Questions wrapped in a rant

[teen_anxiety]

Please no hate over what I am about to share.

My phone does not work (has not since quarantine started) but I still carry it around. I don't know what it is but I have started to realize that it is because when I do it is my one constant thing. Has anyone done a guided meditation where they have you go through your five senses with an item, and they tell you at the end to choose an item to carry with you to do this anytime you are overwhelmed or stressed. I kinda feel like this has become my item but I would never do this with it because I am embarrassed to be carrying around a phone that does not work. anyways so my dad grabbed it from where I had it last night and plugged it in (or at least we assume it is him because that is the only logical option) When I got up and saw it plugged in I thought nothing of it because we have plugged it in before when it first stopped working to see if that was the problem and it never did anything. But today my phone turned on I was surprised and excited but when I asked if I could set it up my mom's response was no because I do not know if I am going to set it up at all. This annoyed me because she is basically saying she is not going to allow me a phone again because I was too "addicted" but my average screen time was 1-3 hrs and as a teen that is not a lot. In the end, it might be for the best because I got anxiety from being on my phone just because I was worried I would be on it too much and my mom would get upset with me again or tell me I am on it too much. But this still bugs me because I wanna learn to be responsible on a device and I have not been able to talk to many of my friends for about a year because my phone has not worked. Also, my sister still has her I-pod and can use it but all I can do is school stuff on my computer and If I do not have school she wants me off it so I am not on it all the time. On top of all this, I wonder if my mom somehow tricked me into wanting to set up the rules for myself that I shared in a past post? one last thing I promise. My mom is always telling me that many people do not have a life while they go to college and that is why she encouraged me and said it's normal/ok not to talk to my friends but once a week? But is this normal?

[Tidus]

As a college student yes I can say it's normal. Also where do you create those images?

[teen_anxiety in reply to Tidus]

ok, thanks, I just did not know if it was just me because I am bad at managing time because I have seen somethings where the college students seemingly have a lot of time (well not a lot but they at least have some extra time and more of a life than me). As for the image I actually can not take credit for them because most of them I get online if not I just edit them in the camera app. (only 3 of the pics I have shared were mine 1 was a screenshot and 2 I took and there is 1 I shared that someone else had shared with me first the rest I got off the internet)

[teen_anxiety]

well now they do and I want to learn how to be responsible with them and not be addicted and all the other problems that phones have made.

[teen_anxiety]

well I would have to be allowed to have one first and I literally did all this when I did have one (without the kudos) ok and maybe the schedule was not perfect but I was very good with when I was and was not on it and also the contract just made me feel trapped and gave me the anxiety from the fear of doing it all wrong. (which I obviously did because I am not allowed one but I felt I did good so I don't know what I did wrong)