Work and anxiety...

[Secret4706]

Just need to offload I suppose. Sorry for another rant. Its starting to turn into the norm for me and I'm sorry.

I have worked for my employer (a massive gov related org) for 15 years, I work hard and don't take the mick. I had a few weeks off in Sept and Oct as my anxiety was really bad and it would of been physically impossible to go to work. I've been back to work since start of Nov and have been managing fine it's been a welcome distraction and I thought all was okay.

My manager called me today to tell me that the department was concerned about my recent absence and any further absences will go down as a formal warning which could end up going down the dismissal route. This was like a massive shock to me as my manager has never raised any concerns like this or mentioned it in my return to work meeting so I felt very upset. I ended up in tears which is embarrassing pathetic and unprofessional. My manager knows I suffer from extreme health anxiety and panic disorder and claims to suffer anxiety herself but is always so hard on me about it. She told me that if I was going to help myself with counselling and medication what did I expect work to do for me and I don't expect anything at all I never have but I just thought she would understand that I get easily upset and now I'm worried I am going to get sacked. I feel as though I am being penalised as I am not doing what she thinks is best.

She ended the conversation by telling me I was the best performing person on the team last week but think this is me trying to over perform to mask my anxiety and prove I am coping when apparently I am clearly not. I just done my usual job she doesn't understand that the rest of the team are piss takers and hardly do any work yet I do the normal workload and it's still not good enough.

It would be too awkward for me to move to another team or department as I'd feel guilty for upsetting or offending her.

I'm so upset because I feel like I can't do anything right and no matter what I do I'm accused of not coping when my work has never suffered. My past work performance is always over looked and makes me feel undervalued but as long as I get paid it doesn't bother me as I'm so used to it.

I feel like I am now panicking I am going to get sacked or loose my job and won't be able to get another one and support my kids etc.

She had the audacity to send me an email saying as a friend she is worried about me. I didn't reply. She always says I can open up to her and not to keep bottles in but I can't as she is mostly the problem. Well I blame her it's probably all me being too sensitive and pathetic. I understand her point of needing help but I don't want counselling as just because she has done it and it worked for her it doesn't mean it will work for me.

I only admitted to half of the work I done today because I didn't want to be accused of over working. Her problem seems to be that I've been off with anxiety yet came back to work and have slotted back in ok and I think she was expecting my work to suffer and because it hadn't that is another problem.

I can't just simply leave and get a new job it's not that easy and I do like my job. I'm on a team with noone I really know and nothing in common with. She always schedules team meetings and fun days when I don't work (only do 2 days) so I don't really bond with the team.

Thank you for reading x

[hypercat54]

Hi I am in the UK too and used to work as a civil servant in the DWP. I was dismissed after 5 years because of absences due to depression. They don't term it as dismissal for sickness but by not fulfilling my work contract by being at work. They were b*******. If it was because of a one off event ie cancer they were brilliant but if something could recur even like colds or flu, or mental health problems then they had a rule that if you went over 8 (for full time staff) days per annum on a rolling year they could start the possible dismissal procedure.I was on a final written warning and got a severe chest infection (I have copd and they knew it) and went 1 day over and they sacked me. They hated sick people and dismissals were common.

Firstly are you in a union? If so join it and speak to the union rep. Have they sent you to occupational health? Have they made any reasonable adjustments such as a change in work duties, extra sick leave, or extra breaks? If they haven't then they will be breaking the law if they dismiss you. If they have (and they will only do what they can do depending on 'business needs') then you haven't got much chance of getting them.

Having said that it is only a possible scenario and they aren't getting at you particularly but just following their rules. As long as you aren't off again or take too much sick leave then nothing will happen and your job will be safe. Warning you is standard procedure so try not to worry about it. Just keep your wits about you.

[Secret4706 in reply to hypercat54]

Hi thank you for the reply it means alot. I work in a very similar environment to dwp the good old rev so pretty much exact same procedures as dwp. Oc health rang me when I had been admitted to hospital and were very abrupt when I said I was too ill to talk. It was never followed up. Reasonable adjustments have been letting me wfh even tho everybody else is due to covid and reminding me that there is mental health support on the intranet. I already get 3 breaks (I work 10 hour shifts so x2 15min breaks and x1 10 min break) I had been off for 7 weeks and was taking calls after my second day back as nothing had changed so there was no need to not take them if that makes sense. Its easier just to agree then ask for anything because it's perceived as weakness and used against you. I just worry that if I was to get sick like get something which I would have to stay off for say a severe chest infection then that's me gone. I understand they have rules to follow and I don't expect special treatment or anything it's just made my anxiety worse but if I say anything it's thrown back in my face that it's not and I'm being too sensitive. And as I won't ring the work mental health team (as they were rubbish) it's perceived that I'm not willing to help myself. Which I am but just not with what they want.

Thank you again for your reply. Take care