just back from volunteering @ animal shelter - which usually cheers me up...
but on top of trying to grieve my step dad's loss; comfort and support my mom; dealing w/ my $$ hungry narcissist brother...
mom called me tonight -her furnace not heating; and my bro's son - my nephew is taking over heaters for her till heating guy can come back tomorrow with a needed part.... and my nephew probably gonna stay the night - and he is who even knows how safe he's being - considering his brother (my other nephew) AND my fracking brother just had covid - because those 2 are such incredible morons - my bro let's my nephew do a sleep-over during a world wide pandemic when 3 new strains of even more infectious covid are now discovered - and my nephew gets covid and passes to my brother.... no fracking idea if my 1st nephew dropping off heaters can be trusted worth a crap... considering his dad is the fracking moron who said OK go do a sleepover !!!!!!
i just wanna fracking scream!!!! but i'm don't have the energy, desire or strength to scream... and what would be the point anyway...
and ALL of this is on top of the crap load of crap that brought me to this fracking forum in the first place!!!!!!!!!!
i just wanna leave this planet... the life forms here that claim the top position are worthless pieces of crap, that believe their needs are the only needs that matters and screw the rest... i think the entire species should be exterminated. there are sadly some really really really good ones out there - but they're in such a minority. we're over-run with idiots. i'd gladly give my life if i could take all the idiots with me.
frankly i'm not sure i'd mind giving my life just to get away from them.... ha ha.
should probably not take this post too seriously... i'm tired, emotionally exhausted, and feeling very much alone right now... which ironically maybe is a good thing - because at the moment i pretty much hate my entire species.
i know this is a draconian response to my brother. so i'm sure i'll feel differnt in the morn... mebbe...
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“THIS EXISTENCE IS READY TO SUPPORT YOU in every possible way. TRUST, and you will start feeling a new upsurge of energy in you; that energy is LOVE.”-Osho. Much love n lights to you Rob ❤️☮️🌈🙏xxx
i'm tryin... but its a very uphill battle right no.w... and i dont ask for help easily; not that it would matter - cause there isn't anthing to do for me right now. except for things that wouldn't really solve anything... like club to bro's head... i knownothing can knock any sense into him... i just gotta try to find acceptance... and that extremely hard for me when it comes to this. especially right now.
Let go for awhile, gain some new perspectives along the way and you’ll know what to do. Regarding to your brother, can’t focus solely on him, he has his own enlightened journey to walk through, you can’t force anyone to see what you see. You can treat him with kindness for a reasonable period of time; and that doesn’t work, you can treat him the same manner with approximately equal intensity, without anger though. Find simplicity in your understanding without complexities that will shed some light to your way of being. Hang in there Rob. ☯️☮️❤️🙏xxx
K - luv your reply... you've always got such a wonderful way to see things! it's very uplifting!
that said - there's 1 error in your reply i must point out...
in order for my brother to be on an enlightened journey - he must be aware of the idea that enlightenment IS a journey... and as far as he's concerned - no one can be more enlightened than him... so in fact - he's not on ANY journey at all - unless you consider the path of self deception - a "journey"... :o) 💜💜💜xxx
There’s no error Rob, everyone is on some kind of journey, even self deception what not. In errors, we make things right through lessons. Enlightenment simply means self awareness and what and when he’s aware is up to him. With that being said, I’m glad you are here and processing things in your own pace. ☮️☯️❤️xxx
well K; once again i find it difficult to debate your logic!!
you force me to defer to the logic you present! and i really like when that happens!!!!
its definitely trying times for me... but i'm trying...
i'm at mom's now and for next 1.5 days; we just had a really exciting conv over dinner... she had 1 of the worst mornings this morning; and i'm glad i could be here to cheer her up...
i think it's a kind of escape for me... which means maybe i'm not processing as much or as fast as i could... but it's also healing to be able to help her...
I, too have days where I question if it’s worth it to go on. Ultimately, we all have our own ways of coping so I don’t want to impose mine on you, but it’s definitely helped me to focus on the positive aspects of my life and use them as fuel to keep going. It sounds like you have some things you enjoy, such as volunteering and your love for your mom. I hope you find some relief for your struggles.
ty very much for your words of understanding and encouragement. i really appreciate... i'm def. trying to focus on the positive... but it's exceedingly more difficult at the moment... it's like i was already climbing a steep hill - and now the grade of the hill has increased by 25-50% more... and i'm outta breath from getting to this point!
but it does help to know there's caring and understanding people out there like you... so tx again!
Hi. It’s Shnookie. It’s healthy to vent. Think 🤔 of the positive things U have done. Volunteering at the animal shelter, supporting your mom during her time of grievance. Obviously 🙄 your brother shouldn’t have let his son do the sleepover. I am here to support U aswell the rest of the group. U R being the best person U can be. U can always come here 4 support hugs 🤗 S
tyvm for your understanding, and time. there are some really nice people here, and i do find comfort in that. i kinda have to laugh that i have someone at home - and i couldn't possibly feel more alone. and there's people here that i can't even see, hear or touch - and i feel closer and more connected to them... i also have to think how messed up that sounds....
ty oh sooo much for the hugs... and right back @ ya.... 🤗🤗🤗
turns out my nephew didn't stay over w/ mom; and furnace is fixed this morn... so i'm much relieved about him putting her at greater covid risk....
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thought my bro did leave icing on the cake so to speak... other day he apparently told mom "don't throw anything out from dad's office - there's stuff i want". so yea - there's that - literally 2 weeks after losing him - and my fracking bro can't keep his flippin mouth shut; can't stop himself from being the tactless spithead that he is...
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i so want a new family. and some new younger friends... seem to have fewer by the minute...
Hey man. Go ahead and scream. Sometimes that helps more than you'd realize. Families are the hardest to deal with. No one ever said you had to like them or put up with their B.S. It's difficult now a days to just get through one at a time. I've found myself stressors are more pronounced and little thing once shrugged off are right there in your face. It sounds like you are the central character in this drama and everyone seems to depend on you yet they take advantage as well. Seriously, it might be good for your mental health to just "not be there" for those who are the biggest irritants. First and foremost, take care of you and pick your priorities, don't let others pick them for you. Stay well healthy and strong... "Non Carborundum Illigetium"
tho - maybe i should wait till morning to scream... i seriously think i'll give that a try!
and you sooo right about family... there's almost no one left in mine i want anything to do with - and 1 of the few i really like - married in - so isn't even blood - which is probably why i like them!!!
you also right about stressors - don't take much to set me off these days... trying to let crap roll off my back... and drama - if anyone thinks i'm a drama queen - u aint seen nothin till u meet my bro... drama is his middle name.
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but above all else - i need to make this my mantra... cause you soo right, brother!!!
Thanks and you're welcome,, Here's another "gem" from my quote collection.... 'That which does not kill us , makes us stronger' This was supposedly carved into the stone where Gladiators trained... so goes the legend,. Peace my friend.☮️
Hey, I just smiled while I read your post because you so eloquently expressed what is going on in soooooo many families right now! It is so frustrating but know you are not alone and others are in the same boat as you! You should be proud that in the midst of this you do your best to volunteer for a good and worthy need.
You need rest, number one!
And then you need to spend a little time taking care of yourself, before trying to help the others!
Sounds like they will always have a need for this or that, but fill yourself first! Be kind to yourself first.
i appreciate... and it's always nice to hear i'm not alone!
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i know you're right.. but it is hard to say no... not as much to my brother - but that gets complicated for soooo many reasons...
truth is - i have little contact with my brother; which is painful in other ways - but healthier for me... i can't stand the drama and me me me me from him... it's a lose-lose-lose proposition. he'll never be the brother i want. he is the exact kind of person i want nothing to do with. and yet he's still my brother... and i've got 2 nephews - which i can't be part of their lives without some interaction w/ my bro... REALLY aggravating... and hard to spend time w/ nephews without him inserting himself - which then the conversation is all about him - and i may as well not even try to spend time w/ my nephews - cause they never get a word in....
Hey there 13ga, I hear you and see that your frustration is just overflowing. I am really glad, actually, that you can vent about it here. But I want you to take care of you first!!!
If you were to (heaven forbid) drop dead in the next 5 minutes, they would still get by. Sooooo.... take care of you for awhile so you don’t!!!
it's nice to get recognition of that frustration... and better still validation of it..
something you said did make me smile tho... i can have a dark sense of humor...
the 'heaven forbid' wasn't necessary... i wouldn't mind if i dropped dead in next 5 min... at least i'd find some peace!!
tho it would also mean my brother's share of whatever dough or assets doubles... and i wouldn't want to give him that satisfaction! even tho i also know i dont give a whip about it - and how much satisfaction can i really get by denying him my share? well - certainly SOME if i'm bluntly honest... lol
Ha! I like your way of thinking! Satisfaction is a great motivator! Try to rest your mind a little while. I have been reading a book set called The Immune, written in 2015, about a global pandemic! Entertains my brain and then lets me rest a little. We need rest!
interesting you're reading that... i've been fascinated with pandemic story-lines for many many years. in fact - i even played a pandemic game several years ago! (yep they exist!) the better games use real bio-statistics and transmission stats, etc... to make the game realistic. they even include anticipated global reaction to the pandemic and that gets factored into the simulation too!
Just remember you are a great support for your mother or she wouldn't have you stay with her. It was you she wanted to see and stay with her. That is a remarkable son who agrees to help out in these circumstances. Love comes in many forms, even in sibling rivalry and reciprocity is always great when those around have compassion and self compassion.
Glad you focus on your own needs, too. We have time for both. Just takes a little longer. Sorry you see it as not life fulfilling. Too curious, you are, as to where this life is taking you.
Curiosity killed the cat but we are not cats. We humans do not have nine lives, only just this one full of twists and turns. Bet there is a great turn for you coming up. Keep you eyes open.
truly wise words! and i know you're right... mom has said many times over how much she recognizes and appreciates my efforts; as well as that shes admitted to me a lack of understanding how my brother has become what he is.
i know i should be focusing on mom, and on me; and not wasting my time on moving immovable objects... but as i well know how well you understand this... it's hard as hell... and all too easy to slip down the slope that my brother covers in his excrement. 😬😬😬😬
i certainly do hope there's a great turn coming... it's looong overdue; and i could desperately use it!!
Think this is the price to pay for being responsible. that is really a great asset and one that is truly yours. Be proud of who you are and not waste time on those who are wanting for whatever reason. All infants are born from the womb with fear paralysis reflex. how it is handled was wonton in the past due to lack of education regarding these issues. Try to be happy for who you are. As some one on here would say, "It is a gift or a curse," but it is yours alone.
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:o) 💜💜💜xxx
Anyone else feeling even more miserable after therapy? Pls help 😭
More depressed than ever , so cheers 
Why am I so low-functioning and still repelled by household chores?
