Has anyone ever lived with the knowledge they did not love their mother.

[texasbonnet]

A friend's mother just died. What my friend did for her as she passed was just beautiful and loving. When I heard what she had done, I felt robbed and then mad. My relationship with my mother was not close, was not comforting and was not loving. I have done therapy on this issue since about 1987. I thought I had totally accepted that I had been robbed but my friend's actions toward her mother has triggered feelings of guilt and regret for how I handled this issue. In my mind, I am hoping that after death my mother was able to understand why she was the way she was and that when we meet after I die I will receive the love and affection I needed as a child and as an adult. I also hope to see myself accepting the love and affection without anger.

[Hidden]

Hi - Something frequently bothering me is even though my mom overwhelmingly Loved me, I have a lot of really bad memories due to her emotional illness they said is bipolar and serious alcoholism..

I don't know how to get past these so many bad memories. Every time I think of things I get even more angry and bitter than before. Instead of getting better I'm getting worse. I think she is in Heaven very upset that I think this way, when she did such a truly great job with all our physical needs for 5 kids.

Her father was a wonderful man but did commit suicide. This caused her to have a major nervous breakdown - shock treatments and everything..

Her mom was emotionally inattentive also..

I wish I could forget the things I'm upset about and only think of all the good things she did, like Huge Christmases and endless Gourmet meals..

I'm sorry mom in Heaven.. I don't know right now how to stop remembering every little hurtful thing like I do all the time !!

Oh well, that's the story of my mom...

Chris

👸

[texasbonnet in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your feedback and for sharing some of your experiences. I think if my mom could have acknowledge her shortcomings and have treated me as the sweet child I was, I think or at least hope I could have loved her.

Alcoholism is just the worst disease in the world. My X developed it and I have one son who is also affected. He keeps trying and I pray he can achieve sobriety. He had for many years of sobriety but decided to drink again. My X did stop drinking after 22 years of marriage.

I am sorry you had to suffer as a child. A child suffering is so unjust. I hope you can have better days ahead.

[Hidden]

Hi texasbonnet

I feel for you! I also have moments like this when situations crop up like the one you describe. Observing how other mother/daughter relationships could be. It's very sad. It's painful when I fully realise how unloving my mother was towards me but it was safer for me to distance myself from her than keep trying to get the love I wanted but could never have. In the end I've sort of accepted it was about my survival to take the stance I did surrounding her own death. I was lucky in that my own family supported me and understood it was the best thing for me. (to want nothing to do with her) However painful I have no regrets. It wasn't safe for me to be that loving daughter I wish I could have been - any attempt made me too vulnerable and I kept getting hurt time and time again.

To be honest even if we meet in heaven (I don't think she'll be there!) I think she'd still have a go at me.

Having said that I often get reminders of what I missed out on, I try not to compare but it's difficult.....my sympathies to you.

[texasbonnet in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your validation. It is truly the most hurtful and sad experience ever. I hope you have found ways to nurture yourself. I can do it sometimes, but I really need to work on it.

[Hidden in reply to texasbonnet]

You're welcome, having children has been healing I think.

It is tough though because my daughter-in-law has a very loving relationship with her mother and gran, so I hear constantly in great detail how well they all get on. Oh well

[Hidden]

I’m in therapy, not specifically for this topic but it has come up. I know my mom loved me but I have memories of not getting what I needed from her as a child. My therapist suggested that I needed to be a parent to my “inner child”. I know that sounds like a lot of psycho-babble but I read some research about it and it seems to be valid. I think I’m going to have her suggest a book that I can read to help me do what will help me feel better. Maybe it would help you to.