Needing understanding and support

[npg1013]

Has anyone else had people close to them who view their depression/anxiety as selfish or childish? If so, how do you deal with that? How do you make them understand how hard you fight every day just to feel normal? I’m at a loss...

[BlueSky125]

Yes, ive experienced this. You cant get them to understand, you have to accept that either they cant or dont want to.

[npg1013 in reply to BlueSky125]

I’m specifically referring to my husband, so his understanding is very important to me. I can’t fight my own thoughts and also get judged constantly for having them. I just don’t know what to do.

[BlueSky125 in reply to npg1013]

its difficult if someone hasnt experienced what you have. people like simply solutions , so its easier to think of someone as just immature or selfish. He would have to have an open mind and be willing to challenge his current thinking. maybe some type of couples therapy? I try to focus mostly on getting better and not on others opinions.

[Whiskers16 in reply to npg1013]

I completely sympathise with you my partner doesn’t understand and has accused me of bringing him down so I try and hold it in which I shouldn’t have to do

[Grk2000]

I experience this on a daily, it’s probably my biggest struggle with my depression and anxiety is trying to help others understand when really I don’t even understand why I am the way I am sometimes. It’s very hard for those who haven’t suffered with their mental health to have empathy, and unfortunately we can not force anyone to understand either they will or they won’t. I try I keep myself around the people who attempt to understand

[Hidden]

My mom had a hard time accepting that I had depression. She has a bias toward mental issues and thought I was lazy or should be able to power through... or something. It’s probably just because they have never been taught/ experienced what depression really is. So, my approach was to give her some space and ask her to educate herself about mood disorders. I sent her some links to articles explaining that depression is a sickness, not a choice. There is still room for improvement but she is more supportive now. Be patient, and be prepared to be misunderstood. 🙁 All the best.

[Grk2000 in reply to Hidden]

Feeling like you have no support or understanding can be exhausting and makes it that much harder to get or accept help too. My grandparents mishandled my depression when I was in high school by trying to force me to open up and face my emotions which later caused me to shut down and push them away it’s a very different generation unfortunately, at the same time I wouldn’t let yourself revolve around her understanding. I learned later on that the more I focused on myself and why I felt the way I did rather than the way others felt, the easier it was to navigate my emotions and really come to terms with myself. I’ve grown significantly since practicing this mindset it’s not easy but it really helps you learn about yourself.

[cynndrs]

I have others who have told loved ones things like I am just looking for attention or my mental health is in my head. People who they really trust. Anyway my loved ones are adults and they need to grow up but it so hurts. I have DID, multiple personality. Just diagnosed 3 yrs ago which answers so many questions for me. How do you explain what it is if loved ones are believing something totally different. I do have Wonderful Friends and a couple Family members who no longer judge me. It is a start I guess.

[Kangaroo_Alice]

Yes, a few people. With a couple of them, it was more generational. They were in their 70’s and 80’s and just didn’t understand what there was to be depressed about. They came through the Great Depression and WWII and thought as long as you have roof, food and physical security, then you’re fine. A couple of others think the same, but they’re my age and should be more enlightened. Are these people/person living in the same house as you? Did you have them read some literature on the subject? I do get that some people can’t be reached. If you can minimize them in your life, maybe that’s something to consider. When you’re feeling so low and struggling to get from one moment to the next, being around people like that can pull you down even further.

[Jamesi]

It is hard, very hard to make people understand something that they haven't experienced themselves. They will always think that you are making up things to get their attention. I have learned that the best is if you find someone who has been through it and only they can have a clue what you are going through. I wish that you find someone or a therapist that can help you.

[argh52]

My wife has been depressed but she is still mad at me for not "consistently trying to get better" at any time in the last year. I would have expected more (any) sympathy from her since she ought to get it.

[EllaAlexandra]

In the end you do need to give yourself time and space to move through it. Their comments are counter productive, but aimed at the same outcome. Work towards the outcome they d like you to achieve in the way you know works best for you.