Does anyone ever feel like they dont know who to be anymore?
Like the person with the mental health issues shouldn't be allowed to come out and should be kept under control?
People say be yourself but what if that self isnt nice? What is acceptable? What should you express and what should you keep to yourself?
Is it fair for someone to have to deal with me and my issues? I think I try to be different but what if I'm not trying hard enough?
I feel like there is no benchmark to measure so not sure how far I'm deviating between what's acceptable
So context if anyone has made it this far is my boyfriend constantly says I'm this and that. Too argumentative, too loud, too angry, too negative, speak to him in the wrong way, always nagging etc. So now I'm at a point where I dont know what's acceptable anymore. Should I just keep my feelings to myself? Am I too negative? Do I moan at him too much? I try to be a different person but because of my upbringing I am loud, I am impatient, I am moody, i am anxious and just very much confused about who is the right person too be.
I seem to be the source of all problems even if I think hes done something wrong. It all loops back to me.
Why is he even with someone like me. I think I should be kept away from relationships, why should anyone have to put up with that?
How can I be a different person?
Written by
Zoe299
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9 Replies
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Hi Zoe,
I appreciate you sharing your experience. I am sorry that you are hurting. It sounds difficult. It sounds like you are human. A person who is good.
It also sounds like you struggle with uncomfortable feelings. I can relate. It is important to remember - that we are not our feelings or our weaknesses. It is important to separate the fact of someone else having difficulty to love us (from believing that it is our fault or that it is because we are not lovable).
You are loved - more than you know- in ways you may not know.
sometimes persons are weak and do not give true examples of love. Sometimes we might not love ourselves in a perfect way either-
Maybe it is not about you- it may be that your boyfriend is hurting, weak, tired, angry, or unaware. This does not make it ok.
However we can learn to know true love in life. And to give this true example. Which is patient and kind. With others, so they may receive a true example to follow, and to give a true example of love to ourselves as well.
This is something I am hoping for and want to share with you.
You are loved! (Even if sometimes we fail to feel this or if others do not show a good example to us).
Oh dear, I sighed a great big sigh when I read your post. The only way you need to be is your authentic self. The self that is true, honest, fair, loving etc... We all have flaws in our characters, we are human beings. When a partner sees only negatives, it is more about them and their behaviour that is unacceptable. Only ever change things about yourself that you want to change for yourself and not to please someone else.
Your authentic self or the real you, is about being honest inside your head and living according to standards you set, your principles, your morals and your boundaries. Don't accept constant negative criticism, it damages self esteem. Think about what you want in your life. Be kind to you.look at what this relationship is about, is it bringing you joy and happiness or is it bringing you down.
The answer is you can't. All you can do is be your true self and this is what you need to strive for. If you have issues that need sorting then maybe counselling is the way forward?
There is only one thing most of us in life can be a world beater at - and that is being ourselves. After all no one can do it as well as we can. Never change for someone else or let anyone diss your feelings. x
It is a difficult thing for me to determine. My issue is that I am very quiet/shy and am not opinionated about much. Because of this I'm not very engaging. Part of my anxiety is a result of feeling too boring or uninteresting to other people. Which is partly true but I also very much enjoy solitude. I've been pushing myself to be more social for the sake of my wife but a lot of the time I wish I could get some more quiet me time. I've been at odds with myself over how I feel I want to be and what I think I supposed to be around other people, if that makes sense.
Do you have a therapist? If you do, bring your boyfriend in so you two can work on your relationship together. Could your boyfriend's criticisms be contributing to your depression? It's hard to feel better when bombarded by negative feedback.
Depression erodes one's self-esteem enough. I hope you have or can find a therapist who will help you both.
You are human and you are allowed to feel all your emotions. Sometimes holding it all in can make you sick. Find an empty park or field go alone and just scream, cry, laugh, throw a rock or whatever helps you take the weight of the anxiety off your back. God made you who you are. Now don't be mean or angry at everything. When someone hurts me I say delete, delete. Like you would on the computer and ask God to help you forgive them. Or if you hurt someone for God to forgive you. God bless you.
Advance yourself - you, the present you - to become better. Like a supersaiyan - you will ascend further. You will be not "different person", but a billion times better YOU
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