Worsening agoraphobia

[Ragdoll15]

My anxiety and agoraphobia are getting worse even though I try everything to overcome it. I have just been to the supermarket with my daughter and thought I was going to pass out or even die. It used to be so enjoyable going shopping with my daughter but now I just dread it, but also dread being confined to my flat where the walls seem to be closing in on me. Will I ever be free from this?. I feel so guilty giving my daughter all this worry!

[RiderontheStorm]

I know what you are going thru and the answer for me was learn self soothing. I convinced myself that just because I thought it - does not make it true. I felt like I was of two brains and fighting myself, or standing outside of myself if that makes any sense. I carry Ativan for emergencies, but luckily have not had to take any recently. Good luck and cut down on any stimulants like coffee or alcohol and stress if you can.

[Ragdoll15 in reply to RiderontheStorm]

Yes, the mind is very powerful, it can play some ugly tricks on us I know I have to try and overcome what seems equivalent to my worst nightmare, but it's so hard. Glad to hear you are doing well, it does give me hope!

[RiderontheStorm in reply to Ragdoll15]

Good. I am glad I could help. That is what we are all here for.

[deborah27]

Great that you got to supermarket, you didn't pass out or die. That is the bit to try and keep at the forefront of your mind. The positive things, I know it is difficult. We all know that anxiety loves the ' what if ', constantly what if this happens, what if that happens... Then we cope with those thoughts with avoidance. We start avoiding things just in case! There is usually no evidence that anything bad will happen at all but before we know it we are behaving in this irrational way. Have you adult friends or family to support you?

[Ragdoll15 in reply to deborah27]

Thank you. I have my daughter but I fear that she is losing patience with me because it's hard for anyone that has not experienced this to understand how awful it is. Fortunately I have good support from my local church, they have been there for me and helped so much. Suffering with severe anxiety and agoraphobia can be a very lonely place, I have lost so much over the last couple of years, worst of all my freedom!

[Hidden]

I was agoraphobic for ten years. I didn’t leave the house. Please don’t stop trying. It is hard work to overcome it. It took time but now I have a job and even drive. Keep at it. Their will be bad days. I know all this is easier said than done. The most important piece of advice I can give you is avoidance of places and situations will only reinforce the fears. Don’t give in please.

[Ragdoll15 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, you have given me so much hope reading that you conquered this after ten years, you are an inspiration for all suffering with this. I know I must keep going and not give up, even though today was my worst experience so far. I would love to be able to drive my car again and not feel that I have to rely on someone to go out with like an infant. Did you take any medication to help you?

[Hidden in reply to Ragdoll15]

Yes I did take anti anxiety medicine many years ago. I stopped taking them once I became homebound. I do not use anti anxiety medicine but do take an ssri for depression.

[Agoraphobic23 in reply to Hidden]

So you were on anti anxiety meds when the agoraphobia set in? My doctor wants me to take Xanax to get me out if the house but I'm too scared.

[Hidden in reply to Agoraphobic23]

I was on anti anxiety medicine before the agoraphobia set in. They worked well, but eventually I built up a tolerance to them. I didn’t like taking medicine so once they stopped working I stopped taking them. I was on a low dose .5mg. I think you might want to try and see how they work for you. You can always stop taking them.

[Agoraphobic23 in reply to Hidden]

Im so scared to take or change meds. Been housebound for almost 2 years. I take Celexa and Buspar bit scared to take anything or try anything new. I just want to get better without medication.

[Hidden in reply to Agoraphobic23]

I understand. If you want to go for it without the medicine then I would say go for it. The most effective method that worked for me was placing myself into the situations that caused my panic attacks and wait for the attack to stop. What worked for me might not be the best method for you. You need to learn about yourself. See what works for you.

[Agoraphobic23 in reply to Hidden]

It is hopeful knowing that people do get better from this. I've felt pretty helpless the past two years. I went from working daily to not leaving my house. It is awful. I can't be alone either. Scared of the panic attacks and not being able to cope. Our financial situation has really been affected.

[Hidden in reply to Agoraphobic23]

I was agoraphobic from age twenty till I was thirty. I don’t think people who haven’t experienced what we have dealt with can fully appreciate the suffering that occurs. The isolation and loneliness. Give yourself time and keep trying. If you are trying you are moving forward. Even with a set back.

[Agoraphobic23 in reply to Hidden]

Agree! Mine set in after a panic attack on the way to work. (School teacher) I haven't recovered since then. My world shrunk to the size of my house very fast. I wouldn't wish this on anyone and will always have an appreciation for anyone who deals with various degrees of mental illnesses. Were you housebound for all those ten years?

[Hidden in reply to Agoraphobic23]

Yes I was homebound. I lived with my family. I missed three funerals and my twin sisters wedding. I would sleep all day and stay up all night and go to sleep at 7:00 a.m. It was horrible. At that time their was nothing but infomercials on the tv at that hour. So I would watch movies either on VHS or DVD. My dog never left my side. It was like she didn’t want me to be alone. I had her for fifteen years. She even accompanied me as I worked on getting out again. I was fortunate the Internet came along and their were online support groups back in the late 90s.

[Agoraphobic23 in reply to Hidden]

I have a three year old or I would sleep all day. I understand missing important things. I missed my Nannie funeral my husband had to miss his Dad's funeral. We have missed out on vacations, graduations and taking our little guy on adventures. Went from making a healthy income to $0. I was.a person who used to think people chose to not get better. Nope, it is a daily struggle. I'm young and should be working and building my retirement instead I'm praying I get approved for disability. Nobody is immune to this disorder and it can happen so fast. My heart just breaks knowing people are suffering to survive. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I want people to be educated before they make stupid assumations about the disorder. People always tell me to just "snap out of it", "let me kidnap you", "take a xanax", etc. It gets old and tiresome to explain to people.

[Hidden in reply to Agoraphobic23]

I was lucky in that respect. My family was very understanding of my condition. No one would say those things to me. I think it might have been because I had my first panic attack when I was 13. My parents rushed me to the emergency room. So they knew how hard it was for me. I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. Try not to think about what you should be doing. It will only create more negative thoughts. I found living day to day helped me cope. Focusing on the present moment.

[Agoraphobic23 in reply to Hidden]

Yes, I don't understand but I put my Faith in God and have to trust he sees the BIGGER picture. I hope to look back on this season and be thankful for having gone through it. We all fight battles and they make us stronger.

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Same... x

[newbie56]

Dear ward146,

Sorry how you're suffering and dreading things you used to enjoy. Your daughter may or may not understand but many others feel as you do.

My adult son has turned the corner from such fears with the help of a low dose of medication AND what I remind him, that ''feelings are not facts"

Simple, and it could help any with anxiety. Have you considered that?

Reassurance, along with prayer, has given relief to my son.

This forum is helpful because many understand this stressful condition.

Please keep in touch !

Agape, Friend

[Ragdoll15 in reply to newbie56]

Thank you. It certainly helps knowing I am not alone because when you are out somewhere and start feeling these fears it does feel like you are the only one on the planet experiencing this nightmare. It's reassuring to hear that people like your son have conquered this or are improving, well done to him I hope he will continue improving. I agree that reassurance and prayers are needed at times like this.

It's also helpful to have lovely people on this forum to give help and reassurance to us!

[hypercat54]

Hi my eldest sister has suffered from agoraphobia for many years but did manage with the help of a social worker to get out and about for a while too though she never went very far and only places she knew well.

The trouble with agoraphobia is that it not only encompasses the fear or being outside but eventually also the fear of inside your home, and zenophobia too. Can you get one of your church friends to go out with you? Only short walks and maybe not as far as the supermarket but just down the road until you get more used to it?

You do need to persevere as my sister didn't and is now trapped at home and can just about manage to scurry to the shop across her road then rushes back in a panic. Someone on here once told me to feel the fear but do it anyway. Good advice. x

[Ragdoll15]

I did start going for short walks with a friend but over the last couple of weeks my anxiety seems to have got worse. Usually I don't let anything get the better of me so am still trying so hard to overcome this. So sorry about your sister finding things so difficult, at least it's good that she is still going to the shop even though it's so hard for her. It's such an irrational fear because if something awful is going to happen in effect it could happen anywhere. It's just convincing your mind this.

[newbie56 in reply to Ragdoll15]

My friend,

You use the word irrational and my son admits it's that also. The definition of that word is unreasonable, illogical, groundless, baseless, unfounded, unjustifiable, unsound; absurd, ridiculous, ludicrous, and many more ...but it seems so real.

Fear is the basis of many injurious things. We actually injure our relationships, social life and our self esteem.

But as others have said, it doesn't have to continue forever. Take courage, take those baby steps, feel free to live as God meant us to. Happiness will follow.

Agape

[Ragdoll15 in reply to newbie56]

All those definitions puts it into perspective, Just have to remind myself of them. I will make a note of them all. Thank you.

[Agora1]

ward146, Agoraphobia, a word I had never fully understood until I spent

5 years of my life locked in my own home. It's true that the unreasonable

fear goes further than being outside, eventually it takes over your life. Fear of fear.

Working on your issues of what the root of this fear is.. Finding alternative tools

in dealing with the fear besides medication, therapy and needing someone with you

all the time.

It doesn't happen overnight, but agoraphobia does not have to be a lifetime sentence.

I was determined to find the key in unlocking this fear. It's different for all of us.

For myself, it was about "deep breathing" and still is. I practice it throughout each

day and night. It is now an automatic response in fully taking in a deep breath and

releasing it slowly. It's the exhalation of your breath that changes the chemistry in

your body and mind. What's great is that no one can see you doing this, it's free with

no side effects and most of all, it works.

Taking baby steps in going forward will still get you to your destination. I have been

free for over 7 years now. I drive, I go to stores by myself. My partner is my deep breathing. I can do anything I want now. The longer this positive approach goes on

the longer fear is gone. Don't lose faith in that you will never be able to reach your

goal. PM me anytime and I will reinforce your beliefs in yourself. Go forward Warrior xx

[Minnie87 in reply to Agora1]

❤️❤️❤️

[Agora1 in reply to Minnie87]

Hi Minnie x

How are things going for you?

Whenever I see your name, know that I'm giving you a

big smile back and wishing you well. xx

[Minnie87 in reply to Agora1]

Hi my lovely agora.i will send you a private message in the morning.its late here and am just about to go to bed as I have my cbt tomorrow.

Will message you after.

Hope you are okay xxxxx

[Ragdoll15]

Yes, I think there is a root cause, there definitely was one for me. I just have to come to terms with the past and work through this. Deep breathing has been difficult as I can't seem to ever relax, but I will definitely work on this as medication seems to make me worse. Thank you for your encouraging words, it does help knowing others have gone through this and have got their lives back again. Thank you so much, it's nice to know there is help when I need it x

[Agora1 in reply to Ragdoll15]

ward, don't give up on the deep breathing. Once you take hold of it, you

will start to feel more relaxed. My "go to" is You Tube. They have some

great breathing meditation videos using calming voices and pictures. Give

it a try you have nothing to lose but your anxiety xx

[Ragdoll15 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you, will try this x

[Jeff1943]

Ward, Yes, understanding and reassurance will make you free.

When we experience anxiety our mind senses it and tries to help. But not always in a helpful way. Our mind senses anxiety so it wants us to return to the perceived safety of our home. And it wants us to stay there to avoid the 'dangers' it presumes are lurking outside.

This process is atavistic, it's been going on for thousands of years. Dinosaurs are on the rampage so best retire to the safety of your cave and stay there. But of course, for the overwhelming majority of agoraphobics there are no dangers to fear outsides. The dinosaurs have all gone away. It's safe to come out.

O.K. so now you understand why you are agoraphobic.

If you decided to go for a long walk tomorrow you will be in no danger. The chances of being robbed, attacked or run over by a car are so infinitely small as not to be worth worrying about. But because you have anxiety disorder your over sensitive nervous system makes every theoretical danger seem ten times more likely.

Tomorrow leave the mythical 'safety' of your home and go for a long walk. But don't go hoping to be free of the bad feeling, go knowing that your legs will feel like jelly and accept (for the moment) the bad feelings. Don't just put up with the bad feeling, accept them completely.

Open your door and imagine yourself floating along the pavement/sidewalk propelled by some invisible source. Practice doing it - but you must accept your panicky feelings utterly. Jelly legs will always get you there and back. You didn't pass out or die in that supermarket did you? Nor will you ever.

So don't wish away your panicky feelings, agree to co-exist with them for the moment. Practice taking a walk as long or short as you like. Once you've done it a few times, you lose your fear of it. And it's fear that feeds your anxiety thus keeping you nerves in a state of senstivity.

Reclaim the Great Outdoors. No harm will come to you I promise. You will be in no danger. You will not faint and cause a fuss. Buy a bar of your favourite chocolate and go sit in a park and admire the beauty of the flowers and trees while you eat it.

Ward, do what you fear and the death of fear is assured!

[Ragdoll15]

Thank you for your encouragement. I know this is what I should do I suppose the more you fear something the more you fuel the anxiety. One of the worst feelings when I go outside is derealisation which is new to me and really scares me. The trouble is the feeling of "safety in your home" becomes your self made prison!