Struggling with a desire to stay

[justme3790]

I don't want to get better. That's the problem. I want to be done. I don't want to go to the Dr. or the Therapist or take my meds. I want to be done. I feel like I am just going through the motions of life instead of actually living it. I don't look forward to anything anymore. I don't know what to do...I know I'm supposed to want to live but I don't. But dying is also scary. And I don't want to have my roommate find me if I were to do it. I feel like I'm running out of options.

[FearIsALiar]

But why don’t you want to get better?

[justme3790 in reply to FearIsALiar]

I don't know. I would rather just cease to exist at this point. It would be easier.

[HisDaughter]

I am very sorry about how you feel! I understand you very well because I have felt the same way too. There were years when I felt that I was just existing, like plants, with no good reason to be alive or any purpose. It is hard to go meet with therapists or to have to take medications regularly, but it is necessary to do what is going to help you because you are valuable and an important person. Your life matters. You matter a lot. God created you and He made you in His image. You were a gift to your parents. You are an important human being. I know that it is not easy to live with the feelings that you have, but I also know that things can improve. Therapists can provide a lot of help. I still feel very bad, at times. There seems to be no cure for how bad we feel, but there are things we can do to help ourselves.

[HisDaughter]

It is good that you are reaching out. Do you think you can go out for walks outside? Can you choose a place where you can volunteer? I have also felt that I don't want to live but also afraid of death. Maybe you can find a support group that you can join. There is a program called Celebrate Recovery and it can help. Walking outside is helpful physically and emotionally. We need to be strong and we have to force ourselves to do things that are going to help us. If you don't want to live in misery forever continue your therapy and your medications for as long as you need them. Don't give up. You matter so much! Take care of yourself. Keep yourself safe and love yourself. I am very sorry about your pain!

[melTK]

hi, i am like you, i dont want to recover, i dont want to get better, its like, idk, like i have been struggling so much with many things that i dont think i will recover, i know how difficult is, belive me, i know, but just try to found something to distract yourself when your feeling like shit :[]

- mel <3

[tiblo in reply to melTK]

i have felt the same i just did not want to live any more with this i have had it 17yrs then i went on clonazepam they take a while to work but they are great i know every body diffrent but for me they have given me most of my life back i have been to hell and back with this and you get a great nights sleep i have one in the morning with my other tablets and i take to at night best tablet i have had in 17yrs of going crazy and wanting to die hope this helps