high-functioning depression lol

[effystonem]

hey, this is my first post so I'm not really sure how this all works. either way even if no one sees this it'll probably be good for me to write about my feelings.

i basically have no idea how to deal with things in a healthy way and have little support. i tend to get mood swings of being good and feeling refreshed than quickly getting sad for hours. whenever I get sad, I either sleep, watch depressing entertainment (skins or short films), get coffee (if I'm sad in the day), occasionally journal, take quizzes on whether I'm depressed (and then cry), and sometimes I'll go shopping. I know I need therapy and friends, but it's not that easy to get that.

I recently left my church because I don't agree with their ideas and I never really did, I think I only tried to make life easier. I haven't told my parents I'm not going to church (they're very religious) although they've noticed I haven't gone to meetings and haven't hung out with my church friends as much. My church friends know and are nice about it but I know they'll never understand me as much as I need people to. I had a therapist with the church but she told me I should get a therapist that can give me clinical help. My parents know this but haven't done anything about it and I can't deal with them right now. The only time they ever do anything I need them to do is when I yell at them because otherwise, they don't see me as a priority. So, therapy is hard to get.

With friends, my closest friends were all in my church so now even though I know they love me and are nice to me, I know they don't understand what I mean especially with feelings about leaving the church. I've been trying to hang out with people I'm friends with, but I'm not super close to them yet and I don't want to scare them away so I don't talk about any problems I have with anyone. I can't put that burden on anyone and I want someone who really likes me first and wants to know me rather than feels burdened by my feelings and has to give me pity. yeah, I have problems with asking for anything

[Tellmeaboutit]

i know what you mean, it can be really hard to get started with good counseling / therapy. especially with family members who simoly dont understand.

you might re-consider leaving yourchurch, because it can be an excellent support network, even if you dont agree with their theilogy 100% (and let’s face it: they mostly dont agree with each other 100% anyway) Just take in the part that is useful to you and leave the rest there. no need to explain or debate or appologize for your own personal beliefs. the friendships and sense of community can unique, hard to find anywhere else.

maybe you could talk to your pastor or other church official about help getting counseling. they are usually happy to talk about absoluteiy anything.

you dont say how old you are, but if you are in high school or college you could talk to a school counselor, or even one of your teachers or professors. They often have training and experience in these areas and are always wanting to help.

or write back to us here with more specifics. maybe we could help you come up with a plan to talk to your parents more effectively about it

[effystonem in reply to Tellmeaboutit]

I'm 17 and a senior in high school. I know that churches can be good support systems, but I actually had a therapist for maybe two months from the church and she ended our sessions by encouraging me to make a decision to either leave the church or stay and make a strong effort to try to approach things spiritually (one of those decisions along with clinical help). I believe I've tried to approach feelings of depression spiritually and ended up feeling a lot of discouragement as it hasn't helped at all really. I also think I have a strong aversion to religious help as I've felt disconnected from their beliefs for a while now and I've felt like I didn't have a choice so leaving probably is a good option as it can help me feel more in control and not stuck. I'm definitely a people pleaser so being raised in the church made me feel like I didn't have much of an option as my parents as well as church leaders expected a certain life for me. I understand that being in church can be a good thing for many people, but I'd like to stay away from it as I feel misunderstood, alone, and like I'm lying to myself and everyone around me by being there. I don't want to remove the possibility of ever going back to church (whether that be the same church or a different church), but I want to be away from church right now.

I think my best action to take would be to talk to my parents but I don't know what I should say...I know they should know I don't want to be in church, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to handle an onslaught of questions along with a sudden concern and care for me. I also know if I push them to help me find a therapist if I don't tell them about leaving the church first they probably won't get around to finding a therapist until I have a breakdown about it, which I already kinda did.

[Tellmeaboutit in reply to effystonem]

ok i understand now about the church. They often try to solve any problem with purely spiritual guidence, when they aren’t spiritual problems at all. Have you heard this saying: “when your only tool is a hammer everything looks like a nail.”

I’m thinking maybe your church counselor only had one hammer and just kept tryin to whack you with it, ya??

You need a licensed medical professional, counselor/therapist/psychologist, etc, who has a more extensive tool kit.

Since you are not legally an adult, your best option is probably to convince your parents to make an appointmentand go with you. I know this can be hard, because mental health conditions are still very poorly understood throughout society, despite the amazing progress that has been made in understanding causes and treatment options. In your parents’ time, growing up, it was probably common to think of people with depression as deliberately trying to shirk responsibility, or trying to get attention or special treatment. This is how my parents first reacted to my early signs of depression. Not surprisingly, it tends to exascerbate the condition.

so you might need to educate your parents a bit to get them to understand. Perhaps you could start out talking to one or the other of them about depression or anxiety generally. Have they ever been depressed, or known a family member or friend who seemed depressed? would they recognize the symptoms? Maybe even give them something to read that you “came across.” Of course they will ask why you’re so interested, at which point you could just... well, i’m sure you see where im going with this, ya?

butthat’s just a suggestion. you know your parents pretty well, and we dont know them at all. Also, i can tell that you’re super smart (by theway you write) so you should have complete confidence in your own ability to come up with a deliberate approach to broaching the subject with them.

just some other thoughts, possibilities to consider:

ask another adult to talk to one of your parents with you. Aunt/uncle grandparen family friend? dont even need to telk them what its about ahead of time if you dont want to. “I need to talk to my Mom about something important, and i was hoping you might be there with me when i do it”

another possibility write them a letter. You can take your time and re-write it until you get it just right. you can even decide not to give it to them after you’ve written it, if you dont want to, so no harm in trying. Maybe writing it out will help you figure out how to just talk to them directly.

speaking of the direct approach, i often write down notes on what i want to say when i need to have a difficult conversation with someone. sort of an outline of how i want the conversation to go. sometimes i can even anticipate the other person’s responces and be better prepared to remain calm and rational, and persuasive.

I hope some of this helps. please write back again with your thoughts, more specific questions, or to let us know how it goes. we’re all here to help each other

(im going to bed now but i’ll check back tomorrow)

[effystonem in reply to Tellmeaboutit]

You definitely gave a lot of good ideas to think about. I'll post later when I decide to do something or make some progress. Thank you for your help.

[lillyofthevalley37]

If coffee makes you feel better it seems like you need a bit more dopamine , you can buy tyrosine from Holland&Barrett which will give you dopamine but just have a pinch not a whole capsule per day , if you start to get heartburn ease off the tyrosine