FEELING ANGRY

[Fortynfedup]

I’ve forgotten to take my tablets too often. I go into the kitchen and do something else and forget, once twice maybe three times. The hours are passing by and I’ve still not taken them. I keep remembering that I forgot! Sometimes I just ignore it because I can’t be bothered going into the kitchen again as I’ve paced there and back so often. I’ll remember tomorrow. Ironically it’s that I’m feeling totally normal. The more days I wake normal the more days I forget the medicine and when I realise that it’s been maybe three days or so, the withdrawal, anxiety, depression hits hard. And the cycle starts again. I’m at the stage after 9 years of healing that i know all the ways to feel better, to cope, to move forward, however, when I feel bad, through my own doing, I can’t stop the inevitable downward spiral. I’m angry, at myself, my husband, my work and COVID. Truth is I know I’ve taken my meds now and I’ve exercised and started functioning again. I know I will be fine but the frustration has no outlet. I have no one to tell. I live surrounded by family but I’m lonely when it comes to anxiety and depression. I’m the one that supports everyone being matriarch of the family but no one tells me “every thing will be fine” and sometimes I need that more than advice, more than reason. I just need to be told everything will be fine. I go over everything in my head, conversations and possible answers but it pointless telling them as they just sigh and the look of impatience appears, then the blank stare as if I’m taking up their time. I have no choice, only I can help myself.

[BluePeppermint]

You ARE going to be fine. I'm sorry your family isn't there for you emotionally. Since I've gotten back in therapy, my family has been my rock. My mom doesn't understand my feelings, but she listens and she tries to understand. That's all I can ask of her, and all my friends and family.

[Fortynfedup in reply to BluePeppermint]

Thank you, I need that. I’m so glad your family is understanding xx