cancer caregiver

[moowife]

My husband's cancer has returned. Treatment has not started yet but should be within the month. I am juggling work and his appointments which are numerous. Most everyone abandoned us when he was first diagnosed. There is no one to help so I have to do it all. I have a lot more anxiety this time than I did the first time. Treatment will be harder than the first time. He will have swallowing problems and may even have to have a feeding tube. I have cancer related stress and I have work stress. I have a team and one of the people on the team is a non performer. He is uncooperative and stubborn. He doesn't do the tasks assigned to him. my hands are tied because I am not a supervisor. I need to reduce my stress so I explained that I have cancer related stress and work stress. I asked that the non performer be removed from the team. He was but now a supervisor is angry with me.

[Hidden]

I wish him luck with his treatment. Any terminal illness is stressful. My mom is a breast cancer survivor and my sister-in-law has leukaemia. It is very hard. Are you part of a support group for spouses of those with terminal illnesses? Bless you for taking care of him! I went up to take care of my mom for a couple weeks when she was fairly new into her diagnosis. It was not easy!

As for your supervisor being angry with you: has he/she told you that they are angry with you?

[Freakinout3]

I know stress... I sometimes wish my stress would do me in, so I can rest in peace... I just accept the stress, and try not to fight it... I sometimes get ill... But I believe illness has it's own purpose, so I let it run it's course naturally as I take care of my basic needs, food, self care, hygiene, moderate drinking, listening to inspiring music, and relaxation... I try to eat foods that aren't necessarily healthy, but most likely appetizing....during these crisis... The best medicine is love and laughter, but to me that is unavailable... So I surrender my life to fate...

[RoseyViolet]

Moowife, ahhh... I feel your pain, stress, anxiety and suffering. You are carrying a load you were never created to carry. I walked through these past 7.5 years alongside my sister who just passed away 5 months ago from cancer. The "new normal" you have to adopt is cruel and like trudging toward more uncertain moments ahead. I understand how you can be feeling as you face the second round.

However, as the caretaker, you MUST carve out healthy times for yourself. Whether that is stealing away for a quick coffee break, reading a book that feeds your soul for 15 mins on a lunch break, a massage, a chat with a good friend... etc... As for anyone getting mad at you at work, you have to learn to prioritize people, things and life when you are going through such life changing events in your personal life. These things will happen, you can't please everyone and the decisions you make aren't always going to please others. You did/said what you said for the good of the team, period. Let the "fluff" go because it causes harm to let it linger and make you feel badly for doing the right thing. Rest easy in that. You need all the soul food you can get right now, don't give in to soul suckers, that drains the energy from you. Your husband is very blessed to have you standing beside him. Stay strong Friend! Take care of YOU.

[moowife]

He is not terminal. He will be receiving treatment soon and doc expect him to go into remission.