Your two cents please?: Hi. I've been... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Your two cents please?

Myre
Myre

Hi. I've been writing since age seven but haven't written in the last two years; a mere two paragraphs describing something as simple as a cup is too much for me yet alone including my emotions. Writing has always been important, many of my works are personal. Imagine being terrified to express myself by the one means that I could be truly honest. Is there anyone else like me? I need help,writing was my only companion through the years when I had no one to speak to; when I became depressed, it was the first thing I realized I wasn't able to do anymore.

19 Replies
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Hi

I don't write however I'm truly getting back into my artwork. I've been drawing & doing watercolor painting since I was 10. Many years ago. I've picked up my supplies and tried. Tough. I understand. Now I'm getting back into watercolor painting slowly.

It's tough I understand. It was my outlet then many things happened during my college days and focusing on too many things plus being diagnosed with depression was too much. I'm home on disability and I have my dogs and am ready but scared. So it's a little at a time. One day at a time.

Hugs 🤗

Xx

Myre
Myre in reply to Luna_Child

Painting is a skill I am looking into, I even got a bunch of YouTube videos for novices downloaded. The talent does suit you, am glad you are getting back into it. Your energy and self expression is visible from this end, I hope you get the to make the most of it in your paintings.

Depression is quite the bully, it's relentless and terribly unfair. It's never easy but your kind responses make it easier for everyone. Much appreciated Luna, you are a sweetheart. Hugs and kisses right back at ya.

Luna_Child
Luna_Child in reply to Myre

Tell me..it's awful. Still feeling it from yesterday.

Myre
Myre in reply to Luna_Child

What happened yesterday?

Luna_Child
Luna_Child in reply to Myre

Depression whacked me on the head

Hi Myre, it will come back to you when the time is right.

I started with poetry in expressing my emotions. :) xx

Myre
Myre in reply to Agora1

Can only hope so, thanks agora.😔❤️

Hi Myre, I had a similar experience with my music. I play the piano regularly as a means of expression. For a while, depression took all the joy out of playing and I didn't even want to look at the piano.

I think it's a temporary thing; eventually you will find inspiration and start writing again.

All the best.

Myre
Myre in reply to Phil-4-13

Phil, How are you doing today? Thanks for forgiving my little indiscretion back then. I always appreciate your replies.

You know I don't know of anyone that could play the piano besides you right now, not a lot of value is placed on artistic expression that isn't cultural talent in my homeland. I am in awe. Myself, I would love to learn to play an instrument but I doubt I could at this point.

Depression is a malevolent force, stripping us of all things that makes life wondrous. I believe that every human is a distinction, unique and unrivalled in our own way. Blinding us to the beauty within our own essence is the greatest blow that can be dealt to man. A famous quote reads; the only way to conquer a man's spirit and achieve his defeat is by breaking his mind. I am trying to convince myself that the emptiness and near complete lack of inspiration is no more a result of an invasive condition but it's often hard to look onto the brighter side.

Thanks again, wishing you all the best. Hugs and kisses❤️

Phil-4-13
Phil-4-13 in reply to Myre

Doing well today thanks! And there’s nothing to forgive... at least I don’t remember anything! 🙂 Did I miss something? 🙃

Yes that’s one way to see depression. You have thought about things deeply and express yourself profoundly.

But, true to my habit of presenting another point of view,... (please let me know if that habit starts to get annoying!) Over the course of a very difficult year, since becoming more aware of depression, how widespread it is, how overwhelming it can be; I have been thinking about how suffering can deepen the understanding, the appreciation, and the creative ability of a person. It’s been said that great art comes from great pain, also that you can’t achieve great things without suffering great things. I’m not saying that everyone who experiences depression will one day become a great artist, but for those who are already gifted with that talent and love their art, maybe the time lost to depression is not a total loss.

There is still a bright side waiting to be found! One of these days the sun will come out. Sending hugs and best wishes!

Myre
Myre in reply to Phil-4-13

Sigh. What a relief, I thought I may have offended you someway by not responding to our previous correspondence. Nerves had me making a big deal out of it.

I have read a bit about tortured artists. The famed sort, the pioneers of the Renaissance, the ones who set artistic expression as it is today into orbit. There's a sterotype about this though one that usually arises in stories; that the emotionally and mentally disturbed and conditionally low individuals are found to be artistically inclined. I guess this is something somewhat considered a cliche, people scoff at the meaning when they haven't experienced the pain, find it hard to view things from that angle and on that note your perspective is always a breath of fresh air. It proves that you are someone who has lived through the tremors, having the picture flipped a few times.

I believe that all the self doubt while uncomfortable causes us to question which in turn causes us to seek out knowledge. A lot of it from within cos depression is more than a coincidence, it's a reaction. Your perspective is absolutely true, there is experience and knowledge in the struggle. As they say, no pain, no gain and we know better don't we; how much there is to appreciate, how much there remains to gain.

Phil-4-13
Phil-4-13 in reply to Myre

No worries, don’t feel like you always have to respond! Not at all.

There tend to be big gaps between the times when I feel able to carry on a conversation! Oftentimes social hangover/ exhaustion leaves me me unable to respond or communicate at all with my friends and family even via text.

You are right, it is a cliche that often invites ridicule. But yes, look at almost any of the “Greats,” the pattern emerges. Tortured minds producing art that amazes the world. Beethoven is a prime example. And how much more I enjoy his music now than I ever did before! After you have been in the darkness for a lengthy period, you have an increased appreciation for the light and for the beauty it reveals.

I really enjoy your writing style! I hope while you are in school you have the opportunity to do some writing courses, or find a mentor who can help you hone your skills; you seem to have so much talent for it.

There are also apps for writers btw. I just installed one on my phone that gives a daily prompt for either a short story or poem.

There is. I've always loved writing, too. For more than 10 years, until recently, I haven't written a thing.

Everytime I write or journal I discover something about myself. Even though it would have been healing to do, I was too scared. I was already feeling more than I could handle.

I still am, really. But, I found a cause I care about to be the volunteer writer for. It helps me to learn, grow, and write.

I still haven't written any of my stories. I'm going to try for NaNoWriMO.

Do you think it would help to write FOR someone else?

I journal it took me to a dark path 💔🥺 i wrote horrible things about myself

Myre
Myre in reply to WeArePeopleToo

Went to search out what Nanowrimo is. Registered myself on the site while I was at it. I still don't get what it's all about but it looks promising. I will be going back to sort through, I am actually excited. Writing made easier is the entire point I guess, I hope the both of us get to profoundly benefit from it.

In one of my scribbles when I was able to gain clarity for just a few minutes, I detailed writing as a form of addiction, for which I had to experience withdrawals when I found I was unable to do so. Writing like other innate talents helps set things into perspective while depression as many of us can agree actually blurrs and muddles the entire picture.

I have a journal but like you I am too scared to write. The emotions can get overwhelming, I understand. I have had goosebumps running up my hands and heat waves streaking across my chest from the mere thought of scribing my feelings.

Volunteer writer for a cause is a pretty admirable thing to do. There's quite a lot to write about here except I have to be prepared to capture and convince. At this point, I don't really have a lot of faith in my writing skills anymore. Don't mind my complaining, it's going to hurt to practice but I am willing to put in the effort. Don't know if it will help to write for someone but I won't rule it out until I try.

Glad to learn from and relate to you. Thanks for responding.❤️

Okay, here's my tuppence, Myre.

Like you, I've been writing -- poetry, in my case -- from a very young age. In my childhood through my teen years, I wrote poems without understanding why I was writing poetry -- I was just in love with the art of it. I still am.

But in my adolescence came an epiphany -- an understanding of just why I wrote (and read) poetry and why I will write (and read) it until my brain ceases to function. Writing poetry has always been important to me, but to see how central it is to my sense of self was a revelation.

After this realization, finishing a single poem became a lengthier process -- a gloriously long labor of love. I'm probably one of the least prolific poets you're likely to meet...I've completed less than thirty poems in the past twenty years. And why?

Well, I don't know if it's similar for you, but, for me, the writing (of a poem) is so precious to me, my fidelity to feeling and to the craft so strong that the thought of betraying it with inexact language is, in a word, terrifying.

When you write, "Imagine being terrified to express myself by the one means that I could be truly honest," I don't have to imagine. I experience that terror daily.

It does not deter me, though. It emboldens me. To work at my pace and in the manner that suits me. For, writing, if it's to mean anything at all, must be an imperative. I'm reminded of a quote from a poet whose work has influenced me a great deal, Philip Larkin: "One writes the kind of poetry one has to write or can write."

I hear the emphasis of his intonation: Has to write. Can write.

I have to write -- however long it takes me (having OCD makes it even more time-consuming). And I take comfort in the tautology that I can only write the poems I can write.

Believe me, if you have to write, you will. In time. Though I know it can be tough during periods of depression, try not to be too discouraged. What needs to be written is waiting patiently inside you.

What I find can sometimes set me off on a writing jag is reading. Something about observing the way other poets do their work allows me to see my own work with fresh eyes. Does reading help stimulate your creativity at all?

Myre
Myre in reply to mrmonk

First of all, wow. My sister can write on demand. Can weave poems from proposed ideas, my brother isn't too far off. It has always been frustrating that my own ideas appear to be limited, poems written far between and way too personal to reveal. It's greatly reassuring to know I am not alone. Like you, poetry had no label before it became my thing at a young age. I just wrote as I pleased for only myself. It has always brought me an immense amount of fullfillment to speak in the language of the soul, a secret shared between me and myself that only I could truly understand. As my phrasing goes ' To a writer, there's no clearer mirror than a blank page'. Writing has always been a point of reflection, introspection, 'an epiphany and a revelation'. That said, am glad you responded. Being able to relate to someone, having you describe your own experience to me in your exact words is not only reassuring but also inspiring. Thankyou. I love to read; I admit many of the books I read recently aren't exactly my style but that's cos I am afraid. A month or two ago, I began reading Oscar Wilde's, ' the picture of Dorian Gray'. The wit, philosophy and artistry in that book is incredible as expected from the author. Reading it aroused some dormant feelings within me that I found hard to process yet alone express. My mind was in distress, trying to make sense of the words against my own opinions; for some reason I was so terrified. I avoid all of the books that stroke at the greater emotions, that hint at something meaningful to me. Tell me, have you ever felt this way?

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Myre

I'm not sure if I've felt that way -- I tend to gravitate toward work that appeals to the emotions -- but reading poems that are obtuse or too intellectual in nature oftentimes leaves me cold or feeling inferior. Same for most literary criticism.

I get the feeling of inferiority a lot. The world is a big place, at some point we realize that what we know makes for little of all that it constitutes. Yet every human has a perspective, a little space created around them as it goes with many of these intellectuals. They are just as human as we are, born from a different time in another era of another land perhaps yet subject to and surrounded by all of the basic human emotions and instincts. Their philosophy and inventions are a product of this world yet. As artists we are gifted to recognize the significance of what many overlook. It's a case of having them realize, of broadening their perspective as well as ours. Many of these infamous artists have a lot to say and impart but so do we. Do you believe in the human distinction Mr Monk? That every man is born unique. We all come into life seeking out a purpose, always finding there's something we have to prove. I am caught in the throes of it all the time. Having to prove something too but my greatest model and biggest critic is myself.

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