Thoughts (sorry for the grammatical errors)

I do this thing sometimes when something happens and I’m being viewed negatively. I spiral into these thoughts of “why do I always have to prove myself?” Why do I need to validate myself to this person or that person? Today it was my boss and her boss. My productivity is extremely low, in their eyes, because the numbers don’t lie. But my overall work lies outside of the numbers it’s all hands on physical unquantifiable work. They just want numbers and the numbers don’t add up. Now I have to justify what I have been doing with all of my time. The time mind you, that they don’t see extending beyond my normal work hours. The days spent in the office “just 30 more minutes so I won’t have to add it on my todo list later”.

Why do I always have to tell someone I’m valuable? Why can’t they just see it?

Because they can only see what’s in front of them? Because looking beyond the surface of things is too much?

The issue today may be about work but this bleeds into life’s pain. Having to prove to my ex husband that I was just as important, that I was just as beautiful, that I brought more to the table than just a body to sleep with but in the end he didn’t see it. He didn’t believe it.

My mother believes that by allowing my son to go to his dads every other week (because of divorce) I’m not a good mother and that I don’t really want my children. How does that make me less? How do I love them less? How do I want them less?.........what could I do to prove otherwise?

It’s exhausting and I wish there was some way to stop spiraling down this rabbit hole of truly understanding my worth with having to provide concrete evidence of that fact in every aspect of my life.

[sweetiepye]

Let me tell you something, you don't have to prove anything to anyone . Your opinion of yourself is what matters. As long as you don't lie to yourself or pretend to be something you are not. People will learn about you by what you do , not by what you say .I'm sure you know people who are constantly talking themselves up. Trying to convince themselves , and others ,that they are something they are not. It always shows.

You may feel that you need to do that, but you don't . Let that go and you will feel lighter without that burden .

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to sweetiepye]

Sweetiepye, glad to see you back.