Sick of myself

[mollykay70]

I have some very close friends that I feel very fortunate to have. Lately, I’ve become paranoid that they are sick of hearing me complain about my problems or how I’m feeling. I never used to worry about that. The last few years have been really difficult for me and I’m feeling judged for how I’ve handled my situation. I feel like so much of where I am at today is my fault. That I let myself get this overweight and depressed. I have let my house and my finances become a huge mess. I’m so ashamed, so I don’t tell everyone anymore all of the issues I’m having. I am alone. I am on the verge of tears all of the time. Have no energy to take care of the things I need to take care of. I’ve neglected my family and friends. No one calls me or messages me except my mom. But I don’t want to worry her. I just don’t feel like I have much to live for. I don’t see a future.

[Hb2003]

I’m sorry that your feeling that way hope you get better soon

[Dreamer27]

Hi Molly,

I'm so sorry to hear you feel this way. My advice for you would be to talk to someone about this, preferably a professional or your mom. Or continue using this platform. People here are good listeners. I think when people tell their friends about problems, you have to be careful because it can carry weight for them. I had a friend like that who ONLY talked about their problems and insecurities and it became too much. Don't not tell them anything. Friendship is about giving and taking. If you're not giving parts of yourself, then they're likely do the same to you.

[mollykay70 in reply to Dreamer27]

Your right. I need to go back to my therapist. I think your also right that my friends just don’t know what to do anymore when it comes to my problems.

[Dreamer27 in reply to mollykay70]

They can listen and will be your friend. But sometimes, what we need cannot be provided from our friends, but by therapists who are better at understanding and listening to your needs. Best wishes to you.

[kvolm2016]

Hey mollykay, I'm sorry to hear that you are in this low place emotionally. You are wise to value the friendships that you have and to be mindful of not overburdening them since everyone is dealing with an extra dose of worries during our pandemic life these days.

Have you had a chance to see a medical doctor recently to talk about the physical components of life? The weight gain, the lack of energy, the depression all have physical components to them.

And then what about talking with a counselor for the mental health components that you mention. Is that something you are doing or would be willing to do? We all need someone to talk to for help in working through the emotional challenges that we all face.

[mollykay70 in reply to kvolm2016]

I have been to the doctor recently and was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes which part of why I’m so down. I know that my vitamin D was also low and I’m taking extra high dose to get it up to normal. I had a stress test on Tuesday on my heart and waiting for results.

I am probably also going through sugar withdrawals. I use food to cope and I’m trying not to do that anymore and I think that adding to my increased anxiety. I’m not able to numb myself with food like I was.

[kvolm2016 in reply to mollykay70]

Well all this new information about your physical health will make such a difference in how you feel once you get on the right track with medication and nutrition. Working with an endocrinologist for your diabetes will really help you learn to manage your diabetes well. And are you able to get help from a nutrition specialist through your medical plan? There truly are so many food options for diabetics now so it is not as bad as it might seem. Yes, it is one more thing to have to deal with every day but you'll get the hang of it. So what coping strategy are you using now instead of food?

[mollykay70 in reply to kvolm2016]

I am fortunate to have decent heath insurance so I have a dietician that I’m meeting with. I haven’t been using other strategies really. I know them all and can suggest things for other people but I’m terrible at taking my own advice. I need to start meditation again.

[kvolm2016 in reply to mollykay70]

Knowing all the strategies is a great place to start! Would it help you if you asked a friend/family member to hold you accountable for using whichever strategy you want to implement? I know that helps me to be more disciplined about doing something if I have told someone I'm doing it and invited them to ask me about how I'm doing with it. A little bit of self-inflicted pressure so to speak.

[Hidden]

Hey you’re not alone at all. I’m with you on that.

I relate on so many levels.

I’ve learned, no matter what way it’s looked it. It is what it is.

You’re either looking at things with “delusion” or others are making you think “delusional”. It’s such a mind fuck.

But another thing that I learned right after is that, that’s a trap. That’s a point where you must stop and think, what the fuck lol. Laugh about it, yell about it, whatever you have to do to get it out of your head and body and get the right amount of energy to do what you need to do.

It’s a tough thing to get out of. I know. Shame is a true killer. Don’t let it get you.

It’s important to remember that, it’s not that other don’t want to listen or be there for you. But they also have lesser/equal/more of the same problems as you.

Some people are just more familiar at coping with theirs. But it’s the thought of that, that removes the shame and guilt and loneliness. You’re definitely not alone.

You’re awesome, you belong here, you matter and have lots of worth. Keep on rocking 🙌😀

Much love. Stay strong and stay safe