PTSD

[Elohim_still_heals]

This is going to be hard to tell. It happened long time ago and I thought that it was gone. I lost my mother in a car accident at age one, my father was an alcoholic. I was raised by my lovely grandmother and grandfather who lost 3 children in that car accident. Actually 5 people died that afternoon! I was raped in front of 2 persons at age of 16 by my own boyfriend , told nobody because they will say that It was my own fault. To tell a long story short, I accepted the Lord as my personal savior and lived believing different pastors who one of them also tried to rape one of my daughters. At that moment I trusted nobody anymore and became a person who talked directly with God. I was so thankful for a long time. Till I got a meeting with a psychiatrist that told me that I’m suffering from PTSD. The treatment will bring up all those memories back with a big chance that I will even be suicidal! I thought no way, but after my first appointment I dreamed so lively a part of my reality nightmare that I woke up choking and grasping for breath. The next morning I was so depressed and felt so miserable that I really wanted to be death. Is here anybody who suffers on this platform who suffers from PTSD? I’m so afraid to continue with my treatment. Please need some advice!

[lillyofthevalley37]

Hi sorry for everything you have been through, you ended up on the right track though with your relationship with God , chances are your psychiatrist doesn't believe in God most of them seem to be atheist - I could be wrong - I think your relationship with God will see you through I mean why bother bringing up all that stuff - to what end ? You didn't say what you wanted from the treatment ? There is a PSTD community here on HU called Heal my PSTD , I wish you well whatever you decide to do

[Elohim_still_heals in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

Thank you for your advice, I will surely search for PSTD community. It’s true that most of the psychiatrists don’t believe in God, but this one believe in some way, because she told me that praying is one of the best thing to do. But still I have to go through the treatment, because I really tried everything and really need help.

[socratesanne]

It is a healing profession with the right person. The pain is stuck in your body. A good somatic experiencing clinican can help you immensely and still allow you to ask God to help you get through the work and painful lessons. I know, I can relate, more than you know.. The more is it stuck and unresolved the harder your body is affected, especially the bones and brain, among other organs.

Those early memories are preverbal but the others are still in your memory. Just watched a great podcast on dreams by a professor and researcher at Stanford. You might find it helpful to listen to him. His name is Hubberman and the # 5 podcast is helpful pm on dreams. sleep and the chemicals of anxiety and depression that many CPTSD victims have. Then the next one on the nervous system. He is quite knowledgeable about the brain and the nervous system.

I think being forewarned in treatment as best as you can, will help you move forward with more confidence and diminish your fears. We all are walking in fight, flight and freeze state for various harmful pasts that plague our bodies. You certainly have been through so much painful experiences.

I always think if John McCain could have been through what he went through, I can survive as he was one of my role models. I am sure you have known, especially in your own family, those who did survive. We can grow strong through them or they through you.

So sorry you have experienced this early childhood experiences. That is how these are measured. There is a great article called Childhood Disrupted that might help your fears and understanding. It is hard to be fearful when you are aware. Did not say it was easy but will be in the long run as your puzzle is put together. As a matter of fact, just doing puzzles of any kind helps the nervous system to calm down.

Keep your faith and God will provide but you need to help your body get and remain strong as these kinds of past do affect our body and our health.

You are stronger than even you realize. Most people who have been through this kind of past are some of the strongest people I have known. So sorry I am so long winded. this is not easy information to be brief but probably is overwhelming to read. I apologize.

[Elohim_still_heals in reply to socratesanne]

Socratesanne, thank you so much for you’re loving answer. You really understand me. I really thought that God was the only way to be healed, and I’m sure He is our healer. But the trauma inside is so unbearable that I feel that I really needed a professional to make me understand what I was going through. I really hope that this treatment can make the nightmares and sleepiness nights go completely away. I will search for Hubberman’s podcast. Thank you so much🙏🏻

[Theloudone]

What struggles you have been though! Yes ptsd is very real. I recently did EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) for my PTSD. It’s scary opening up Pandora’s box to all the memories. Many in which I blocked out with drug and alcohol use. Now that I am sober, the memories are even more vivid. It’s scary I’m not going to lie- the fear you feel is normal.

I hope that through this process of facing your trauma head on, you can also find ways to soothe your soul. It will be important for you to find ways to bring yourself back to reality. To be present in the here and now will remind you that you are safe.

[Elohim_still_heals in reply to Theloudone]

Thank you for your comprehension and caring response, Theloudone. That is exactly what they said that I have to go through . I thought that it won’t do much harm, but it’s really scary to open the Pandora’s box. How many treatments you had to do before you got real got positive results?

[Theloudone in reply to Elohim_still_heals]

For EMDR specifically I did about 6 sessions. I’ve been to two impatient treatment centers totally three years. After that, continued my therapy for another 9 years and here I am just completed the EMDR a few months back.

It’s always gonna be a battle for me- depression anxiety, traumatic memories. But now I can recognize that my thoughts are not the problem and it’s just my relationship to them that are. I no longer believe I DESERVED to be raped, or physically abused.

All the best to you.

[Elohim_still_heals in reply to Theloudone]

I’m so sorry to hear that you have been in that traumatic situation as well. Wow you had to go through lots of treatments, I was told that I have to do 15 sessions before they can determine if I need more. But it’s true nobody has the right to rape anybody. Most of the time we accuse ourselves and we have to change that misconception!!!

[Melancholy12]

Please go back to therapy / start slowly discuss what you feel like discussing find a therapist who is patient and who will take things slowly. You need to process each traumatic event. It will ebb and flow. I wish you all the best.