Agoraphobia coming back

[Armyguy]

Can't catch a break, well I can't fully say that, I had a ok year last year, but prior to that I was having SVT (supra ventricular tachycardia) that kept being misdiagnosed as panic attacks until I got a heart monitor. It was causing my anxiety. Then December 2018, I had a small clot lodge in my right lung. After getting me on both a blood thinner and beta blocker I felt almost like my old self.

Now things have came back, odd twinges in my chest, sharp pain that will come and go. Gone to the hospital but they haven't spot anything and with Covid I don't want to go up there. Won't lie it's gotten bad, it's why I'm here. I am sitting in my car after work and sleeping in the ER parking lot because I live over an hour from the hospital, I'm just drained. I go home to grab food and take a shower but then sleep in my car in the hospital parking lot and I have got to stop this. I don't know what to do. Last time this all happened I just got sick of being afraid of it. This place was a great place to come and vent. I don't have people to vent to like this. I been asking why me? Why again? But then I think there are others who have it way worse. I seen a small child who's only 3 diagnosed with cancer and is terminal and all he asked for was a Christmas so then I feel guilty and like a loser for being afraid of this stuff. I guess I just hope it's quick if it happens. I don't want to have the pain, but at the same time I worry about what happens to my family when I go. Will my mom be ok? My nephews and nieces? I don't tell them any of this because I don't want to worry them. I pawned my gun off the other day because I started having the "atleast I have that if it gets too bad route" and I just had to get it away from me. I feel trapped, I'm trapped in these thoughts and I know the longer you stay in them the worse this becomes so I been trying to do everything in my power to over come it. It's exhausting, then to have to go to work on top of it. Worrying if I'm going to have an event at work and have to call in. I can't win right now. Almost too much but I have to keep moving forward. Thanks everyone, just venting. Trying to remember be CBT and panic exposure therapy, I been deliberately doing the things my mind doesn't want me to do so I can kill the anxiety. It doesn't happen over night but it works over time and I know that because I went through it before. That's my only little hope is maybe it will get better and the good days will come back. Just maybe.

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Hi. Happy to hear you vent. I am so very glad that you pawned your gun. I think you're doing a great job handling your situation. Hope you feel better. Thanks.

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Try natural medicine or look into like homeopathy or something?? Talk to homeopathic doctor and try not to worry

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Hey Armyguy...have u read up on "esophageal spasms"??neither did I or know about it.I thought i was having a heart attack.After tons of tests,my heart guy mentioned it.Oddly enough my chiropractor (My miracle worker btw),checked me,said I had it n corrected it n told me eating tips also.Distraction techniques works if ur able to do it to help with feeling "trapped" .

[Agora1]

Armyguy, I just saw your post. The word "Agoraphobia" caught my eye. I had hoped everything was going better for you since you hadn't been on for quite a while. I'm sorry

to hear you are struggling once again. I know you are concerned about your heart but

those odd twinges and sharp pain that come and go, do not sound heart related. It sounds

more like it could be coming from GERDS or Muscular Chest Wall pain.

As for feeling guilty, never do that to yourself. You are not less important than anyone else.

I'm glad that you reached out to us. Why suffer alone. As you see, there are many people who can relate to what you are going through. Support is so important when feeling like

you have no one who understands.

I hate thinking of you sleeping in your car especially with the cold weather coming. You can't possibly be getting a good night's sleep which is important with anxiety. I might never have

slept in the ER parking lot but I do remember those days when I was aware of every hospital

and Fire Department when I was going out. It's a horrible position to be in.

You beat this once and you will beat it again. I have no doubts about that. This is a "boulder"

in the road making it difficult to get to your destination. Think it out. Approach it sensibly.

Don't allow anxiety to lie to you as it is doing right now. This is your life and you are in charge. Talk to this thought that fills you with fear. Is it worth the time and effort it robs you of? Of course not.

Remember all you went through while in the Army. Where is that soldier? Somewhere deep inside you he still exists waiting for your next order. This time it must come from

your mind. Armyguy, let's do this once again. We'll walk the walk and talk the talk with you.

You are never alone... We've got you my friend xx

[Armyguy in reply to Agora1]

Thanks so much I do appreciate it. It started coming back this fall. I don't know it's been rough at times. I am trying to relearn everything.

[Lovingmemore]

I just want to let you know you have a purpose. A new one everyday. Today's was you posting this and me reading it feeling not alone in wanting to sleep in the ER parking lot. I thought I was alone and a special kind anxious but now I know there are more of us. YOU made me feel better! I understand the heart thing completely. Im going thru it right now! I'll be put on a halter monitor next Friday and they will do an echo. The thoughts of there being something wrong consume my thoughts and steal my joy. That isn't ok!! We can do this! Try one night at a time sleeping at home and when the feeling comes do anything you WOULDNT do in an emergency. Color, paint, clean a room, excercise, ect. Eventually you will peice days together with confidence. You've done this before (so have i 3 years ago) we can do this again!!! Good luck and reach out anytime!!