Can't sleep, clown will eat me

[BlatherRinseRepeat]

I am new here. I had depression for a while and then I got divorced and suddenly it was gone. Living alone is great until I go to bed and then I am constantly anxious that someone is breaking into my house to do me harm. Even when I can rationally check all the locks, hear no noises, have no reason to think anyone found me here, I cannot shut it off and I have to force myself to think my way out of it. I play music or a podcast not to jump at every tiny noise the house makes, but it's not even working. I take Gabapentin/Neurontin at night which had been helping but now the terror is breaking through. If I am anywhere else in my house at any time of night I don't feel this anxiety - just when I am in bed and trying to sleep. It's awful. If I could, I would sleep all day and stay up all night just to keep the buagboos at bay. I have a therapist but mostly she's just a venting bucket, I don't feel like I have any new tools besides a gratitude journal which would mostly be "I am grateful nobody was actually in my house trying to hurt me last night."

[b1b1b1]

I wonder if getting a dog would help. I used to be afraid when I was alone and in the dark at night. My bulldog knew instinctively what noises were dangerous and which were OK. If she was not alarmed I knew the noise was harmless. She has died, but I no longer have that particular fear.

[BlatherRinseRepeat in reply to b1b1b1]

I have thought about it more than once. I worry about traumatizing my older, insanely spoiled cat. It's an excellent notion! I would love a sweet pitty. Thank you!

[Hidden in reply to b1b1b1]

Yes I have 4 dogs and it puts a certain ease in you when they actually only bark at real things like cars pulling in or strange bumps

[LittleDucky]

It sounds like you could benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy. This is really helpful for people who are having obsessive thinking especially around fear. It’s about learning to have a logical conversation with yourself so that you’re not buying into what your anxieties are telling you. If you have a therapist and they are just letting you vent without redirecting you and giving you any guidance, then That’s a crappy therapist. I’m just an addiction counselor and I do 10 times more than that for my patients. If you want I would be happy to share some cognitive behavioral therapy techniques with you for this specific kind of thing, because sometimes, other than medication, working to change our thought processes and fears is really the only way to move forward. And night spooks are some of the hardest things to get out of our head because of a lot of the things we see on TV and hear about on the news. For now I suggest ordering some Christmas lights and hanging them somewhere around your bed so that you don’t feel like you are completely in the dark. Make sure you get a color other than white because white keeps people awake. also turning on a TV and keeping the volume low on a neutral channel can help so that you don’t feel like you’re very alone. On nights that are really bad where you’re genuinely terrified you’re not gonna get any sleep you could literally make a little bed in the bathtub and lock the bathroom door, somewhere that feels small and safe. Technically this will encourage the anxieties but if you have stuff you need to do the next day and you need some sleep, Then go get that sleep even if it means you’re snuggled up in the bathtub.

[Jeff1943]

Nothing threatens you in your home, there is no danger there.

The fear is part of you not part of your home. Every part of your house is safe, you can relax in that knowledge.

Here we say 'An Englishman's home is his castle', so is yours, you can feel completely safe in your home.

There is nothing to fear, believe me. All is well.

[pink318]

Hi and welcome to the group!

I have a sister who was diagnosed with anxiety, she had a problem falling asleep but after she got a dog it helped her to sleep better. It also helped her not to feel anxious and sad. She used to be alone in the house but having a pet helped her to feel relaxed and safe.

For some people, using electronics before bedtime prevents them from being sleepy but in my experience, TV helps me to fall asleep. Reading and playing classical music are also helpful. I hope you can find what works best for you.

Take care and God bless.

[BlatherRinseRepeat in reply to pink318]

Thank you (and to others above)! I have considered a dog and I do use the lack of response from my cat as a reminder that it's all in my head. My neurologist had me up my Gabapentin dosage short term to see if that helps and I am doing the thing already where I rationally talk myself down, it just takes a while for my lizard and limbic bits to catch up. I did try sleeping in another room just to see if it was the configuration of the room itself that was the problem (facing the door, etc) but it will take a couple of nights to confirm that since it's not an every-night thing. I used to fall asleep to podcasts, white/nature noise, or music, but if I am awakened by this nonspecific panic, audio makes me worried that I can't hear an intruder. I know it's irrational and it's based on fears of death and not being found by anyone for days and days, plus the generalized freeform anxiety of just LIVING IN SOCIETY TODAY so I appreciate everyone chiming in. Fingers crossed we can all find that magic formula that works for us specifically.If I did not already have this spoilt cat I would be looking very seriously at a dog, despite having no experience with dogs. My feline munchkin helps a lot just by being there. If anyone out there is anxious and has no pet at all, I strongly agree with calls to adopt. Even just soothing them instead of oneself has a calming effect, and they give you a reason to get out of bed and take care of them.

[Pinkie56]

Love a cultural reference. I can't remember how Bart got out of that one. Love your name too. Blather away Blather.