A little about me

[Panthers20]

I'm new here and I am here because I struggle with mental health. I have anxiety, depression, and ADHD. Recently I have been going through a breakup and I am struggling to move forward with it. Why? Because I don't understand what to do in order to move forward. Men, you know just as good as I do that getting your heart broken can be the worst pain of all. Women obviously deal with it hard too, but it really depends on the person. As for me, I am someone who often doesn't have many friends, for a reason I do not know, and because of this I value the people who I do have more than normal. With this, at the end of last year, this random girl came into my life. It was an instant connection. We quickly became best friends and there was a magnetic pull between us, one that only we could feel. It was like nothing I have ever felt before. However, I played it slowly making sure I wasn't rushing into something and hurting myself. We were best friends for 3 months before I decided to take a shot at a relationship with her. 3 months of dating and I finally let down that wall that was holding me back from being "in-love" with her. But within a few days, she just decided she needed space. I just don't get what to do, because I seem to have a psychological understanding of why she might have left, but I can't force her to choose me obviously, so I'm at a loss. I know what her and I had was special, and I have been in no contact with her for a while, but I can't get her out of my mind. I feel like the world is against me being so in love with someone at the age of 20 but I wear my heart on my sleeve and I just know her and I are so good together. I just don't know what to do because I want her and I can't understand why this would happen.

[langedechu]

hi first off i want to thank you for joining this wonderful community. everyone here is supportive and will never judge you, because truly we all understand. breakups are sooooo soosososo tough and I'm really sorry that you're hurt. I've found myself lost in the ways of love as well and have been cheated on, rejected, lead on, catfished, ghosted, blocked, and all sorts of shit so trust me I can relate to what you're going through. sometimes people leave. and it sucks. we always blame ourselves for opening up but truly it's never our fault. my only advice to you is to have someone to work out your feelings with who actually understands and can help instead of running away. if you ever want to talk please pm me or make another post and this great group will never let you down. sending love x

[Panthers20 in reply to langedechu]

I just want to know if I should really wait and see if she comes back or if I should show her all that I believe to understand about her and show her that I get it and that I am still going to love her no matter what. Our connection was electric. That doesn't just change overnight. So what I don't get is why she would downgrade to someone who has no personality and not yet realize how dumb that is?

[FearIsALiar in reply to Panthers20]

Why should you wait? What if she doesn’t end up wanting to be with you? You shouldn’t wait around for someone to make a decision. You’re worth more than that. If she couldn’t choose you the first time then why be with someone who can’t choose you and just know? You will have many more connections in your life. You are only young.

[OneOfAKindMind in reply to Panthers20]

Hi, I’m new here too, but your post made me sign up. It would take too long to go over the crazy, scumbag, life altering relationship fuckery that made me want to kill myself a few times. But I can tell you with 100% certainty that at 20 years old, she’s still thinking about only now, not later. As in, the guy with no personality is interesting now, but won’t be later. And just like you felt an electric connection with her, you will again with someone new. I know no one wants to hear that when going through this, but it really is true. Then you’ll look back and realize that going through that brought you here to this new person. What I did when I couldn’t take my mind off the person that broke my heart was think of something else, anything. For example, I’d be driving on the highway about to cry thinking about it, so I would look up and say out loud what I see around me to change my train of thought even for a few minutes. Like I would say “pigeon” “exit sign” “Ihop” and then my next thought was “oh, yumm. Ihop. Pancakes. I’m so making that when I get home. Do I have everything for it? Ugh, I have to get groceries...” and so on. It’s not a cure, but it helped me get through and I would have never met the great guy I’m with now if I hadn’t gone through those things because I met him at work and I wasn’t even looking for jobs in that area until the breakup. I don’t think not having a lot of friends is really a bad thing. I always had a lot of friends in my teens and early twenties, but as I grew up, I had no time or interest in the drama and nonsense that comes with large groups of friends. My time became more valuable, and only my genuine, closest people (3 best friends and my sister-in-law) are worth it. Another thing I did was read good books or watch really good movies, because I got so interested in the story that I had a few hours of relief. I also told myself I would learn one new thing a day. Anything. For example, my boss and a coworker were talking about investing apps that they use, so I listened and googled while they talked. Started with a low risk app and $20. I can now invest and trade on my own. Or I saw an ad for a new mascara from a company that has programs for disadvantaged women, which led me to research how can I get involved and maybe do some good with this shitty time in my life. Or even something small like reading about murder hornets. Everyday I did or learned something I felt just a tiny bit better and thought to myself, “See? I’m not a loser like this asshole made me feel” Don’t wait for her. Don’t love her anyway. Keep your love for those who deserve it. I don’t know you but there is someone in NJ praying for you and hoping the best for you 💙

[Panthers20 in reply to OneOfAKindMind]

I appreciate that. It means a lot that I made you sign up too. But I am having the hardest time distracting myself from it, especially since I can feel her absence internally as well. :/

[Panthers20 in reply to OneOfAKindMind]

I appreciate your prayers too, it means a lot!

[FearIsALiar]

Welcome to the group! I have the same things along with OCD. I am also going through a breakup. But life goes on and we have to keep pushing through. To move forward you need to focus on YOU. Working on yourself and loving yourself. Pick up a new hobby or learn something new to keep you busy! Heartbreak definitely is the worst pain. I don’t have many friends either or no one to go to about this but my therapist.

Maybe the girl was scared to commit to you? I’m sure it was nothing to do with you. You definitely can’t choose people to want or like you. The only person you have control over is yourself. Don’t get caught up on ONE girl when there are 7 BILLION people in this world and even girls you haven’t even met yet that will cross your path. Definitely stay no contact, reaching out will only hurt you more. I also cannot get my ex out of my mind even as hard as I try to.

When did you guys breakup?

[Panthers20 in reply to FearIsALiar]

I mean I am doing everything I can to try and focus on myself, but it's like no matter what I do, I can't not think of her. The thing is, I think she was scared to commit to me because she may have felt she wasn't worthy of my love or because she had been damaged by her ex before me. But the thing is, I don't care about that. I don't care if she's damaged or scared because I want to be the one to show her that love. I want to be the reason she finds hope again. She was into me like no other and she opened up about some deep stuff literally a day before we broke up, stuff she hadn't told anyone about. That's why I think she ran, because she got scared. Yeah you shouldn't go back to someone who left you but I know her better than she knows herself and I don't want to love anyone else. I'd rather love her and all her broken pieces over anyone who has their life together. She was my literal other half. Our energy matched perfectly. We were perfect for each other. I know they say someone can fake love you but I find that damn near impossible here. Most importantly, even if we aren't together, I miss my best friend. Like I said, we matched each other perfectly. She was my best friend first and foremost and I was hers. I don't understand how she is doing fine without me when she told me herself like a month after the breakup that she missed me and that she missed someone that matched her energy. But I also know that she hates confrontation. No matter how much I hate that she hates it, I also can understand why she would avoid me and not talk to me because she knows she hurt me and she knows she's hooking up with my ex friend. But for me, I have always been the kind of guy that would be like, "Once someone else's dick goes in her, she's not my problem", yet here I am and I could care less about that. I want to continue to be her person because when it was mainly us over the summer without much distraction, I saw a glimpse of who I know she can be. And it was because of me she had those glimpses. But, like I said, love scares people who don't know what it is supposed to be like, especially if they were conditioned to believe it's one way over another from a toxic ex. And that's why I feel like she left, because it was 1 vs. everyone. Everyone saying that you shouldn't be having fights, or to live the college experience, or to drink and party and not be tied down. And I know that is toxic on her part to fall into that but again, I know her, she just needs pushed a little, and no one around her cares enough to push her to be her best self, the version I caught glimpses of, and I'm scared that no one ever will and she will never be loved how she should be. That's why I want to be with her still, because she is so imperfect that it makes her all the more perfect. She was someone that I questioned if I could do better than in the beginning, but then I fell for her because of who she is, the reason you should fall for anyone. And I just feel like I will not be able to love another human being like her, knowing she isn't being loved the way she deserves. It scares me, because she really fucking deserves the world, no matter what people say.We broke up August 23 btw, and not a day goes by where I can't feel her not being there and that I don't think of her.

[FearIsALiar in reply to Panthers20]

I think you are trying too hard to not think about her. Allow those thoughts but let them pass. You don’t have to pay much attention to them but just be aware those thoughts are there and don’t give yourself a hard time for thinking about her.

Also that choice is hers. It says nothing about you! Before you broke up did you tell her how you felt? You can’t force her to love you or to stay with you. If she wants to come back she will. You don’t know if she’s doing fine without you. You haven’t spoke since a month after the breakup from what you’re telling me. She could just be telling you the good parts of how she’s doing. We all struggle but many don’t tell others that. Maybe she isn’t ready for a serious relationship? Clearly she didn’t want to be with you in a SERIOUS committed relationship if she’s hooking up with others.

You need to be your own person for now and work on YOU. Be okay with being on your own.

Let her experience her life and she will figure it out for herself. I know you want her but I think it’s time for you to move on now. You’ll be okay. I know all of that is probably not what you want to hear but I’m only being blunt and trying to help. Keep your head up!

[Bigbrighteyes96]

Hi Panthers20! Welcome here and good to hear about you. I would wait and see, because I truly believe if its meant to be, she will come back to you in time, and if she doesn't then it wasn't written in the stars. You just have to dust yourself off, and keep looking, but you will find someone trust me.

[Survivor102]

hey Panther I really liked your paragraph! I was first diagnosed with ADHD about last week, not even a week ago, and today my grandpa passed away as well, where I am going with this is that life is going to throw you so many rocks so many downhills but you specially you because you have ADHD an all these other "differences" does not make you different, actually it makes special, and its good, did you know ADHD managed well can be a superpower? because we don't think inside the box, we actually sometimes forget there is even a box and hope to not fall. Your anxiety?, it is your way of the kid, you're inner trying to come out and play and that's the ADHD, the depression is probably because you are going through the downsides of it. You are okay though, the world has not been fair to you, and I want you to know that you are not "for a reason I do not know", that is not why you don't friends, it is not your fault I don't have friends either I have a boyfriend who I barely see and a dog who feels like my spiritual animal now, but met me when I wasn't me. What I am trying to say is that hold on to those you have even if its only yourself because let me tell you a secret. A person with ADHD have reality is that we do not need no one, the only person we really do need its ourselves. You can listen to this or you can not, I don't blame you because when I was in your shoes I just wanted to die, I just wanted the pain over, but reality hit and I put back on my ADHD glasses I had thrown in the floor and finally saw clearer. I want you to know I relate to that pain deep because of my ADHD and you will see the light just don't lose hope. Not on her, not on the world, just on yourself