What does it mean to be erased? For all of us it means many different things.
We can watch a movie where the bad guy is "taken out" therefore, erased.
We can have a negative credit report "erased"
Shit, we can even (at times) have our criminal history erased.
We can suffer a severe head injury which may result in our memory being erased.
But, in my opinion, the worst method of being erased is being forgotten by those who you once though of as being family and friends. These are my thought of the day
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hi Obsolete, Erased = gone forever, as if never existed. I believe in the case of family and friends, it’s not so much that we are “erased” but rather pushed aside, repressed, ignored, forgotten, etc but not completely erased. Just don’t think that’s possible. But I agree with you, it’s a terrible feeling when loved ones make you feel forgotten. Sometimes it’s more about what’s going on with them vs you.
In the case of my older brother and his wife I feel very much erased. My SIL is toxic- ( too many stories to tell, involving my parents as well as me) and has managed to alienate our younger brother too, as well as members of her own family. I haven't been in contact with them since mum's funeral in 2011 , when they completely cut off contact, although I've tried every way of getting in touch. She never even let me know when he had a heart attack, and when my aunt ask her if she should tell me she was told to 'do as you please'.We've spent ages wondering what we could have possibly done wrong , but can't think of anything. It makes me sad , because I got on well with my brother. He was my hero when I was growing up.
I’m really sorry about the lack of contact with your siblings. I have a sister who lives 3,000 miles away and we’ve only spoken a couple of times in over 10 years, and that was out of necessity about our mother. Not exactly sure why we don’t speak. She’s 3 yrs older and got on well as kids but also we’re very competitive against each other. We are very different creatures but share a common stubbornness that may be our problem. We lead completely different types of lives, have different beliefs, values, etc. It’s hard to believe we are blood related but look identical. I wasn’t even invited to her son’s wedding, my nephew, this last Oct. My mom said she didn’t invite me because she knew I wouldn’t show up or that I would say that I didn’t feel well enough to travel since I have Crohn’s Disease. But, she could have asked. Maybe I would have surprised her. Probably not though so maybe she’s right. Too much time has passed and we’ve gone our separate ways and basically forgotten each other. This causes a lot of grief for our elderly parents who get along with both of us. Neither of us is willing to “surrender” to the other. Someday we may regret this but at present, it is what it is. Family dynamics and drama are complex but also such a shame. I completely understand living with this type of thing.👍🙏
As you say, you might not have been able to go- but it would have been nice to be asked, and who knows, you might have been able to surprise them. When Dad died, Mum was still alive, and I was able to get involved with the funeral arrangements with Mum, and take part in the service. They didn't even tell me when Mum's funeral was.My younger brother had to tell me.I asked about helping with the arrangements and was told it was already being done. I was devastated to see that the service was identical to Dad's, even the hymns and readings.There was nothing personal to Mum at all ! I just kept quiet and said nothing , and never have. And the ' best' bit- outside the church they asked me to say a few words about her!When I said I wasn't sure, I was told ' well why not, you're a teacher, aren't you ' !!! My aunt persuaded me to speak a little, for Mum. It still upsets me- not for me personally, if they want to be like that with me, fine. But it's an insult to Mum.
It’s very odd that we can grow up with siblings, know each other inside and out, sometimes better than we know ourselves. Then, one day, somehow, walls get built up around us to the point we don’t even recognize these loved ones anymore.
I’m so glad you did speak at your mom’s funeral. You’re better for it and hopefully will always find comfort in knowing you did that. I’m sure it mattered to your Mom! Maybe your family asked you to speak because they felt incapable. Teachers are great communicators but that’s no excuse for others not to “try.” Family/life/death, all have such imperfect aspects. 🙏
Thank you I'm glad I did too. I couldn't let her down. And yes teachers are great communicators. We still have to get up in front of a class, and be professional even if we're not feeling great, so I get where they were coming from. I just wish I'd been given time to prepare something rather than 5 minutes notice, just as we were about to go into church.I could hsve really paid tribute to her. There was so much that I could have said.Oh well, all done now I guess🤗
Agree, everyone gets busy with their own lives. Just posted about my sis on this feed. It’s a sad state of affairs, esp for our elderly parents.
I thnk you may be right about the jealousy and spite. We've had a few situations with SIL over the years. It's all water under the bridge as the saying goes, and I've now decided that if they want to get in touch they will. If not, then so be it. Glad Baby is great. Dylan is a bit stressed as there's a lot of noise coming from the work on the railway next to our house.
That was my first thought. I think people are figuring out how ineffective it is. You have to give people space to learn and grow. MLK said in Selma that the people against them are not evil. they just need to see how their ways don't work. Paraphrase.
just learning that the pattern of thinking in those terms is obviously because you/we have the same conditions and maybe we are not forgotton by all and we have to get back our mental health and then go and join them as maybe I was thinking for me it was me who left them too as far as self isolation and wanting my space as I couldnt do socil things as I was too unwell in many ways. Just a thought as I felt if I reversed it and had one less negative thought about people/family leaving my life as I was partly to blame and also its difficult for others to know what to do as most struggle even those that appear they are doing ok. Just a thought but all the best to you. Regards Greg
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