I dont know what to do. I am very happily married with 2 boys and a girl. Youngest is 16 years old. I have been best friends with a young man for about a year and a half. My husband and I treat him just like one of our kids. We have offered him a bedroom at our house, he used our car for several months, we mentor him, we love him we do everything we can for him. He was looking for a mom and dad figure and I was looking for a true friend. We would talk about everything. We never judged each other. He has a girlfriend and he likes her but he is still in love with his ex. He lost his daughter at birth 3 years ago at the age of 18. He just lost his cousin who was like a brother to him due to an overdose. His mom is a drug addict and he has a little bother and sister. He lives with his grandparents. His girlfriend is living with us while her moms house is being built.
2 days ago I texted him and asked him if he could help me the next day on a project I was doing. He said that he doesn't mind helping me. I asked him if he could spend the night so that we could start early the next day. From what his girlfriend told me- he changed from night and day. He punched his computer screen in, he broke his keyboard, and was yelling that he didnt want to spend the day at my house.
I have 5 dogs which is a lot but they are my family. He is always telling me that he hates my dogs. That they disgust him. He wont eat anything that I make, he is always telling me that if he lived here he would clean my house ( I work my butt off on this house trying to make it nice).
Friends in the past would always end up really hurting me emotionally. I literally lived completely in my house so that no one would see him. It took over 2 years to finally come out. I opened my home to him and his girlfriend, I lent him my car, I gave him my love unconditionally. He was part of my family. Then his girlfriend started telling me things that he would say about my house and family. She also told me that even tho he wouldnt want to come over but would due to respect for me. I am soooo hurt and humiliated. I feel lost. I don't understand. Ever since my mom died last year we have talked everyday. We have so much fun together. It was like we were two peas in a pod. I thought I could tell him anything but come to find out that he would tell his girlfriend. I thought our friendship was special. His brothers bday came and he didnt get a gift. I have a brand new electric skateboard but I havent been able to find the switch you hold on to. Well, today I found it and texted him hours ago that I found it and that I would get it back into the box for him. I also have a really nice dollhouse with all the accessories in the attic for his sister if he wants it. He won't answer me. What should i do?
Written by
SweetStomach
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
You know what? I really dont know if Im in a happy marriage anymore. My husband works 6 days a week, he is always extremely stressed, doesn't want to do anything when he is home except to drink his beer and do his fantasy football. I'm a housewife and the last thing I want to do is stay at home all the time. We have 2 children that have bipolar disorder and in the past 18 months between the 2 of them they have been hospitalized 5 times this year. It has been so stressful and scary. We feel like we are on borrowed time with our oldest.
When I would hang out with my friend it was like an escape. We would go shopping and get starbucks and just talk. Something my husband doesnt do.
What I really want is to get out of Texas after our daughter graduates high school (2 1/2 yrs) and have my husband change careers. He wants it too. Its really hard to watch him be so miserable.
I'm sorry you're husband is in such a stressful job that makes him so miserable. This doesn't mean that you don't have a good marriage.
Maybe, now that you're going to be around more, you can offer a listening ear to your husband.? Hopefully, things will slowly improve.
Sorry to hear about your children's health. Yes, you've had a very scarey and stressful year. But you're coming through it ? Is their health improving ? Stablelising?
What do you mean by - you 'think you are on borrowed time with your oldest'?
My son has tried to commit suicide 3 times in 18 months. He has bipolar disorder with psychosis. He left to go back to his college a few weeks ago. I feel like I am on borrowed time like at any moment I'm going to get a phone call saying that he has succeeded. I will be downstairs in my bathroom and my daughters bedroom is right above and I'll hear a thump on the floor upstairs in her room and I will think the worst. My therapist says that time will make me feel better about everything. They have stabilized which is wonderful but I am still petrified.
My mom was my absolute best friend (besides my husband). We did EVERYTHING together. We have always lived real close to each other. For 3 years I watched her die of colon cancer. She died in 2019. Before she died I started sleeping and sleeping and sleeping. On many days I would only get out of bed to eat and use the restroom. I have been lost without her. Then I met Anthony. He was someone that I could hang out with that wasnt dealing with grief. I could talk about my mom and relive stories while telling him. He took me to his house to meet his family on Mothers day to keep me occupied. My mom and I would go to this really special antiques store all the time. It was our store. When she died I couldn't bare to go in there. When I was ready, Anthony went with me. Everyone in my family were busy with their own lives and I was REALLY REALLY lonely. Anthony came along and took some of the pain away. He had me thinking about all the good times I had with my mom. Not her death. I FINALLY found a friend that likes doing the same things as I do. He was like a fresh breath of air.
Wow, this all sounds so stressful. And you sound like an extremely caring, considerate person. I wonder if his girlfriend is telling the truth? If she is I would distance myself from that man. Keep posting here when you want to vent.
I confronted him with everything and he didn't deny it. There is one thing that I keep going over in my mind. His girlfriend specifically told me that he started talking about our relationship and she shut the topic down, but in his text he told me that all he did was talk about our relationship and how much he loves everyone in my family. That we mean everything to him. If thats the case why is he turning his back on my family. I knew going in that he has been hurt a lot from his mom and dad and that he was given to his grandparents to raise him. All he wanted was a family of his own and we became that for him. I know that he really stinks at showing his love and I know that he is very immature for his age. I am ok with that, but to have said what he said about us and how he reacted to me asking him for help, I don't know how to deal with that. I feel like I have lost a son.
You seem like such a compassionate person. Unfortunately, in a selfish and dysfunctional world, compassion and grace is not always recognised or rewarded. I suppose the sensible thing to do would be to distance yourself. If you wanted to be super nice you could just partially distance yourself.
Does not sound like a very good friend taking advantage of kindness
Sounds like you invested quite a bit of emotional and mental energy in a young man that you thought was bringing you companionship. You’ve got your hands full with your kids and a husband that isn’t very tentative like you would have him be. Like the above stated, this young man gave you an outlet to escape.
He’s what 21-22? This young man took advantage of a situation that was offered to him. Your personal needs caused you to look at him with a different set of lenses otherwise you would have seen he was taking advantage of your kindness.
I don’t have good advice you are looking for, mine is to cut ties and move on. He’s young, he has an entire lifetime ahead of him compared to yours and mine age (I’m 53), he’ll be moving on in his life, you’ll be left with yours so I personally can’t see anything like this being sustaining and long term. Wishing you the best.
I've recently gone through realizing a friendship of mine wasn't as special as I thought. I know it hurts right now but it gets better. He could be going through something on his own that you don't know about. I decided to just give my friend some space and it's been almost a month but I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't have as much respect for me as I have for them. Maybe it will open up a space for someone new to come in. Stay strong. You sound like a really giving and caring person.
It's hard to let people get close to me. I always get hurt. I was a true friend. I never judged him. I loved him for who he was I thought that he felt the same towards me and my family. I feel like I have been blindsided, kicked to the curb. I broke down this morning and texted him. I said, "Look- you are part of my family and our relationship means the world to me. Can we talk?" He hasn't texted back. Then I realized after talking to my husband that my relationship with Anthony was really coming in between my husband and I. Instead of going to him to talk about whats going on in my life I went to Anthony. Its like I emotionally ditched my husband. Its hard tho because my husband has been in the thick of all this just like I have been. He and I have both been so worn down, physically, emotionally, and mentally. We are both beaten down. It was so nice to have friend that I could help and mentor. He wasn't bogded down with lifes stresses yet. I feel like crawling back into bed and sleeping the day away. BUT, I'm not going to do that.
I started out weighing 246 lbs a month ago. I quit all sugar except for fruit and I have lost 18 lbs. I walk instead of drive to the store (3 miles round trip) everyday, I bought and have started riding my bike, and staying busy cleaning out all the junk from my house. I used to be a horrific shopaholic and I have quit that too.
I know I need to let him go its just hard. Especially since his girlfriend is living in our house for the next 3 weeks. Time heals all wounds. Right? Sometimes I don't like time.
It sounds like this might be all for the best if it was coming between you and your husband and you didn't realize it. Seems like you'll have to see him if his girlfriend is staying with you. Maybe he's embarrassed that his girlfriend is staying with you.
Congratulations on all the healthy habits you've started that is just awesome. Youare really taking charge of your health. Maybe you can use this time to focus more on your family and all these great positive changes you're making. Yes time does heal you I was really upset the first week now month later does not really bother me that much at all. Hang in there
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
I don't really know what to do
I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do 
I don’t know what to do! 
