If you’re in a relationship, and your partner wants you to do something you aren’t comfortable with but you’re obligated, should you do it?

[Chocoholic_18_x]

I know,coming from me, this is a weird question as I have never been in a relationship, but it’s just something that has been bothering me for the last while. And I’ll tell you why:

Even though I haven’t had a relationship, my friends have, and one of them in particular is very open about what she does with her boyfriend sexually. And there were certain things she told me that made me feel some pressure/anxiety for when I, at some point, get a relationship. Not to get too rude on here, I’ll try to keep it as clean as possible... but she was saying that they give oral to each other, and DeepTh***ting etc.

Now, before you judge me, I’m not a prude when it comes to intercourse, and I do know a lot about it too. And all sexual adventures I’m completely open to. But giving oral (or even receiving it) is the only one I’m not comfortable with. Hopefully I’m not the only one, but the thought of having someone’s genitals in your mouth personally doesn’t seem like a nice experience. There’s a few reasons I’m not a fan. Firstly, it’s just not something I would enjoy. Especially with STDs and different types of cancer you can receive from oral. Secondly, I feel like if I did it, my self worth and self respect would go down, not that I don’t respect myself, but maybe the other person wouldn’t respect me the same way anymore. Obviously many people feel differently about it, even my friend says she loves giving it to him. And obviously I know a lot of guys enjoy receiving it. This is where my anxiety comes in. There has been plenty of occasions where I’ve witnessed/heard/read about men saying they would break up with they’re girlfriend for not giving him oral. In my opinion, I think that’s a very stupid excuse to end a relationship. But if they would really end a relationship for that reason, I almost feel like I’m forced/obligated to do it, and I don’t think I should feel that way because I know I’m an awesome person and I have many qualities that outweigh that. When the time comes and I do get a boyfriend, I wouldn’t want him to pressure me into doing something I’m not comfortable with, and like me for who I am. And vice versa

Lol I’m sorry for this very personal question, I just felt like I needed to get it off my chest. Even though I’m not in a relationship and I don’t need to worry about this at the moment but I guess I’m just worrying about the future😂 But I would like to know your opinions on this?

[Reading_Rando]

You should never do anything you not completely comfortable with. You have a right to set whatever boundries you need to with people to feel safe in this world.

If they dont respect your boundries or they if they reject you becuase you create boundries with them, they probably dont actually care about you or your feelings.

Also calling someone a prude is a kind of gaslighting which is bassicaly trying to tell someone that their feelings matter more than yours.

[Elle_Luv in reply to Reading_Rando]

Totally second this!! A healthy relationship/ sexuality. Has to have communication, and don’t be afraid to enforce those boundaries! They are 1000% valid. If a partner is going to push those boundaries, don’t even give them the time of day. That is not okay. A healthy partner will respect your boundaries. And the right person will be worth your time and you will be a lot happier!

[Hidden]

Firstly, you should NEVER do anything that you are not comfortable doing in any relationship, if they break up with you because you won’t do something then they are immature and don’t deserve to be in a mature relationship. Anyone forcing you or manipulating you to do something be it sexual or not is against the law. You have every right to refuse to do something you don’t like, just because others do it or like it doesn’t mean you have to do it too.

Secondly, it’s is perfectly ok to experiment in a happy, trusting relationship. A lot of people enjoy making their partner happy which then leads to maybe you enjoying giving that pleasure, but NOT at the expense of making you uncomfortable or unhappy.

Thirdly, everyone likes different things and sex is not everything in a relationship. When you are young it’s made to be this huge thing and there are so many pressures around sex. Sex is wonderful when it’s with the right person that you feel comfortable, happy, trust and love them, so wait until that person comes along and it will be worth it. The right person will never make you feel unworthy or degraded.

[Hidden]

I would have to say that the girl that brags about it has issues that she is ashamed of. This is her way of making her look "cool" to her friends. Being a guy I just want things to be natural kind if love. I don't need all the "extras" to want to keep a great woman. It's sounds you are very mature for someone your age and don't want the gimmicks that go along with it. Don't stoop to someone else's wants and keep being who you are. It's kind if nice to hear somebody has morals and understanding of the consequences that could happen. Besides all this "extras" could label you as "easy". Don't think you'd need that kind of attention.

[Cellardoor]

"To thine own self, be true." (from Shakespeare's Hamlet)

[Sleeplessme]

Have another look at the question you asked, your heading, there's a word there that shouldn't be there. Obligated. Being in a relationship these days doesn't obligate you to do anything. So no, you shouldn't do it.

Oral is a personal choice, and honestly, not all men enjoy it either. It's no different to anything in life that you like or dislike. It's just another part of compatibility.

It's no different to smoking. If you don't smoke, but meet someone that does, it's up to you whether or not you want to pursue that relationship. But you are not obligated to start smoking yourself. If that person got angry and ended the relationship because you wouldn't smoke, would it make you feel bad? Or would you just think that you're better off without them?