Falling Apart

[Cardinal2]

Today is a very hard day, a bad day. I 've spent most of my life caring for others. It is how I was raised. I saw all the sacrifices that were made for me and I never forgot them. They molded me into a natural caregiver. It made me who I am today. I never thought those whom I cared for could be so cruel. Their words have hurt me very deeply. I am with my mother a lot. She is alone and elderly. I savor every moment with her. I see my sacrifices as a blessing. Giving back to someone who gave so much. Unfortunately, others do not see it that way. It has pained to the point I have very little self worth. I have adbsobed those harsh comments and I have allwed them to destroy my spirit and self esteem. At this point, my life has taken a turn for the worse. Those who I cared for and loved have left me when I needed them most. I know many of you can relate to such a terrible feeling. I may be many thing but selfish ( I can say with all honesty) is not one of them. I guess sometimes we can give too much. I remember someone telling me, the more you give the more they expect. I saddens me so much. Perhaps they were right. I pray that I can heal and one day laugh again. I don't think I could ever treat someone the way I have been treated. I wish I could receive support, unconditionally. Sometimes when people are feeling bad they forget the kindness that was once shown to them. Perhaps that is is my problem. I don't forget that kindness. I don't forget what I have been given. I know everyone goes through difficult and trying times. I guess this is my time. I just need to find my strength and restore belief in myself. It is my hope that one day others will understand all that I have undertaken but I realize they may not. I know so many are suffering. I read your stories and they have touched my heart. They also have given me hope. I see the replies and people do care. This is the one place I have found where others understand and are not afraid to talk about their pain. It takes such strength to put yourself and your stories out there. You are all brave and you deserve to feel better. I hope one day I can say that about myself.

[Hidden]

Hey Cardinal2. That sucks you're having a rough day. If only people were more gentle with each other and more aware of the impact they have on each other, things would probably be so much better.

You are brave. You're making yourself vulnerable and opening up about how you feel for the world to see. You definitely deserve to feel better.... and you will. It may take a second, minute, hour, day, week, month, or year.... but you'll get there. Seems like you're on the right track with the right thinking that you need to focus on you. You need to take care of you before you can take care of anyone else. Like putting the oxygen mask on yourself before helping someone else with theirs. It doesn't make you selfish. It doesn't mean you don't care about anyone else. It just means, you have to take care of you. We've all here for you to provide the support you need to get through this.

[Hidden]

Hi there I also have some experience with caregiving and value the opportunity to sacrifice and give back. You’re right it’s a blessing.

I believe that your sacrifices will not go unseen or unrewarded. God bless you for all you do.

[Cardinal2 in reply to Hidden]

God bless you for all you do. I stumbled upon an author years ago. She writes a weekly column in our local paper . I read it to my mom every Friday. Her name is Catherine Galasso-Vogorito. I think you would like her articles. She also has a Facebook page.