Guilty: Is it so bad to avoid replying... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Is it so bad to avoid replying to your friend's messages because you want to prepare yourself for an upcoming two-week hospital posting at a foreign district where you are absolutely sure you have to meet with complete strangers and where you have to act all happy and cheerful because you don't want to bring down your university's name in front of other people and you don't want to suffer from a breakdown in front of your teammates or even in front strangers at the hospital. (I am a medical student)

I made a mistake that involves my previous housemates where I did not terminate the wifi contract coz I didn't know we had to something like that. So we had to pay more than we should have. They were all angry at me. I felt very bad. I knew it was my fault because they already told me to terminate the contract but I overlooked it, I was at home during this quarantine thing and whatever everything else sounds like an excuse on my part. So I apologized and said I'll pay all of it by myself. I told them it was fine and I didn't want to go on an argument with them. So the end.

No, it wasn't. They kept asking me again about it. How much do we have to pay bla bla bla. When I already shared the screenshots of the bills on Whatsapp. I already explained before that, so I didn't bother anymore. I already paid for the wifi and apologized hoping that would be the end of it. This was the weekend before the posting so I did what I had to do. I was self-blaming and self-loathing. I cried when I found out my mistake, and I have a tendency of throwing my phone across the room to the floor and the wall and basically anything else on my study table. Thankfully even after more than eight times being thrown around like a ragdoll, my phone is still okay just some scratches. I couldn't study , I couldn't do anything right. Just crying and crying. They were still asking so again I apologized said it was okay for me to bare the consequences of my stupidity and left the Whatsapp group. The end

Again one of my housemates privately messaged me saying it was not okay to leave just like that and bla bla bla. I didn't read it fully because I knew I was unstable and promised myself I'll reply to her after the posting. I'll explain I was feeling really low and sad and I needed to focus on the posting. But when the time came and I read the messages, I was still hurt. She apologized but her wordings felt not sincere, so I just left it like that. But I still feel guilty. Should I reply to her or not?

Sorry if it was long.

4 Replies

It sounds me like, even though you may have made the mistake, they don’t blame you or think of you as harshly as you think of yourself.

I kind of empathise with both sides of this - if I were you, I think I’d have tried to pay it all myself to make it better, too. Equally, if I was them, I’d be very uncomfortable with you paying the whole bill. Would you allow someone else to pay the whole bill if it was the other way round?

You’ve tried to fix it by doing what you thought seemed ‘fair’ for your mistake but, actually, they want to pay their part. I think I’d want to pay too and wouldn’t feel comfortable with you paying the whole bill.

I think it’s absolutely ok for you to focus on yourself and what’s important to you right now. You need to do what you can to protect your mental health. But! It doesn’t sound like this is just going to disappear as it seems important to them. Maybe they are also quite concerned for you although not showing it in the most helpful way?

Why not send one last message, telling them how much they would have to pay if you split the bill (and giving them your details to transfer the money if they don’t already have them) but reiterating that if they don’t want to, you’re happy to pay it. Then leave it, it’ll be up to them what they do.

You need to focus on you right now but part of that might be to bring an end to this now rather than having it hang over you.

Take care,

Eleanor Rose

Thank you I didn't think of it that way. But I don't think I want to reply to her hopefully I never see her again or any of them, I am still hurt.

But thank you for the advice.

I don't think you should feel guilty.

Once you apologised, made amends if possible ( and relevant) that's it .

Forget it and move on with your life.

Why should the wifi contract have been your responsibility anyway?

Could your housemates/friends be trying to keep an argument going out of guilt?

Seems to me you did all you could have and more than you should have. You are the one who has suffered cost.

I wouldn't be concerned about replying.

If fuel keeps being added, the fire will never go out.

There's an old saying :

Silence is golden.

If she apologised (though you doubted sincerity) and you still want to be friends, - maybe send one simple message to briefly explain you won't be able to message for a while as you're preparing for an assignment, and will catch up in a few weeks.

The wifi contract thing it's a long story supposedly it would be me and another friend who walked out of the agreement (I don't talk to her anymore)

Thank you for the advice, I only pray to never see her or them again. EVER.

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