And the beat goes on. Motivation is still lacking.....

So....

I had a chat with my VA psych doc. "We" decided to increase the dosage of one of my meds. In hope of getting some motivation going..

My depression has been exacerbated by haveing to "relive" events of 50 plus years ago ..Eg. My time in the Navy and Vietnam. Things resting in "the back" of my memories are now in the forefront. Why? Well, I may have said this previously. The VA in it's twisted logic has only recently allowed "Blue Water Navy Vets" the opportunity to file disability compensation claims.

Sooooo. That means paper work and brining the old wounds front and center.

That has put a serious kink in my life, with symptoms being more acute and the result is dragging me down physically and emotionally.

I'm safe. I'm hanging in and pressing on.. Or as the current trendy buzz words would put it.. "Moving foward"

[Hb2003]

I am so sorry about that much support 🙏

[Hidden in reply to Hb2003]

Thanks! I appreciate that😄🙏

[Hb2003 in reply to Hidden]

Your welcome 🙏

[Starrlight]

I know how it feels I have a SSI interview coming up and it’s triggering me because I have to go back and look at hospitalizations and talk of stuff like psychosis. A lot of things are bubbling to the surface. Ptsd from when my brother killed himself is worse now than usual as well. I wonder how long I can cope this way. I send you positive vibes (((((((((( best to you

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

And positive and supported thoughts in return,Many years ago I was a community mental health worker. I my entire case load was comprised of people on SSD SSI.

The "system" needs an enema if I may be so bold.

I assisted many many people deal with the nonsense that is that system.

It seems set up to perpetuate dependency on it instead of helping people restructure thier lives and succeed.

I could get on my soap box here and go off on a tangent. Suffice to say I can imagine what you have to deal with and you have my empathy.

Try to stay strong and not let them get you down.

[Hidden]

I’m sorry you’re experiencing these flashbacks. We all experience some form of PTSD more or less. These symptoms just come and go unpredictably, don’t they? All we can do is to breathe one breath at a time. I hope you feel better soon.🙏

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. For fifty years I've been taking one breath at a time. I don't know if I'll ever find peace of mind. Or at least get back to where I was before deciding to file my claims. I'm tired of the memories. Thank you for the words of encouragement. 😊

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You’re welcomed. Like you said gotta “move forward”. I am too afraid to go through antidepressants route and applying enlightenment literatures to understand and relieve myself from suffering. I remind myself with this quote: “Turning inwards is not a turning at all. Going inwards is not a going at all. “-Osho. I’m already there and contentment is impossible when our desire is there to control the situation. Just let go... 😌

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Medication can be another "tool" for recovery and helping our mind sort out the confusion and help our bodies heal as well. They alone are not the answer. I find it takes a combination of resources and a personal interest in the goal of well being. Life is a journey of discovery. "The journey of a thousand miles, beginning with the first step" Lao Tzu.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your advice. So stubborn to always do things my own way. Everything is a journey. That first step can be a catalyst to anything...

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You're welcome. Stubbornness in terms of perseverance and the journey through life, to learn and better our selves is more rewarding than stubbornness a in being stuck in a rut.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I know. For now I’m gonna go unstuck myself with some fantastic lunch 😆. Have a peaceful day ahead. 🙏

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You too!