I'm new here; and don't feel like myself

[simplydusty]

Hi all, first post. I decided to give this a go. I'm new to anxiety, and even newer in attempting to reach out for some advice (I'm the "rock" in most of my friends and family's life). I've had a serious bout with anxiety recently, to a point where I'm giving myself physical symptoms, things like a lump in the throat, even (recently), not being able to sleep out of the fact that for a few days I woke up short of breath for a few minutes until I get up and breathe (the doctors say everything's fine. I've taken a test for COVID that also came back negative), and I feel as though anxiety is the culprit. But I can't shake this feeling of negativity and feelings my body are throwing at me. I feel it taking a toll in my thought process, my genuine happiness, and my work. For some reason, I can't allow myself to be kind to myself. And I'm trying very hard to be. I have a great support system in a few people, but talking to them only seems to help in the conversation. Once I'm alone, I start thinking "well, what if this new pain is something", and I notice the pain get more pronounced once I do. And once I rationalize that pain and connect it to anxiety, it seems to shift to a new "symptom". This is all so very new for me. I've had anxious times in the past, but never this long consecutively or physically. This is the second time this has happened. In July I dealt with this, and even got diagnosed with GERD due to it. I managed the gerd and got it under control, and everything seemed to get back to normal. I felt myself. I felt happy. And last Saturday I had a small (at the time felt insignificant) anxiety ridden day at work, and since then, the physical symptoms I listed above have been happening. Some days its okay, some days its worse. And I don't know what to do about it, really. I'm usually the funny guy, the guy everyone turns to, the guy who's got "it all figured out", and now I'm not (for the time being) and I feel like that's wrong. I just want to feel okay again, as trite as that sounds. I can't find myself focusing on anything, a TV show, video games, music, anything. I want to be able to hold conversations with my mother or girlfriend that don't result in me constantly feeling like I'm a burden with a barrage of how i'm feeling and how scared I am of "what if this is my problem, what about this, what if its...". More importantly, I want to be able to listen to them as well. I want them to feel comfortable enough to talk to me about all the goods and bads in their day-to-days as well, but I keep telling myself "They're not going to talk to you, they know you're struggling." They've been supportive, but I always feel guilt because I've never been the one to talk about myself, or worry about myself, and that's all catching up to me in a time I know I need it. I just don't know how to navigate this new time in my life.

I'm sorry for the long post. And you may call me Dusty if you'd like, but I'd like to point out this is a reference to the AWESOME Ryan Reynolds movie, "Just Friends". Just the way he says "Simply Dusty" has always gotten me.

[WBD2736]

Been thru the same thing and kind of going thru the same thing now. I had what you experienced fairly severely a few years ago. There was nothing out of the ordinary in life but I always felt depressed and lost for a couple of months. It got to the point I sought out some help. . It was only two visits (thru company insurance). I may have been an anomaly but he basically told me people go thru peaks and valleys and he didn't think there was anything wrong with me. He had me just sit quietly for 15-20 minutes for a few days. For me, it brought me some much needed calm that a professional didn't think there was much wrong (because I was concerned I had something very wrong with me) This very well be just a valley for you right now but maybe some solitude for a little bit of time each day may make it better.

[Agora1]

Hi Dusty It's okay not to always be everyone else's Rock. It sounds like you are

in a cycle of "what ifs". Once anxiety takes hold, our subconscious mind plays the same

record over in our mind, including when we are sleeping. We can't force ourselves to shake negativity, it must come by changing our ways. As you are seeing, Anxiety is very cunning in

how it jumps from one symptom to another in order to keep you in doubt and in fear.

It's time to give yourself a little break from being the "be all" for everyone. When is it

Dusty's time to get the support he needs? It starts with loving yourself enough to once

again believe that this will pass, you just need a little "me time".

I will say, that I've always believed that anxiety doesn't just pay a visit one day without a

reason. Of course, the reason today could be many things going on in the world especially

the Pandemic which could be making you have Health Anxiety for the first time.

We should never feel guilty when needing to reach out to others, but if this is something

new for you, you have come to the right place and have taken an important step forward.

We can help you help yourself by sharing our journey with mental health issues. Know that you are not alone. I'm glad you are here. xx

[Pel3749]

Simply dusty, Agora1 advice is right on..I too have anxiety like yours but I am able to control it. With therapist help and keeping busy. Talking to others is very important. Keep close to the people who love you and talk to them. God bless and keep us posted.

[catch_the_music]

Hi simplydusty. Sounds like you are doing some good things to heal your body and mind.

I also get worried and anxious at times about how my health. It can be overwhelming. One thing that really helps me is Prayer and Praise music. I read in the Bible a passage that says "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you". So - when I feel anxious - I start praying to God and laying out everything I am worried about to Him. I ask Him to take these cares - so I don't have to worry about them. I then wait (as patiently as I can) for His relief to come - sometimes minutes and sometimes years. I also listen to Praise music. So many songs have lyrics to sooth our anxious hearts. KLOVE radio station plays really encouraging songs - there are other great stations too. Find a Praise song you like, print out the lyrics and put them on your refrigerator. The third thing I do is examine my thoughts to see if they are true. I try to throw the garbage thoughts out of my mind - using prayer. I also talk to Pastors and counselors when I need to. Nothing helps better than to spill out my thoughts in order for someone to help me make sense of things. Hope this helps. God Bless! Prayers!