sigh, joy

[magicly_rose]

I read the messages between my mom and my boyfriend from last night and they honestly didn’t make me feel any better. Sure, she kinda seemed like she cared, but it also seemed like she thought i was feeling all of these things because life isn’t going my way. Idk, i just feel like that screamed that my feelings are fake or something. I guess it fueled my self hatred. It just makes me think that really, all my feelings are stupid, not real, shouldn’t be here. Like i have no reason to feel this way and therefore i’m dumb to feel this way. Idk. i guess i love my mom. I mean, she’s my mother. She gave birth to me. I wouldn’t be alive without her, literally. Idk, man. I don’t feel very well. She kept bringing up that i’m a strong willed child, that i always try to do things my way. And then it seemed that she was insinuating that when things don’t go my way, i feel like this, absolutely devoid of motivation, depressed, anxious. That as soon as i don’t get what i want, i just willingly shut down. I don’t know.. I really don’t know how to feel right now.

[sweetiepye]

Keep in mind that your feelings are valid . They are your response to whatever is happening to you . You shouldn't try to alter them to suit other people. Your Mom probably still sees you as a young child and that's more than likely going to be the case for some time. Don't fault her for it. It is very hard to stop mothering . I imagine she and your BF were trying to figure out how to help you because they love you .It's hard to see someone you love struggling with a problem . Have you tried journaling ? It can be helpful in trying to organizing your feelings .

[magicly_rose in reply to sweetiepye]

yeah, from time to time i go and write in my journal. i've had it for nearly a year now. i'm not 100% sure if it's really helped me out, though. i guess it does feel nice to write down exactly what i'm feeling