Feeling worthless

[RissaP]

It really hurts when the one person you want around doesnt want you there . What am I doing wrong ????

Everyday I hate myself more and he seems to be doing the same .

All I want is to take care of OUR son but he makes me feel like what im doing isnt good enough .

Im in pain physically and mentally since finding out I was pregnant till now my head is seriously messed up and the fact that every day I have to get up and hide my feelings fake a smile its getting extremely hard now . How is it that me crying is childish ?????? How?? When im hurt its hard to hold back how I feel .

It would be very helpful if he would just talk to me and realize that his words hurt . I am human I have feelings !!!

But when he says shit like "I cant wait until its just me and my son"

Or im the one thing he regrets in life its makes me not want to be here because its very clear im a burden to everyone I could just kill myself and get myself out the way but i cant because I have a child but these thoughts cross my mind every day and I know its not healthy .

Being diagnosed with dilated cardiomyopathy right after giving birth was so damn scary im trying to hold it together for my father but its becoming very hard . I was fine for a few weeks but the pain is starting to come back im more breathless my heart hurts and now that I have to be up during the day and then at night as well now its taking a toll on my body and he doesnt care. If only he knew how bad that hurts. I'm really scared im just going to have a heart attack soon and that will be it for me I'll either die or need assistance and can't take care of my baby .

At this point I could write a book about how I feel. All I want is for him to listen and care I sit here all day waiting for him to come in from work little does he know im excited to see him , but he comes in kisses our son and walks out like im not there but then hes all over me at night for sex its comes across as him just coming to release whatever he has backed up and then he just turns over and goes to sleep, I feel so worthless after hes done and he doesnt care .

[Windsorgardener5087]

Hi, My goodness what an unhappy and unloving place to be. Sending you warm 🧡 hugs to keep you going. This behavior you describe is domestic emotional abuse. You and your son do not have to take it. Seriously, your mental health will suffer more.

I am suggesting that you speak to your doctor about your situation and ask for some counselling.

If you have access to a domestic violence support organisation you will find some free confidential advice. Some are walk in centres or offer telephone support.

Please know we are here for you and want this to stop.

[RissaP in reply to Windsorgardener5087]

Thank you I am trying to get help

[b1b1b1]

You are being abused and it strikes me as fairly serious abuse. Find out about shelters in your area that will take you and your son. Another option is to go to the house of your parents, sister, etc. with your son. At the same time you should call a lawyer and begin separation/divorce proceedings.