A life long loser

[Sadmama]

Why is it that no matter how hard I try, I always fail? I try to be a good person and do everything the right way but I always lose to the person who cheats or who is a really bad person. I don’t want to be like that but I am so tired of being stepped on.

[Rain72]

I know that feeling all too well, friend. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, but the fact is, by being a good person and not stepping on others, you’re winning. Lord knows I know it doesn’t look like it, but who would you rather be? 🤷🏻‍♀️💕

[JLHwho]

Hey, I completely understand how you feel. In fact, we're in the same boat right now and I'll admit, it hurts a lot. The person I confessed my feelings for went back to her toxic and abusive ex. All I ever did was make sure she knew that there was someone who cared and that she had someone in her corner, no matter what. Yes it hurts. Am I going to change the person that I know I am and choose to be because of the constant disappointments and rejection? No. I am me and there will only ever be one of me. You still have humility. That's a quality that not many people have these days. I know it's so much easier said than done but I always try to see the learning moments in these situations. Don't be blind to the red flags and know your worth. You are doing everything right. I just see it as the universe trying to test the truly kindhearted souls to see if they can stay that way through adversity. Stay true to you. Seriously, there is someone that will come along that WILL appreciate and love you for you and they will never expect you to change. Keep your head up friend 😊

[KailaLili]

Hi Sadmama, Hugs to you. I’ve been thinking some similar thoughts lately...I keep trying to blame myself, trying to figure out what I did wrong, what could i have done differently, and would it have made a difference?? Show yourself some love, take care of you, and know you are a wonderful person.

[caroash]

Sounds like you're being very hard on yourself,I agree be kind to yourself.Practice assertiveness and do things that help your confidence grow. The more confident and strong you are the less likely it is that people treat you badly. Be your own best friend and treat yourself as you would like others to treat you.Eventually you will attract good people into your life. After all we are mirrors of each other.Write down some qualities you admire in others and try and develop those qualities in yourself.You can still be a good person and not be treated badly.

[Junella]

You are not a life-long loser. That's just your mind talking to you and it lies. It exaggerates and has you going back and ruminating over your mistakes. No one has ever made nothing but mistakes. Think of a time when you were happy--plan to be happy or at least satisfied, content, or at peace. Negative thoughts make negative feelings.

Not long ago I couldn't sleep for thinking about mistakes I made in the past. But that was foolish since I couldn't change them or go back in time. We can only go forward. Most important is being kind to others and helping them. That changes one's outlook as does exercise and healthy food choices and sleep. We need to change our bodies for they feed our brains. That's something we can do one day at a time. Also try deep breathing meditation every day. You can find tips all over the internet. Avoid the bad stuff that lurks there though.

[Hidden]

I am sorry you are struggling right now. I know how you feel. My whole life I have failed at the things I have attempted too. But that doesn't make you a life long loser. Your story is far from over and you get to decide how the rest is written. I have learned over my short 28 years that the ones who tend to get stepped on the most are the ones who care the most. We draw narcissistic and abusive people to us because they prey on our good nature. Part of stepping out of this cycle is being able to know your own value, having self love. And being able to set up healthy boundaries and knowing when to get people out of your life. I know that if you take the time to work on you and really work for yourself you will see a change and your story will get better. You are not a life long loser friend. Just a person who has been hurt. You will get better and you can do it. I believe in you.

[casual_nihilist]

The sweetest people get stepped on the most.

[Hidden]

Life isn't fair. It's so hard when others have an advantage over us. We are not life long losers. I observe people where I live and see the lifestyle they live. Some of the "life long winners" that I observed are not any better than us. I've seen their personal lives and think I wouldn't wantto be them because I see the way they treat people or see what they are going thru. It's not pretty for some. They are going thru stuff that need to address to help them. They have just been lucky in life to get to where they are. Are they better? No I dont think so. Don't give up. There's always hope.

[Crochet1957]

You are not a loser! I say those words to myself often!! It’s terrible to feel that way I know. I think we are sad about the way things are in this world and it’s hard to carry on sometimes and we turn on ourselves

[Hidden]

Sorry, surely this is a bad feeling we all know too well. Sometimes life is hard but I guese we learn and live. What i always say when such happen is, I now know signs leading to losing bcz they are always the same and so I avoid being hurt in the future. We have ur back

[Gentlespirit]

I can tell that you are a woman with integrity and its hard to say it yet it may be time to redefine and rediscover yourself w. With how you are and want to be with your family and how you can realistically be in the world. You seem genuine and idealistic and its touching yet caution or lets say wisdom is needed otherwise some individuals can pick up on those qualities and use it to their advantage. It's also extremely extremely important for you to have boundaries. Weak or nonexistent boundaries can bring alot of misery on so many different levels and if you were not allowed to have them or to say no then its ok to start establishing them. Also allow yourself to say no and its ok to say no. Saying no doesn't make you a bad person. Be gentle caring and compassionate with yourself.

[Gentlespirit]

I was going to ask if you were picked on or had to deal with bullies and did anyone help you and how did the school deal with it because thats an issue that still seems to need to be addressed even today. It makes me angry with how some things were dealt with in my schools. I'm not surprised yet I'm concerned and hopeful that some things might be addressed in schools today. If not then depression suicide acting out drug use and abuse self harm and worse will continue.

[kvolm2016]

It is definitely difficult and exhausting to be the one who is always trying to do what is right/good/ethical. And yes it definitely doesn't feel like this effort gets acknowledged or rewarded. And you are right, you don't want to be like those who take advantage of others or only do what is best for themselves. So please don't think that "losing" to people like that makes you a loser. In fact it makes you the better person. What are some of the ways that you feel like you repeatedly get stepped on?

[Hidden]

All the above replies prove You are not alone, the common theme seems to show many people feel the same way, i used to....now i don't.Some thoughts....

Without knowing why you were conditioned into this mindset...i can only speak about the things that will change the way you perceive yourself going forward.

Imagine that you are sitting in a room with nothing but a chair and a screen.

You sit in the chair and the screen is blank until you have a thought....

Maybe its a childhood memory...you play it back and relive the moment with all its feelings be they good or bad.That experience makes you feel the way you feel....may even make you feel proud or worthless, something only you know.Trying to explain it to anyone else is difficult because words aren't enough.

The reason you keep feeling whatever you feel...is because you project onto the screen inside your own mind what you are thinking....and feeling....sometimes you just project what you think others are thinking about you.

Now imagine you can choose to change the story, make yourself the heroine,

The super hero...Miss Super Positive...able to deflect all the negative rubbish others dump on you....its worth a try.

Find a new way of looking at the situation, where you stop being the victim.

Become the heroine, its sounds daft but the brain doesn't know the difference between real and imagined...thats why dreams are worth dreaming, and why negative thoughts can be turned into positive ones.

I want you break through the constraints other people put you in and set yourself free...

This message may seem stupid but in order to break stupid cycles, you have to become inventive.Hope you find something that works towards better self esteem...often your self esteem erodes by words from another mouth...which you then expand upon.

Forgive the ramble ...dont be hard on yourself....before you forgive others you have to forgive yourself...

Research EFT tapping....there is an excellent tutorial on youtube where

Louise Le Hay is talking to Orton about self love and forgiveness...you might get something from this...i did.

Take back control...be you...nevermind what anyone else thinks of you...best wishes.