today is christmas eve, and how almost everyone is with holidays it could be stressful. for the past month now, both me and my mother had agreed that i'd be using the oven for mostly the entire day since i'd be cooking this year for christmas eve. then as always my sister getting what she wants tells my mom she wants this huge thing made in the oven as well. once i'm getting ready to use the oven and tell her that i'm going to lower the temperature since i'm going to be slow cooking she gets mad at me saying i can't do that.
i don't get it? didn't we both agree even until yesterday what the plan was and now you're acting as if i can't do anything? it makes no sense. earlier this morning she was crying telling me that my brother is always disrespectful, never helping her with anything, and just constantly being mean to her. but suddenly if i say even one little comment not meaning to disrespect her i'm suddenly saying the worst s*** to her in the world.
i'm really sad that i still keep getting treated as if i don't have any feelings. i never opened up about any of my feelings to my mom because i know how she'd react. she'll say she doesn't believe me and it's all an act. the other day i got really upset because her boyfriend thought something was wrong with me and she said that "she never gets sad, nothing's wrong with her." of course she would think that because if i do say something's wrong i'm making it up since i'm just "bored with my life".
but let her boyfriend say he's sad or he feels hurt over things and she believes every word her says without a doubt in her mind. i'm tired of just feeling like this. just feeling like i have to be so secretive about my depression. i want to one day just say this is real mom, and i hope you can believe me when i say it's real for me.
Stuck
Slowly losing faith again…
Tension headaches 
Struggling with medication
