing has changed. On top of that the whole company is a really weird and uncomfortable place. It is very hard to describe but I feel so terribly unhappy and horrible at this place. They don't appreciate you they just really don't give a f**k about any of their employees at all and that's not a nice feeling. I haven't managed to make anyone around me understand what I mean but long story short I feel shitty working their and I worry a lot about failing later as they don't teach me anything. And I've tried you know. I've really tried. And I worked hard for the past months but in the end it got too much I was actually just sitting there all day staring at my screen doing nothing and I was so worried my anxiety and depression would get worse again so I took a few days off now and then to get my shit together at home. In a total of three weeks I took 3 or 4 days off and I felt horrible about it but it was the best for me at that time. Now my boss got really mad. Sent me a letter forcing different working times on me and so on. And I got really upset about it. I told my partner and he thinks my boss is right and I deserve it as staying home without being really sick is totally wrong and if it was him he would have kicked me out already. Then my boss also called my father in law complaining about me. And he also said he would have fired me already. And a close friend of mine said to my face she agrees with my behavior as I've tried everything and they don't care and today I figured out she talked shit about me behind my back. I feel so betrayed and left alone by everyone. I'm such a sincere and good person this is the first time in my life I didn't go to work without being really sick and I feel bad about it I don't think it is right. But everyone is judging me now based on the past 3 weeks and no one is interested in my side of the story. It makes me feel so lonely and misunderstood. I hope anyone can understand anything of what I'm saying I'm just confused and lost right now. I might have found a new working place and I hope to start there soon and km gonna kick ass and show them all how smart and good I am. Thanks for listening.

[Hidden]

Ooooh, join the club. I feel your pain. I have worked in places like that and it sucked at the time but I got a few good stories out of it. I don’t agree with your partner. I think you are miserable and even if you aren’t running a fever, you can be proud of setting a physical boundary between you and painful people. If you aren’t there, they can’t hurt you. Not a permanent solution but certainly a very effective one. Haha! There are other boundaries here too: I see boundary violations in your story left and right. People are violating your boundaries when they talk about you behind your back. Your partner is violating your boundaries when he makes you feel so unsupported. I can see you respect other people, but they aren’t respecting you. They aren’t treating you with care. You don’t feel “felt.” I’m so glad you wrote: we get you here. You deserve to feel support, and I hope you find the strength to figure out what you want and then go for it!

[Mone147 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks so much for your reply. It is so nice when you feel heard and understood. I love my partner very much but he isn't very sensible and he can't really see things from a different point of view. I just can't handle being misunderstood by people who are close to me. I kind of confronted my friend and she's not replying what makes me even more hurt. It's like having two personalities sometimes. There is the "F**k them all you know you're strong and you can do it on your own you don't need anybody" and the "you are worthless and horrible and they are all right about you. Just disappear everyone's better off without you". And fighting against that destructive part inside of me every single day is such so exhausting. And nobody who hasn't been there can understand what I'm going through. Depression and anxiety unfortunately can't really be seen from the outside like a flu.

[Starrlight]

You’re awesome. Best to you!!!!!

[Mone147 in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you so much.

[Gentlespirit]

I am disappointed that your partner seems to not realize where your coming from because support and validation is important. Maybe he is going through a lot right now too but doesn't want to share because your having a rough time and he may be frustrated with the situation and not being as patient or understanding .

[Gentlespirit]

Its hard when someone close doesn't understand or doesn't know what to do. I don't know what to do myself sometimes and definitely have fallen short in some areas. Seriously just do what you can and if things change and you get the new position great if not you tried.