Tough year

[Graft1983]

Hi all,

I’m finding this year tough, possibly the hardest in my 37years to date. Covid has taken the enjoyment out of life for me at the moment. I can’t do the things I like to do in my downtime with these restrictions in place so I’m struggling to find happiness.

I’m struggling at work mentally to the point that I’ve tried looking at other jobs. My commute to work is 40 mins there and back which a cannot stand. But it is the only job I’ve ever done since I was 16. It pays well and I’m good at it. My boss I’ve known for 20 years is a friend also but I struggle with this sometimes as I don’t think the boss/friend relationship works. He has great confidence in me, but I don’t have his confidence tho I wish I did.

I got married this year which was great but it did have a downside for me. My mum and dad who have been split up for 20 years couldn’t be civil to each other for 10 mins so only my mum came. This did hurt me, my dad mainly brought me up and couldn’t even phone me up to wish me luck on my wedding day. This did hurt.

I do have things to be happy about, I have a home, I have a lovely wife, I have a beautiful 3 year old boy who doesn’t stop chatting 🤣.

But I suppose I’m a bit lonely at times, I have no one to really chat to. Which is why I have to decided to come on here to see if this helps.

I know I need to be more positive, I need to have more gratitude.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

[Hidden]

I think everyone gets times they feel like that at the moment and of course you are thankful but it doesn't mean you can't feel sad for what's been taken away though that you enjoyed and there's not a thing you can do about it!

Last month when the whispers were going about about being locked down again after getting led to believe I was going to be fulfilling the cancelled plans from the spring this autumn I was so angry and frustrated that I cried as you get attached to things and it's upsetting when they are taken away and you can't do anything about it.

It's allowed to feel disappointed when things don't go how you dreamt they would as this weekend just gone I was due to have had a planned day out that never happened and was disappointed but had a think of how it was an accidental favour getting locked down again as I had been spared of having to wear those wretched masks in the indoor places and on the train there and back and had saved lots of money on the train fare and on food whilst there as well and had decided to go another time as perhaps it's better to put it in the spring or summer to look forward to as it was raining on the weekend so I wouldn't have enjoyed it anyway if I had gone.

[PartsWork]

Hello! I am feeling the same, especially the part where Covid taking out enjoyment in life. I reflect on this, and am on the journey to search for genuine happiness.

I used go to malls, spend time wandering in supermarkets, going to restaurants to enjoy meals, and go traveling, and most of all devoting to my job which I am good at, but all these changed due to Covid. I am still trying to adjust to the restrictions, but reflecting on these "ways of enjoyment" of mine, they seemed to be a bit superficial, and I didn't want to spend so much time on these anymore. I look at my four year old and see how happy she is being able to spend more time with her father. I feel that in my current stage in life, being with my four year old and my family would be the priority, and probably what I should do in this stage.

My counselor said something that I thought was very profound: life always tries to bring up opportunities for us to grow. I had a rough childhood and my parents separated when I was very young. Now, I have been given the opportunity to be a true father to my child, and this is also an opportunity for me to grow and re-live a childhood that I should deserve. I think I am finding happiness in trying to be a good parent. I thought I was happy when I devoted myself in work, but I realized that being a good parent and husband is so much more important. So, I manage to do what I am expected at work to make a living, and devote more of my time and energy with my family.

I'm trying to be a good husband to maintain a successful marriage unlike how my parents did. I'm trying to be a good parent unlike how my parents were. And I'm trying to search for happiness when superficial forms of entertainment were restricted, which really gave me time to reflect on the purpose of life.

Not sure if this helps, but I really find that there are many opportunities for us to grow when we encounter setbacks or no longer spend our time on entertainment.

[Graft1983 in reply to PartsWork]

Hi mate,

Thanks for the reply, it does help.

I do feel that I’ve put too much effort into my work and less on my family, which is why I’ve spoken to my boss and I’ve decided to cut my hours down so I have more time at home to enjoy time with my family.

Family is more important than anything, the sooner I realise that and do more with them the happier I will be.

Thanks mate 👍